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I am being unsympathetic about DP's depression

(53 Posts)
TheUnsympathetic Wed 17-Jul-13 19:01:38

DP and I have been together for 2 years, no kids, live apart (me with sister, he with friends). He's caring, loving, handsome, fun and generally lovely, but he goes through bouts of what he calls depression that he won't see a doctor about it. These involve him staying in bed for a few days, seeming down for a bit and not going to work. TBH, I think he's putting it on really. He's never depressed on a weekend, unless he's not planning to go out. He doesn't like his job, but doesn't apply for a new one.

Am I a heartless cow not to pander to his bouts? I encourage him to apply for other jobs, to see a doctor, get exercise, eat more oily fish, take vitamins, etc etc etc....

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 15-Aug-13 17:07:24

So he's doing the binges once a month and has presumably done this ever since you have been together. Changing one of your own behaviours is hard enough, asking someone else to change theirs because you see it as irresponsible is taking on the impossible. Why do you feel the need to do this?.

Such men do not change, besides which he does not want your help or support. You are too close to the situation to be of any real help.

I think you need to take a long and hard look at this because I for one think you are selling yourself short.

Bunbaker Thu 15-Aug-13 17:14:51

"all his 'episodes' directly follow a big drink/drugs binge"

That would be a red flag for me. What drugs does he take?

TheUnsympathetic Thu 15-Aug-13 17:21:10

When we first met we were students and the hard partying lifestyle was one that all our friends had and it was fun and didn't really impact our responsibilities (just spent days in the library before deadlines). Then we graduated and got jobs and stopped and grew up so I guess I expected him to stop too. The people I know who still party hard can do so and still get up for work on a Monday.

BunBaker mostly uppers so it's natural he'd feel down a few days afterwards

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