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am i over sensitive??

(18 Posts)
SupremePizza Wed 17-Jul-13 14:59:06

Quick background: My DP had an emotional affair very recently which I am still getting over. It was mostly conducted over email.
My friend knows all this, as I confided in her, and she was very supportive. However, she is always quick to turn the conversation back to herself and her situation. She's busy emailing a guy who lives with his girlfriend, literally throwing herself at him. And he is responding. Its still raw for me as she and I both know I get jumpy about women emailing attached men at the moment.
But she seems to think that because I confided, she now can in return and I get a barrage of messages from her saying oh I've emailed him, what can I email back, oh i want to text him, he can't like his girlfriend very much etc. She wants my help and support and although she knows how hurt I am, does she not get that I don't want to assist in her shady affair??? I've tried to say, I think you should leave it alone but she won't listen. Is she being insensitive or am I being a bit oversensitive right now?

Jan45 Wed 17-Jul-13 15:08:06

She's insensitive and stupid to not even realise how this is going to effect you. She's lovely isn't she, trying her best to pull a guy who's already with someone, if it was my friend, I would be telling her I don't want to know about it.

MadameBlavatsky Wed 17-Jul-13 15:17:39

What a cow! She's no friend, OP!

SupremePizza Wed 17-Jul-13 15:23:39

I just want to punch her in the face, to be honest. She is asking ME for help with what to say to him. I've told her, he's not interested. He is probably only replying to be polite as they work together and he probably wants to keep her sweet as she can be a bit unstable!
It just stings cos my DP told his OW to stop emailing him, and it makes me think well what if she was doing what my 'friend' is and just not leaving him alone? sad

ImperialBlether Wed 17-Jul-13 15:30:39

I wouldn't reply to her texts and I wouldn't consider her a friend.

Jan45 Wed 17-Jul-13 15:32:44

How deluded is she and don't be daft OP, your OH went willingly into an EA with AW, men don't do anything they don't want to do.

SupremePizza Wed 17-Jul-13 15:33:36

She was so supportive and good when I told her all about my situation. She's not a friend, can't be.

Jan45 Wed 17-Jul-13 15:35:47

....or she's just so wrapped up in the guy she can't see straight, perhaps just telling her how it makes you feel will sort it out?

SupremePizza Wed 17-Jul-13 15:37:23

Ah but you see I'm a bit of a coward, hence posting on here rather than saying something to her face!

ImperialBlether Wed 17-Jul-13 15:37:33

Supreme, don't let your husband tell you rubbish. He could have blocked her or deleted without reading or been so horrible she wouldn't write back. The affair didn't keep on going because the OW insisted on it.

SupremePizza Wed 17-Jul-13 15:41:19

Sorry I didn't explain myself properly. My OH ended the affair, and then emailed the other woman to say please don't contact me again. As far as I know she hasn't, but the fact that my friend is still throwing herself at this guy puts it into my head that the OW could easily be doing the same to my OH. I know they are not the same person but I am a bit sensitive about that sort of thing at the moment!

ImperialBlether Wed 17-Jul-13 15:44:35

Oh OK, I understand. It's really awful finding out about an affair. Your friend doesn't seem to have that experience herself - well, lucky for her, but you do and I can see why you are finding it a real struggle.

Could you send a very sharp text back, saying something like, "X actually has a girlfriend. Do you remember how devastated I've been by someone behaving just like you? I can't believe you would think I'd encourage you."?

SupremePizza Wed 17-Jul-13 15:48:59

Thats a great text to send. and I think it would shock her because I honestly don't think she feels she is hurting me. I'm just not sure I have the guts, tbh, and am more likely to ignore her texts for a while instead! God I sound like a wimp. I'm really not in normal life, just not good with people.

ImperialBlether Wed 17-Jul-13 15:59:26

OP, send it now and grit your teeth and tell us what she says. We can prompt you through the conversation! It's much harder if you're doing it alone. And if you don't nip her totally inappropriate conversations in the bud, you will be hearing her banging on about it for years.

Jan45 Wed 17-Jul-13 16:19:22

I wouldn't do it by text, next time you see her tell her gently that it makes you remember and feel awful, that should be enough.

ImperialBlether Wed 17-Jul-13 16:29:44

The reason I'd do it by text is so that she could re-read her own text and read the OP's and see how inappropriate she is.

SupremePizza Thu 18-Jul-13 08:59:24

morning! Sent text about 5 last night, no reply...

Jan45 Thu 18-Jul-13 10:29:04

Morning - take cover then lol.

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