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Does this sound like husband is cheating? Or has a drinking problem?

(59 Posts)
HappyRexManningDay Tue 16-Jul-13 22:23:18

Constantly promises he's on his way home on the phone to me, only to turn up stinking drunk hours later. Most often around 1am, sometimes as late as 3am.

This happens maybe 3-4 times a week, always on a week night after work.

I work full time, look after our 2 year old and am almost 9 months pregnant.

Does this sound like he's cheating or maybe a drinking problem?

He's not secretive of his phone or emails, is happy to let me look through them both. i've openly asked him a million times and he denies it, but I don't know what to do a at my wits ends.

We row, have awful awful rows where we say disgusting things to each other, I'm usually crumpled in a heap crying hysterically, the next day he's sorry will never do it again, but by the end of the week he's back to lying and staying out all night til the early hours.
I take care of everything - finances, parenting, every single piece of responsibility I look after. I'm falling apart here doing everything and being constantly let down and lied too.

We can't afford couples counselling and don't know how to fix this.

We love each other and we're both so sad the next day, he's always sorry and hates himself for doing this, but can't seem to stop.

An advice is welcome.

Isabeller Sat 20-Jul-13 19:49:43

Have you talked to your midwife?

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sat 20-Jul-13 20:11:58

I know someone who is 12 years down the line with a man like this. It is destroying her. He has never been any use to her and now the children see it too. And he's had an affair too.

She has given him so many chances.

tribpot Sat 20-Jul-13 20:16:13

If you don't feel you can remind him about the GP appointment you are walking on eggshells around him.

Please get in touch with Al-Anon. You need to understand what 'giving him a chance' means in this context.

And please please make sure you have some alternative support for your birth.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 20-Jul-13 20:18:30

Sorry to say this Rex but you're stuck on that merry go around that is alcoholism as well. You're still propping him up and enabling him. Enabling only gives you a false sense of control. Talking to him about his drinking is a wasted effort. What does that really achieve?.

You need to realise that his primary relationship is with drink and is still with drink. Everything and everyone else does not matter. He's wondering where the next drink will come from.

Now we are in the "nice" bit of this cycle of abuse till he needs a drink again and that will happen sooner rather than later. This is all so sadly predictable.

What has really changed here - nothing from what I can see.

He does not want a chance from you to prove himself. You are too close to the situation to be of any real use to him besides which he does not want your help anyway. Not at all surprised he has not spoken to the GP, he likely will not do so either. He will just keep telling you what you so want to hear and to believe that this time he means it.

You are very vulnerable currently and he will let you down again. I would find an alternative birth partner because he will find any excuse to drink again either before or especially after your second child is born.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 20-Jul-13 20:21:05

You need to read this as well:-

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sat 20-Jul-13 20:29:56


That is so true

SnoopyLovesYou Sun 21-Jul-13 03:28:10

So many of us (inc me) have been through this. Abuse & drink. It's so hard to take. Here's a big hug. Be strong and most importantly, try and keep away from him (hard as this may seem) as much as possible. Good luck with your delivery and try to just focus on yourself and kids.

Lizzabadger Sun 21-Jul-13 11:45:38

It's very sad to read all this. Please focus on a birth plan and looking after yourself and your toddler for now.

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat Sun 21-Jul-13 22:33:39

Oh my god Attila. Every word of that, ^every word^: all true. Thank you so much for posting it.

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