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Found on DP tablet...

(349 Posts)
Kione Tue 16-Jul-13 15:56:03

A series of flirting conversations with old friends, one or two with whome he's had sex. I have been with him 7 years had DD in 2009, these chats are from 2010,11 Dec. 2013...
and one dodgy conversation about his phone being left under the sofa at one of his colleages (female) house. It might be the night they had the xmas party when he told me he stayed at the hotel where the party was. But I am not sure. Even if it wasnt the night of the party, he has never mentioned going to her house.
If you remember me, we havent been getting on that great, and we went through a stage where I didnt feel like having sex with him...
So I am so confused. Should I confront him? how'??
I only opened his tablet cos our computer is being repaired, fb wad open with these chats. I am sure many more could have been deleted...
I dont know how to feel right now sad

alphacourse Thu 18-Jul-13 15:10:47

If she picked it up, how would he have guessed that she had it rather than somebody else? I would have thought he would phone the hotel first? Also, wouldn't have replied - yes, I put it in my bag. What is your instinct telling you?

Kione Thu 18-Jul-13 15:16:19

After her last reply I said ok, thanks
and will leave her alone.
I am so confused its maddening

Kione Thu 18-Jul-13 15:17:59

Alpha, they are good friends, they spent a long time taking sitting at a table, hence very likely that she had it. That is the official version. My instinct tells me "that's not true, no way" but I also know DP or thought I knew him and it is so not like him, even my friend was shocked.

Kione Thu 18-Jul-13 15:18:45

I know they are good friends by the way, they share a hobby and do get on very well, I never had a problem with that, I like her too!

Jan45 Thu 18-Jul-13 15:21:46

The root of this is why did he lie about where he stayed that night, did you ever get an answer?

Kione Thu 18-Jul-13 15:23:00

He says he stayed at the hotel! So he says he is not lying about where he stayed

Charlie01234 Thu 18-Jul-13 15:25:02

Check with the hotel. They will have records if he stayed there. If he didn't then he is lying.

Jan45 Thu 18-Jul-13 15:26:21

How did he pay for the hotel, if with a card then let him prove it to you, I doubt he paid in cash.

ImperialBlether Thu 18-Jul-13 15:28:12

Is she really a manager and typing like that?

One thing I don't understand, OP, is that you told him to have sex elsewhere and now you think he did. Is that right?

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 18-Jul-13 15:29:57

He has spoken to her and between them have come up with this.

It still does not explain the earlier messages as to why his phone was under her sofa. It did not magic itself there, it fell out of his pocket when he was on the sofa.

Do you really want to live like this Kione?.

TheOrchardKeeper Thu 18-Jul-13 15:31:55

What does your gut tell you when he's looking you in the eyes and telling you it's all true? Does he look you in the eyes when he's denying everything?

alphacourse Thu 18-Jul-13 15:31:56

Right - can I clarify please? They were all at the hotel. DP and this girl get on well and shared a table. He left his phone on the table. She then TOOK IT HOME with her? If he was staying at the hotel, wouldn't she just have left it with reception or even taken it to his room, of he had gone to bed before she left? Or even, given it to somebody else who was staying? Where do the taxis fit in?

alphacourse Thu 18-Jul-13 15:34:17

My 'gut' had to do with the improbability of what I was being told. My gut didn't kick in when he lied to my face - he was so convincing. And I wanted to believe him. I don't know how you get the truth - you will always have doubts. I don't think I have the full truth yet.

TheOrchardKeeper Thu 18-Jul-13 15:39:27

Agree that if someone is a good liar you doubt yourself even when it's obvious. Without wanting to talk out of my arse, going on facts alone it just doesn't match up.

Jan45 Thu 18-Jul-13 15:40:38

If he stayed at said Hotel then he should be able to prove it.

ImperialBlether Thu 18-Jul-13 15:41:21

I've re-read it:

DP: dont suppose you have seen my mobile? :-) ?????!
Her: just checked and its under the sofa. Do you need it?

This doesn't make any sense. He was clearly at her house otherwise it would have said:

DP: dont suppose you have seen my mobile? :-) ?????!
Her: you left it in the bar and I brought it home

But in any case, if he lost his mobile why would he ask her? In his position I'd assume I'd left it in the loo or in the hotel. Why would she know?

Jan45 Thu 18-Jul-13 15:43:00

Well done IB, I had just went back and was about to post that too, sorry it looks pretty obvious he stayed at her house.

Yeah he asked her because that was the last place he had seen it.

ImperialBlether Thu 18-Jul-13 15:45:23

Yes, exactly.

Also, I think someone above said, she would have taken it to his room or left it in reception. I'd do that if a friend of mine had left their phone behind; I don't think I'd just take it home with me.

ImperialBlether Thu 18-Jul-13 15:46:10

Also, in the other woman's position, I would phone the wife to clarify. I wouldn't send her a series of barely literate irritated messages.

Jan45 Thu 18-Jul-13 15:50:30

Maybe, but remember this happened last year so the OW might feel slightly irritated that she's being drawn into something that long ago, and remember, she could be innocent.

I'm now wondering if there was any other people at this OW's house that night...

ChippingInHopHopHop Thu 18-Jul-13 15:53:07

You don't trust him. It really doesn't matter whether he's telling the truth or lying. You don't trust him - it's no way to live. Given all you have been through, I think you and DD would be much better off living on your own sad

Kione Thu 18-Jul-13 15:54:38

Right, I didn't say they all stayed at the hotel. He did, she didn't.
He did not pay for the hotel, work did, said above. they invite people to these parties and book extra rooms for whoever needs them. he didn't pay and his name wouldn't be there, the rooms booked on the company's name.
The sex thing I explained in previous post two or three times.
I asked, why he asked her, the reply is because they spent a long time together chatting at the table. But I know, the smileys and the kisses and everything else tells another story.
She is a manager yes, we are chatting through facebook so its likely she is using her phone.

Jan45 Thu 18-Jul-13 16:02:21

Cheers for that, it's easy to forget what's been said.

The conversation about the mob that you uncovered pretty much tells you that he stayed at her place no?

If she'd picked it up at the Hotel and took it home why did she wait until he asked her about it, surely she would have said first?

From the words they have both used I would deduce he'd been there, so I would if I was you concur he is lying about where he stayed that night, this:

DP: dont suppose you have seen my mobile? :-) ?????!
Her: just checked and its under the sofa. Do you need it?

I can't say what it is but he's clearly hiding something from you.

Plus, are you actually happy that a female colleague is even texting him with kisses, I wouldn't be.

Kione Thu 18-Jul-13 16:04:29

he texted the kisses not her
not happy about it but he does that sometimes

Kione Thu 18-Jul-13 16:05:18

the kisses and the smiley on this case is what puts me on edge

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