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Found on DP tablet...

(349 Posts)
Kione Tue 16-Jul-13 15:56:03

A series of flirting conversations with old friends, one or two with whome he's had sex. I have been with him 7 years had DD in 2009, these chats are from 2010,11 Dec. 2013...
and one dodgy conversation about his phone being left under the sofa at one of his colleages (female) house. It might be the night they had the xmas party when he told me he stayed at the hotel where the party was. But I am not sure. Even if it wasnt the night of the party, he has never mentioned going to her house.
If you remember me, we havent been getting on that great, and we went through a stage where I didnt feel like having sex with him...
So I am so confused. Should I confront him? how'??
I only opened his tablet cos our computer is being repaired, fb wad open with these chats. I am sure many more could have been deleted...
I dont know how to feel right now sad

Kione Wed 17-Jul-13 18:27:34

it will totally make more sense thst he got angry of me acusing him if it wasnt true! I sai that and he said he is nice because I had a really bad week (did a.job interview and didnt get it, delay on my period, two negative tests, and now this flirty msgs) so he says he feels sorry that I an going through all that but that he hasnt done anything

Kione Wed 17-Jul-13 18:29:15

princess, maybe I am incredibly stupid, but I feel better if we go. Its his house BTW, I havent paid for it nir is my name on papers

Kione Wed 17-Jul-13 18:39:50

I feel so sick sad

patienceisvirtuous Wed 17-Jul-13 18:47:42

I am really sorry but I think he most certainly cheated. I agree with TalkativeJim's plan as your best way forward

I am sorry you're going through this :-(

welshharpy Wed 17-Jul-13 18:48:33

Op, is there anyone you can talk to that you know was also at the party? They may be able to remember if hubbie and ow disappeared together?

HaveIGotPoosForYou Wed 17-Jul-13 18:51:45

I am sorry he's acting like this.

I hope he 'fesses up when he realises you are going to leave.

Kione Wed 17-Jul-13 18:53:37

Not really, but they all shared taxis as the party was in a hotel in another town. Hence he telling me that he was staying there. But I can try and ask but he is the manager and I only know people managed by him and it would be a bit akward... she is a manager in another department too.

Kione Wed 17-Jul-13 18:54:34

He has fallen sleep on the sofa FFS!! angry

Kione Wed 17-Jul-13 18:55:22

Ah gosh I am stupid... if he got in a taxi it is obvious that he didnts stay!!blush

alphacourse Wed 17-Jul-13 19:27:32

If he stayed at the hotel he would have a receipt. If he 'lost' it they can print another one off....if he stayed that is.

Kione Wed 17-Jul-13 19:52:45

work paid...

Kione Wed 17-Jul-13 20:37:28

He keeps repeating the same thing and he is begging me not to go. He wont go and he is telling ne he'd do anything so I have my space, stay with DD, whatever needs I have so I dont go sad he says he hasnr got an explanation for that conversation and that nothing happened, that he is ashamed of the texts but he hasnt done anything, that he hates hurting me, etc. etc.
I just dont know what to do.

PrincessKitKat Wed 17-Jul-13 20:41:45

I don't think you're stupid at all Kione, if you want to get out of the house & are prepared to do so, thats totally understandable.
It drives me insane when people fall asleep like they've not a care in the world while you're left seething hmm
I wonder how he'll explain the taxi?

Kione Wed 17-Jul-13 20:56:42

he says he felt so hungover and rough the next day that he took a taxi in the morning as he wasnt fit to drive.
He is very bloody convincing

elmerelephant Wed 17-Jul-13 21:42:01

I did confront all 4 of the potential OW when my husband was sexting, the 2 that were innocent, sounded completely bemused at my mad woman in the attic questions re texts from him. The other 2 were almost as hysterical in their denials as I was with the questions, so I drew my conclusions from their reactions. It might help you to speak to her just to see how she reacts.

Kione Wed 17-Jul-13 21:48:01

I think its the only option left because he doesent sound like he is going to say anything. But it is uncomfortable because I know her, she has always been.nice, polite, that if nothing happened will be highly embarrassing! but very tempted to ask and report here to see what you all think

Doha Wed 17-Jul-13 21:52:58

I think the OW's reaction is the only way to go now as your DP isn't going to tell you anything you can't prove.
Is there any chance he has been in contact with her to get his story straight?

Cabrinha Wed 17-Jul-13 22:11:56

It's OK to flirt when he feels neglected?
No, it isn't.
Good reaction - talk to you about it.
Bad reaction - don't talk about it.
Unacceptable reaction - flirt
Even worse reaction - blame you for neglecting him!

Really - your fault? Tell him to fuck off on that.

Kione Wed 17-Jul-13 22:16:46

Doha: yes, they talk at work all the time. But even if she says exactly the same unlikely story, that'd be telling...
Cabrinha: we talked about it a lot, I told him to find sex somewhere else sad the flirting and the phone conversation are at different levels in my head confused

Kione Wed 17-Jul-13 22:18:07

He didnt say it was my fault, he said what we talked about and now he says he is ashamed and embarrassef hmm

Doha Wed 17-Jul-13 22:22:12

Just why is he ashamed and embarrassed? because he got caught flirting? Or is it because he has been caught out being a cheat and a liar?

Your call Kione

Kione Wed 17-Jul-13 22:26:00

Asked him that, he says ashamed of the flirty texts, not for being caught because he hasnt done anything wrong (apart from stupid texts) he says.
I honestly dont know where I am standing.

Kione Wed 17-Jul-13 22:32:45

Off to bed now. Thanks a lit for all your support and for helping me keeping level headed. Will ask the OW, I think... tomorrow. See what she has to say.
Thanks a lot thanks

Doha Wed 17-Jul-13 22:36:34

He has successfully planted the seeds of doubt in your mind, This man is good-very good in fact. He has managed to make you doubt all that you know to be true.
The conversation shows that he was not really surprised to know that
1) she had his phone in the first place
2) it was under the sofa

The likelyhood of her randomly picking it up and then somehow it falling out her handbag is as likely as me going to the moon.

He does remember-he just choses Not to !!

OctopusPete8 Wed 17-Jul-13 22:43:32

Let us know how it goes xxx

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