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Found on DP tablet...

(349 Posts)
Kione Tue 16-Jul-13 15:56:03

A series of flirting conversations with old friends, one or two with whome he's had sex. I have been with him 7 years had DD in 2009, these chats are from 2010,11 Dec. 2013...
and one dodgy conversation about his phone being left under the sofa at one of his colleages (female) house. It might be the night they had the xmas party when he told me he stayed at the hotel where the party was. But I am not sure. Even if it wasnt the night of the party, he has never mentioned going to her house.
If you remember me, we havent been getting on that great, and we went through a stage where I didnt feel like having sex with him...
So I am so confused. Should I confront him? how'??
I only opened his tablet cos our computer is being repaired, fb wad open with these chats. I am sure many more could have been deleted...
I dont know how to feel right now sad

Kione Fri 26-Jul-13 14:37:09

I start working on Monday, I am delighted!
Oh and I am not making excuses for him, all that I am explaining has been said in other posts

chaosagain Fri 26-Jul-13 14:40:06

I'm a cynic, but I'd be v suspicious about verifying that anyone he puts you in touch with is who he says they are..

Things that his 'proof' needs to resolve for you (good to be clear)
- the phone under the sofa. Even if she took it home for him (rather than leave it with the front desk of the hotel) why mention to him that it was under her sofa in her text/email? And why not answer your question about it being under the sofa when you were in touch with her?
- if he can't remember where he slept/ how he got there, how was he sure the hotel wouldn't have had his name (until you told him that)? Where had he planned to stay that night before he got very drunk?
- why tell you not to phone the hotel and only after that did he say he couldn't remember who he shared with?
- even if he was that drunk, why doesn't he know where he woke up? And why hasn't there been the usual office banter about it?
- what are these clients (if he talks to them) likely to say? That they finished talking to him and off he went? And then what?

I worry his proof may take some time and that he's hoping you'll give up. It all smells distinctly fishy.. I'm sure you don't want to be thinking about any of this, but please don't be fobbed off.. or you'll be left always wondering/never quite trusting him.

AnyFucker Fri 26-Jul-13 17:24:27

kione love, just leave him

you are wasting the best years of your life with this faithless loser

when you get to be my age, you will regret the way you have fooled yourself that he is good man and how you have compromised yourself to keep hold of him

let it go, really

lemonstartree Fri 26-Jul-13 17:48:37

I'm not trying to be mean Klone, but you sound like you are SO DESPERATE to keep him that you will believe any ridiculous nonsense rather than face facts. Your partner cheated on you. He never stayed at a hotel, He stayed with this woman which is why he left his phone there. End of. When it looks like a duck and walks like a duck it IS a fuc*ing duck

Stop lowering yourself to believe this shite. Face facts and be strong, confide in your friends, tell your family. You will live forever knowing that you have been made a fool of if you do not. And worse he will know he can make a fool of you again and again and again

mumat39 Fri 26-Jul-13 18:05:57

Sorry Kione. I misunderstood. thanks

Kione Fri 26-Jul-13 21:16:20

I am not desperate to keep him. if you read my other posts I wasnt even sure I loved him! But for some obscure reason I feel like I have to give him a chance to explain. I am no fool, if it was only me I wouldnt be here discussing this. I would just be gone. He is my childs father and it is not that bloody easy to break everything when I dont have concrete evidence.

3HotCrossBuns Fri 26-Jul-13 21:23:06

It's not that bloody easy when you do have evidence, believe me!

Kione Sat 27-Jul-13 07:16:45

Thank you 3hotcrossbuns! It gets a moment in life when everything is relative. I have told him, look we dont kiss, cuddle, there is no closeness, do you really want to live like this?? because it is how its going to be from now on. DD loved group hugs and yesterday she tried one, I couldnt bring myself to it. It was one of the worst moments.
This job is only 18.5 hours a week but I still could move out. He knows all this. It just breaks my heart for DD because she had the family upbringing that I never did.

alphacourse Sat 27-Jul-13 09:26:10

I agree with 3Hot - it isn't easy even with evidence! You still have lots of 'what if' and 'he is getting help to change' etc. It isn't easy at all. Thinking of you.

cfc Sun 28-Jul-13 19:26:08

How are you, Kione?

I've been thinking about you and the situation you are in. It must feel like you are trapped in a cyclical nightmare.

I so get your thought process here and I really wish the best for you.

How are things now? How is he? And how's your little one? Do you think she's picking up on it? Have you told your family what's happening, or just that friend you mentioned?

I don't even know how we'd be managing in your shoes. The knowing, but not knowing. Iyswim? You can't throw it all away, I get it. You need something else and until (or if/when) you get it, I guess you have to just try and continue for the little one as best you can.

I suppose until he tells the truth, there's no moving on from this. And the longer he leaves it the less likely is even then that you will be able to move on at all. This limbo you're in is the killer. Not a drunken fumble on a sofa. Why can't he see that?

Kione Sun 28-Jul-13 19:43:08

cfc, thanks for your thoughts. We are pretty much the same. he saw today that I had printed information on two flats and he looked shocked, the begged and begged. Later he tried to hug me and I was irresponsive I told him that I just dont feel like hugging him. He got upset saying that he hasnt done anything. He and DD are closer than ever, cuddling all the time. We went to a festival he insisten on coming with us and it was the longest time he has ever spent doing something "for kids". I dont know what to make of all this, but I don't care. I left very clear that I won't move forward until I know the truth, I told him living like this is hell and that I don't know how long I will last. He said on Friday that he was hoping that little by little we could go back to normal and have great days like my birthday. I said NO WAY. He got very upset and begged. I cried.
I havent told my family because they are not here, and don't feel like talking about these things on the phone or internet.
So yes, still in bloody limbo. But I have made it clear that I am not happy and we are not going back to normal without the information I want.
I prefer not to think of DD because when I think of her being separated from her daddy (by me) I feel like a punch in the stomach sad

cfc Sun 28-Jul-13 20:15:15

I wish I could give you some concrete advice.

Whatever happens and however this plays out, YOU didn't do anything wrong here. Please, please, please understand that. For me?!

You're a fecking hero. I swear, I'd have lost my mind. I don't know how you're managing to live day to day, nevermind getting job offers and going to festivals!

AnyFucker Sun 28-Jul-13 20:20:57

it's just a matter of time until he wears you down, love

he knows it, and I think you know it too sad

detach from him completely...until you do that you will get no peace of mind at all

Kione Sun 28-Jul-13 20:46:56

I am not a hero, I think I might just not love him that much... I had doubts before this... but never ever realised breaking up the family was so hard

Kione Sun 28-Jul-13 20:48:43

AnyFucker, I just dont have the guts with the things as they are. As it stands with no evidence it makes it look as if I was just looking for an excuse to leave.

Kione Sun 28-Jul-13 20:58:57

Maybe I will wear HIM down grin

AnyFucker Sun 28-Jul-13 21:12:47

is it worth it ?

I think not

AnyFucker Sun 28-Jul-13 21:13:36

I wish you well though, I hope you know that smile

Kione Sun 28-Jul-13 21:49:21

I dont think about being worth it or not. I am just doing what I feel ok with. If I feel like leaving I will.

AnyFucker Sun 28-Jul-13 21:57:44


why are you posting then, kione ?

cfc Sun 28-Jul-13 21:57:45

Are you looking for a reason to leave?

Kione Sun 28-Jul-13 22:11:53

I started the post because I needed to vent, I needed opinions otherwise I would have totally believed him. So this thread has helped me to push him for an explanation, to be strong and keep distance.
I am not waiting for a reason to leave as I do no honestly know what will I do when I know the truth.
Andvto be truthful I post when someone else does now, as everyone here have given their support and time is the least I can do.

Kione Sun 28-Jul-13 22:30:50

Every post here has been helpful, some more yhan others and I very very grateful. It has totally kept me cool and grounded.

hugsandbutterflies Sun 28-Jul-13 22:36:15

My mum went through this, her dh kept denying it for months. She found a company that do lie detector tests for about £500 and printed off info. Well as soon as she demanded he take the test or leave, he confessed to everything. I actually couldn't believe it as he had us all convinced nothing happened. Maybe worth a shot.

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