Advice on how to talk to DH to stop the enivitable row

[HeartOfDixie]

I need the collective advice of mumsnet. My DH and I are having a difficult time. We agreed to talk tonight and straight away it ended in a row. I told him that I wanted to talk but only if it wasn't a huge blame it on me session. This made him cross and he said to forget trying to talk.

So please can I have some good neutral phrases, tips, strategies to use when talking so that i can avoid the rows.

[pictish]

Bet you've tried them all already.

[kalidanger]

Is he causing the 'difficult time'?

[Bluestocking]

If he wants to have a row, anything you say will be construed as fighting talk. Would you and he consider a session with Relate?

[onepieceoflollipop]

This worries me a bit tbh, that you feel you need to use neutral phrases with your husband.

With such limited information, it will be difficult for people to advise you, snd of course you may not wish to give out further information on this board.

Do you have support in rl? Could you confide in someone who knows you both?

[curlew]

You will have tried them all already. He is using every strategy he can to avoid addressing whatever issues you have.

You could try writing down what you want to say to him and giving it to him to read.

[HeartOfDixie]

Reading your responses (thank you all) have made me realise its beyond me to get him to talk and that to be fair and equal to both of us we need a neutral space and guide. If I try and do that I have the power and feel over burdened. We need some other 'thing' to try.

curluw - i think you may have got something there - He just suggested email so maybe that's a possibility and also bluestocking I think you maybe right too. I never thought we would be a couple who ends up at relate but I think we need professional help.

[itried]

Just one suggestion... Try to use specific situations rather than saying, 'You always do X,' or, 'You always say Y.' (You may not be a "generaliser" but just in case). Hope you get this sorted either way - it sounds a miserable situation.

Curlew's idea is well worth a try.