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Best friend trouble... is she being malicious...or AIBU???(6 Posts)
Ok, this is a long one...
I've lived in britain for about 13years.
I have a DH and 3DC.
My whole family and the couple of friends I'm still in touch with after all these years still live in Germany, my country of birth.
I should add that I do NOT have a wide circle of friends here. I have a job I love and qiite a few coleagues/acquaintances/mates I get on with really well but I don't really have any close friends here - I mean proper close friends, who laugh and cry with you but never really judge you, IYKWIM.
My closest friends are my sister, who is 10 years younger than me, and my best friends from when I was 12 or so. They both still live in Germany.
So this is my problem: Recently, my best friend has started to befriend my sister. This is no problem for me in general. They've known each other for ages and they always got on ok.
My problem is that my friend keeps going on about it. For example she will send me texts saying "Guess who's coming over to my house now?!" "Guess who slept over at mine last night", "We are having a bottle of wine, wish you were here" and so on.
I should add that my friend has always been jealous of me and my situation and will openly admit it. She is single now but would love to be in a comitted relationship with some kids, like me, and told me so a million times.
What gets me is that I feel that I know she knows that the only dent in my happyness is the fact that I miss my home country and my family dearly. I love Brittain and if I could I would move all of them here to be with me. But I can't. I can only ever phone and skype and text and visit but for me it will never be enough, especially with my sister who has a little boy the same age as my own DS, both who are very challenging at times and who I feel is mostly the one person who understands me and who I miss the most.
I think for the first time ever I'm asking... am I being nuts or is she trying to make me jealous...? I feel such resentment but maybe I'm BU?
I think what finally got me is that I was on a flying visit today just for the day while I#M traveling through, and I met with my sister and friend and my DS and nephew. My friend kept criticising my DSs behaviour (justified, in all fairness), but praising my nephew and kept trying to arrange a next meeting with my sister while I was sitting next to them ("Why don't you come over again, we had such a brilliant time last time, etc...")
In all fairness, my sister just kept shroughing her shoulders and saying maybe, she will be in touch - I think even she thought my friend was being weird cos they never were close friends.
My question, I guess is... I feel as though my friend is trying to show me that, as much as I have (and it's not that mouch, believe me...) I will never have what she has, which is proximity to my family...
But I feel so bad saying this... We have been friends for ages. Could she really mean to hurt me? Or is this just an innocent meeting of two friends? And why does it even bother me so much?
I should add that I felt like this before with her. When I was heavily pregnant with DD1 I was 18, confused, in a strange country and had put on about 3 stone - no joke. I felt hideous. She came to visit and spent the whole 2 weeks walking around in front of my then boyfriiend in a vest and knikers, no bra... When I told her it made me feel even more fat and un-desirable (she was a size 8 after all...), she broke down in tears, appologised and told me such thoughts had never, ever crodded her mind. She still appologises for it now.
Am I going mad? Am I a suspicious bitch who accuses her only friend of being devious, two faced and intent of causing me jealousy and misery?
Hmmm. She could be malicious and envious. I mean. It does sound like she's trying to prove something to you.
But your sister is your sister. You love and like each other and she is loyal to you.
Ask her about this friend. Listen to what she has to say and then express what your instinct is telling you.
She does not really sound like a friend to me....
I think she is envious, yes. But she might be unconscious of it, and not aware of what she is doing. She sounds like a mixed-up kid.
Thanks so much! I felt like I was just imagining things!
BOF I think you might be right, I think she is mixed up. I feel like in her geart of hearts she is good but she maybe is envious and I#m not sure how to deal with it as I find her behaviour very painful.
Winky, you are right, and luckily my sister is very loyal. And oblivious, I might add. Which would be fine, as I honestly wouldn't mind the two of them being friends, I just feel like my friend is going on and on and on about it on purpose to make me suffer cos they are having such a lovely time without me...
If you being straight with her last time, during your pregnancy, worked, I'd take the same approach. Say that you are glad that she is friends with your sister, but that it hurts you feeling on the outside of that, and you'd rather she didn't bring it up quite so often.
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