I need some hand-holding please

[Torrorosso]

On Tuesday, our eldest dd is leaving to study Spanish in South America as part of her degree.

She's not coming home for Christmas and we hope to see her next spring.

But I don't know how dh and I, and her younger sister, will be emotionally - the thought of waving her off at the airport in less than 48 hours is almost too much to think about.

Anyone else been through this? How did you cope?

She'll be fine I'm sure - she's confident and going with a fellow student.

[deste]

This will probably be her first big adventure, be happy for her, the time will pass before you know it. Time for you to book a little trip I think. Give her your blessing and she will be back before you know it. If you have face time on your phone or iPad you will be able to see her as you speak to her.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

You wave her off with a cheery smile, breezy manner and as few tears as you can possibly manage. Then go for ice-cream and console each other. The very last thing you want to do is leave her with memories of her family in a broken-down heap at Departures... that would take the shine off the experience for her and it wouldn't be fair.

You've got Skype?

[DHtotalnob]

Speaking from the other side, the best thing my parents ever did was to be supportive and positive about these kinds of decisions I made as a young adult. She'll be excited and crapping herself at the same time. But how will you et al 'cope emotionally'??? My guess is that you'll be fine, because that's life and this is the natural order of things. So wave your pompoms at her, protect her from guilt and be glad that you've got a child who it curious and brave. Hurrah for her, and for you for helping her get there.

[DHtotalnob]

Goddamnit - I'm always about 3 posts behind. If only I could type faster I'd get the recognition I deserve!!!

[Torrorosso]

Thanks. I'll hold it together on Tuesday for her - and I encouraged her to go so far rather than hop over to Spain.

Not so sure how dh will be - he's more emotional than I am.

But it's those private thoughts and feelings I'll find harder.

At least my job is very busy, I'd hate to be under-occupied.

[newestbridearound]

My sister is in her early twenties and has the travelling bug, she's been gone on and off for the last two years, normally for 6 months or so at a time. In 3 months she is going to Australia and intending to stay for 2 years without coming back. Since none of my family will have the money to visit it will be a long time without seeing her! But I know she's going to have a fantastic time and I'm really excited for her.

Your daughter will have so many amazing adventures and the time will go faster than you probably expect it to; it may be a wrench for the immediate weeks afterwards but life will soon continue as normal and before you know it will be approaching her time to return.
One of the places my sister has been is South America, she adored it, apparently the people are lovely and very welcoming and she found all the cultural differences fascinating. I think your daughter will find it incredibly rewarding. Best wishes to her for her adventures!

[whitesugar]

I haven't been through this yet but witnessed family & close friends going through it. My friends who totally supported their kids leaving and had done the same when they were young totally broke their hearts saying goodbye. They spent a while being devastated, wondering about their new role and mourning their loss. I honestly don't want to sound flippant but they all without exception recovered. I am glad I saw them go through it. I am a single parent of two teens who are dying to flee the nest & some days I wish they could go soon! All joking aside the majority of my friends gladly welcome them back and then can't wait for them to leave again.

As its always been just me and them I know now I will be distraught for a while but I think i will recover. From what I have heard don't underestimate how hard it will be at first. Congratulations on rearing a child confident enough to leave. Good luck & well done! I would love to hear how you get on.

[bump6]

Be brave for your dd, it's fabulous she is brave to do this herself..
As a young girl I went travelling & it broke my heart that I would be away for a year and my mum couldn't kiss me goodbye.. Just told me to go whilst she was sobbing!
be strong and wish her a very happy adventure. X

[DHtotalnob]

Why not write a letter to her in case you are a snotty wreck at departures?

[Torrorosso]

Letter is a great idea - we have Skype and whatsapp so in reality can keep in touch easily, thanks for your thoughts. I know it'll be amazing for her and I promise to update.

[HarlotOTara]

My eldest dd is currently on her second gap year - one before and one after university. The first time I cried at the airport when she went through departures and a bit this time - and I have been through far worse things. It was painful, felt like a knife in my heart watching a just 18 year old fly toThailand on her own, but we have survived.

If you are able to keep in touch regularly then that will help enormously. Facebook has been great for us, and Skype. There is an eight hour time difference this time (10 last time), but we manage to arrange to speak once a week. I did go and visit my dd this time which was lovely. She is working and having a fantastic time and I am pleased she has been able to travel so much. I do miss her but have got used to it and there is no way I would want her to stay with me when there is a whole world to explore.

Make sure you have all her bank details etc. my dd managed to lose her bank card when in India!

Your dd will have a wonderful experience and I do understand how painful it is saying goodbye, but try to be proud of her having the courage to go, not everyone does. My dd will be back in the autumn and that will be a real challenge, adjusting to living together again!

Good luck