I'll be as informative and as quick as I can.
Married for 15 years. 3dc under 5. Everything is fine (I thought) til 18 mo ago. I loved my dh. He treated me like a queen. Lots of attention and affection. Very romantic. We were there for each other through thick and thin. Completely and utterly. I would have bet my dc lives on dh being faithfull forever. Seriously. That's how I felt.
Found out he was betraying me in many ways and a few ways I never got to the bottom of. We split. Got back together. Trying to work things out.
But it's so different now. I can't believe anything dh says. I question everything and everyone one now. I don't trust him at all, and still feel he keeps things from me. But at the same time he's been very good at trying to make things work between us. Yet at the same time I've turned into quite a hard person who won't take bs from anyone now where as before I hated confrontation.
One of the main reasons I wanted to make a go of things again is that I believe, in most cases, people deserve a second chance. People make mistakes. We have a lovely family which neither of us want to fall apart. We don't want to separate and live apart from our dc. Me and dh get on well, rarely argue and enjoy spending time together.
Yet I resent the things he has done and the long term betrayal he did. I quite literally don't have the vocab to express how I feel. Yet here's where it gets a bit grim.
I have fancied a guy for a few years, our paths only cross maybe once or twice a year. Yet the attraction I have always felt for him had been like the attraction I've always had with my dh. I've not acted on it ever. Nor have I ever cheated on my dh. Until now.
Mine and om paths crossed a few months ago and I text him. I don't know why, for foolish and selfish reasons probably. We've been texting most days and seeing each other occasionally. We haven't slept together but we both want to. He's married with dc and I feel like a complete failure as a woman, mother and wife. I know, beyond reason and doubt that its wrong, he will never leave his dw for me and I don't want him to. I don't want to hurt anyone, especially not the dc involved or his dw. I don't want to hurt my dh either -truly I don't, I don't want revenge, I'm so messed up I just don't know what to do and have no one to talk to.
Please help me make sense of my world
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I know I'm in the wrong. Need some wisdom and a reality check
16 replies
MessAndNotProud · 13/07/2013 21:43
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