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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

I don't know where to start

109 replies

SolihullBorn · 12/07/2013 18:04

The only thing I know is that I'm flying to New Zealand on Monday to bring my little grand-daughter (4) home to England just as soon as I can. My darling son and his dear wife were killed there just 3 days ago so I'm flying out. I have no proper idea what I'm going to have to do when I'm out there. I have a few contact addresses and of course I know where little Amy is being looked after but I don't even have a key to my son's house. I've no idea if either of them made a Will or anything about their finances. What about the funerals? I just don't know where to start. Amy is going to be so sad and confused leaving her home and her friends and I don't know what to say to help her. I need help or a checklist or something.

OP posts:

Report

VegPatchLurker · 12/07/2013 18:06

Huge hugs for you. I am so sorry to hear about this.
I am sure someone will be along with helpful advice in a minute.
Maybe an Undertaker would be able to give you some initial advice?

exoticfruits · 12/07/2013 18:07

Just so say that I am so sorry- my thoughts are with you. I am sure that all their friends will be really helpful once you get there. Hopefully someone will come on with practical help from this end.

RalphGnu · 12/07/2013 18:09

Oh love. I am so sorry for your loss.

theorchardkeeper · 12/07/2013 18:10

Have no practical advice but just wanted to say sorry for your loss

What a shock it must be. Hope someone can come along with useful advice soon.

LittlePeaPod · 12/07/2013 18:10

I couldn't read and run. I am so sorry for your lose.. My thoughts re with you are yor family..

With regards information. Can you get some device from the British Consulate?

exoticfruits · 12/07/2013 18:11

I am sure that it will bring out the best in people- these dreadful situations generally do.

exoticfruits · 12/07/2013 18:12

You could try the foreign office or CAB- the trouble is that you haven't got normal working hours left.

SamsGoldilocks · 12/07/2013 18:13

So sorry for your loss. There are some lovely kiwi mners, I'm sure if they knew where your family was based they would be happy to help. It might be worth posting in the overseas board and stating where in NZ you're heading to.

My heartfelt sympathies for such an awful situation.

exoticfruits · 12/07/2013 18:15

I have just looked. Go to GOV.UK- lots of leaflets online for the practicalities.

reelingintheyears · 12/07/2013 18:17

I'm sure the British consulate will help,do the child's other GPs live in NZ too?

exoticfruits · 12/07/2013 18:17

If you Google 'coping with death abroad' it takes you there.

Portofino · 12/07/2013 18:18

Such dreadful news! You will need legal advice and to find out whether they appointed a guardian in a will for example. It won't be as simple as just bringing her back with you I am afraid. I would plan for an extended stay.

Alwayskeptalidon · 12/07/2013 18:20

So sorry for your loss. Is anyone travelling with you?

turbochildren · 12/07/2013 18:22

I'm so sorry about your loss. I would try to get hold of the uk embassy in NZ, and speak to them about how to do it. They should have an emergency number for you to contact them, or you can do it when you are there. They will be able to advice you on what to do legally and practically.
Oh my goodness, how terribly sad for you.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 12/07/2013 18:37

I am so sorry to read about Amy's parents. Who gave you such news, was it the authorities?.

This website may be of some help to you as well:-
//www.gov.uk/browse/births-deaths-marriages/death

I would certainly contact the UK Consulate on arrival in NZ.

The British High Commission is based in Wellington; their phone number is 64 (0) 4 924 2888

ImperialBlether · 12/07/2013 18:42

I'm so sorry. That is the most terrible news.

Do you have any RL support? It seems too much to cope with on your own. Are your DIL's parents from the UK? When did you last see your granddaughter? Who is she with now?

SolihullBorn · 12/07/2013 18:59

Amy's other GPs don't know yet. They are travelling in Europe and haven't been tracked down yet. I hope and expect that one or both will travel out straight away. My husband is slightly disabled and couldn't travel so far and my younger son is still at university and with respect to him is better off here. It is going to be so sad for the other GPs since my sons wife was their only child. It was the UK police that told us after the NZ police told them.
The only thing that might make things a bit easier is that Amy is a British Citizen as were her Mother and Father. I last saw Amy at Christmas. She is in short term foster care in NZ.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 12/07/2013 19:07

Would you like us to brainstorm some ideas for what you should do?

Have you spoken to Amy on the phone? Are you able to talk to her on Skype? I'm sure her foster carer has been chosen carefully as someone who can deal with such traumatic situations.

Was your son or his wife on Facebook? Did you keep up to date with him on there? If so can you contact any of his friends to ask about the key? They could perhaps arrange with the police that the locks could be changed and they could have a key for you. That would save you having to do it when you're there.

What about your son's employer? His HR person should be very helpful to you.

Please don't think you can't ask people for help, just because you don't know they. They will be desperate to help out.

ImperialBlether · 12/07/2013 19:08

How will you get to the airport? How far do you have to travel? (UK side, I mean.)

How will you get from the airport over there to your son's house?

Where will you go to first of all? Will someone be meeting you at the airport?

Portofino · 12/07/2013 19:21

Uni has finished though. Could your son not go with you?

Portofino · 12/07/2013 19:22

Surely the whole family will want to attend the funerals? You NEED the support.

ImperialBlether · 12/07/2013 19:24

He's lost his brother, Portofino. I think the OP was saying he'd be better off staying here.

Boosterseat · 12/07/2013 19:26

a checklist here

I am so sorry for your loss, I cannot begin to imagine how you are feeling.
condolences to you and your family at this time.

For Amy,
Just another link

Boosterseat · 12/07/2013 19:26

sorry, 2nd link is the same coping

VulvaVoom · 12/07/2013 19:27

Jut adding to everyone else saying how sorry they are, you must be in total shock and your poor little granddaughter.

I don't have any advice and I know that's what you need, sounds silly but if you want me to research anything for you, find telephone no's, just let me know. Sure other posters would be willing to do the same.

Just (literally) say the word and I'll be on it. My sincere condolences to you and your family.

Flip

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