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Still struggling with husband's infidelity

(34 Posts)
Justconfused Fri 12-Jul-13 14:31:18

About 4 months ago I found out that my husband had been having an affair. I found out completely by accident and our relationship was in my opinion anyway good at the time he was being unfaithful. He immediately ended the relationship with her (she lives in another country and he had met her whilst on business there ) and he has been full of remorse and has himself started going for counselling about it. I have agreed to marriage counselling but just can't face it at the moment. However I still feel insanely angry about it and just so let down. I just don't know how I can trust him.
To make things worse - and please bear in mind here I think I had some kind of mental breakdown over the last few months - I slept with another man ( just a one night stand nothing more ) - it was the first time I had been unfaithful to him in 14 years. Then - prompted by some crazy argument with DH - i joined an online dating site and have started a relationship with someone else ( we have not slept together - we just go out - talk - and then invariably kiss ). This guy is married with young children - I feel guilty about it but my relationship with him makes me feel better and able to cope. My DH has even commented that I seem much happier. I am not sure if it is a revenge affair - it is definitely something that has no future - I am not entirely sure what to do now. Has anyone else found themselves in a similar position ?

Justconfused Fri 12-Jul-13 18:59:29

Chubbymommie I am not on the aibu board you know - it is very easy to judge others - you do not know me and what i have been through this year

Rulesgirl Fri 12-Jul-13 19:06:18

The thing I find hard is how you could do that to another woman when it was done to you. But you are not in your right mind when you go through the fallout of an affair and your not really your " normal" self.

Rulesgirl Fri 12-Jul-13 21:23:42

A lot of us do know what your going through op....and its always going to be a bad time but you can get through and be a couple again if thats what you want smile

Justconfused Fri 12-Jul-13 22:26:04

Thank you rulesgirl

chamonixlover Sat 13-Jul-13 09:03:53

Put yourself in the place of all those you have hurt, that means your husband, your children, possibly family of the first man you slept with, the family of the man you are currently seeing, anyone else. Then try and put it right.

chamonixlover Sat 13-Jul-13 09:25:17

BTW just remembered my neighbour who discovered her partner was having an affair, she immediately slit her wrists and was found running around in the street in a dazed state, her mum had to look after her for over a year. It affected her to the point of wanting to kill herself and not surprised since she came home to find her husband having sex with the OW, it affected her mum and family who had to come from abroad to look after her, it affected the entire street of neighbours. All for a fuck hey, how considerate of her partner and the OW, both guilty. Please please think of what you could be doing to others and when your children grow up, how do they think they will view their parents to have both done this?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 13-Jul-13 09:48:46

You need to ditch your husband either temporarily or permanently. Because you've taken him back you feel cheap, unloveable and worthless... he's utterly smashed your self-confidence..... so you behave like the cheap, unloveable, worthless person you think you are. Get rid of the cause and you will get your pride & self-respect back

Good luck

Justconfused Sat 13-Jul-13 22:49:01

Cogito I don't feel like that at all - I want to stay with my husband and do not think him moving out is a solution

I ended things with the other guy today and already am starting to feel better

Thank you for everyone's advice

Rulesgirl Sun 14-Jul-13 19:30:31

I'm really pleased that your decision to end things with om has made you feel better. You can now re invest in your relationship with dh. smile

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