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Partner wants me to rehome pet...

(184 Posts)
TataClaire Thu 11-Jul-13 22:55:46

My OH of two years wants me to rehome my cat who I love very dearly and previously belonged to my late aunt. He is however the only thing we argue about.
I had the cat when he first met me though I wasn't sure I was going to get on with him (the cat) but really grew to love him by the time DP asked me to move in with him away from friends and family. He said the cat could come if he lived outside and could come into the lounge in the evenings for cuddles with me.
Anyway, I found this really difficult and so did the cat who obviously didnt understand why he couldnt come in the house.
Eventually I bent the rules and started letting him in more as I couldnt bear it.
I admit that he did claw the sofa and put pawprints on some paintwork and do general feline things.
DP was very angry but then kept yo-yo ing when he saw how upset I was about it from saying fine it can live in the house to I never want to see it again and Im going wring its neck myself - I'd like to think he's not serious.... so we've moved house and now the cat doesnt have a place to live outside and everytime he emerges from wherever he's hidden to sleep amongst the boxes DP makes noises at him so it frightens him and he rums back into the boxes. We'll be moving house again in a few months time and he has asked me to rehome him as we're relocating and he hates him and he wants our new life in our new place to be cat free as he despises them so much. That he hates him creeping about and not knowing where he is or being able to stop him climbing on stuff (which he barely does) like you can with a dog and says he won't having living in the house and I'm not happy about him living outside if it means he can't wander into the house for the odd snooze without facing the firing squad...I put my foot down and said I wasnt rehoming him and if he went I went.
I just don't know what to do. It is literally the only thing we argue about and its driving a wedge between us. sad

LalyRawr Thu 11-Jul-13 22:59:02

Frankly I would be getting rid of the man not the cat.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who made threats to kill another living creature because he doesn't like it. Or who treats an animal so poorly.

My OH is fully aware that if it came down to it, my cat would win every time.

I've had the cat 8 months, had OH for four years!

HansieMom Thu 11-Jul-13 22:59:52

I know who I would keep. You and the cat will be great on your own.

ExitPursuedByABear Thu 11-Jul-13 23:01:11

Cats can't live outside ffs.

Your poor cat.

Your choice.

QuintessentialOldDear Thu 11-Jul-13 23:01:17

Poor cat.

How can you love, or even respect a man who treat an animal this way? Even worse, an animal that you love?

I would ditch the man! Take your cat and go!

Gay40 Thu 11-Jul-13 23:02:20

I'd be getting rid of the man, not the cat. Your bloke sounds like an absolute cunt.
Moved you away from family and friends? Tick.
Wants you to get rid of your beloved pet? Tick.
Threatens a defenceless animal? Tick.
Just wait till you have kids.

Sleepingbunnies Thu 11-Jul-13 23:03:43

Keep the cat. Kick that sorry excuse for a man out. Loser. What an arsehole.

PurpleRayne Thu 11-Jul-13 23:04:20

He's not showing much potential as a long-term and possible father is he? He is being cruel, and so are you if you allow it to go on.

Earthworms Thu 11-Jul-13 23:07:06

It's not the wanting rid.

Its not the rows about it.

It's the nasty way he treats it that is a BRF (big red flag)

I'm not keen on cats. If dh had come with a cat, which he nearly did - as part of the deal, I would be tolerant, learn to care for properly, but respectfully ask he didn't replace it when it finally passed away(after a hypothetical long happy life)

even worse that he wants you o re home when the poor cat has immense sentimental value, as well as being a creature deserving of care and respectin its own right.

Leave. Take the cat.

Branleuse Thu 11-Jul-13 23:07:13

fucking hell, its only a cat. Its not as if youre keeping a wild giraffe in your living room, Hes being really weird and controlling. If hes not actually allergic to a cat, surely you can live alongside a cat without too much bother.

Do you have children? He sounds manipulative

Cheddars Thu 11-Jul-13 23:07:20

If he can't accept the cat for your sake then I'd be asking some hard questions. There doesn't seem to be much compromise in the relationship.

murasaki Thu 11-Jul-13 23:08:04

Anyone who's horrible to an animal that can't verbalise its feelings is an arse. making noises at him deliberately to upset him when he wakes? A big no no.

keep the cat, lose the arsehole.

Earthworms Thu 11-Jul-13 23:08:14

What gay40 said

All of these behaviours add up to something very worrying.

redacted Thu 11-Jul-13 23:08:48


Any man who acted like that towards my overindulged cat would be gone yesterday. I am not joking, if my boyfriend made noises at my cat to scare him then he (bf) would be out of the house before he could blink. It is completely cuntish behaviour to be cruel to an animal. I would never put up with even a fraction of that crap in a month of Sundays.

Incidentally, might interest you to know that cruelty to animals is often connected or leads to cruelty to people. Many serial killers started off maiming animals first.

I don't believe that this is the ONLY thing your partner does that you don't like. You don't have to tell me, obviously it's none of my business - but think about it. Is he controlling, critical or rude to you in other ways?

Empress77 Thu 11-Jul-13 23:09:04

Yep, Id get rid of the man, he sounds cruel, you cant let him have you treat a cat like that. Its very rude and disrespectful to you. Surely a case of love me love my cat, sounds like the cat is very important to you so surely he can try to understand that. A man with that little kindness towards animals does not sound nice to me. How can he hate them that much?!

LaurieFairyCake Thu 11-Jul-13 23:09:37

Agree with everyone else.

Dump the man, keep the cat.

And you need to keep the cat safe from him, if you leave him he might hurt the cat.

Bluestocking Thu 11-Jul-13 23:11:02

What a nasty piece of work your OH sounds. If he's willing to be so cruel to a defenceless animal, especially one that's so dear to you, I hate to think what other red flags he's brandishing at you. Please think very hard about whether you actually want a future with this rather sadistic individual.

Latara Thu 11-Jul-13 23:11:12

Sorry but I know a woman who rehomed her 2 pet cats for her man - she's now trapped in a relationship with a controlling man who won't even let her wear lipstick or mini skirts.

Personally if I was you i'd put my foot down over the cat and tell your man to stop being so daft - it's your pet and he has to accept that.

I'd also want firm guarantees that he is not going to harm the cat - i'd be very wary of a man that can threaten a defenceless animal.

Mama1980 Thu 11-Jul-13 23:11:26

I'm with everyone else, ditch the man keep the cat. I'm serious his behaviour is appalling and if he can behave like that to a well behaved quiet animal.....

EarthMither Thu 11-Jul-13 23:11:38

Anyone who is deliberately cruel to animals is not someone to make a life with. Keep your pussycat and bin off this sorry excuse for a man.

tribpot Thu 11-Jul-13 23:13:09

He's testing how much shit you're prepared to put up with. Unfortunately for your cat, it seems like it's quite a lot. I'm surprised he didn't take himself off to find a new home when you first started shutting him out - can't you see how cruel that was to an animal who was previously allowed inside? Particularly at the same time as a move.

Please find your cat a decent home to live in. Preferably that would be with you but your cat deserves better than this.

murasaki Thu 11-Jul-13 23:13:12

The big ginger boy lying on the window sill is agreeing by waving his tail.

The only times he's been shouted at were when he a) mistimed his leap onto the bed and landed on my head, and b) when he pissed in my 2nd best pair of converse. And the second one was really my fault for not changing the tray fast enough. A lesson learned.

surely he can just ignore him, it's not like a dog who needs walking, you can give the cat the love, and he can pretend he's not there.

Bluestocking Thu 11-Jul-13 23:13:19

Oh dear, I missed the bit about moving away from friends and family. This is not good at all.

Empress77 Thu 11-Jul-13 23:14:43

To ditto redacteds above post - cruelty to animals is proven to be linked to domestic violence, cruelty to people. So much so that Vets have a duty to report cruelty cases because of the link to risk to children in the family. I am actually surprised that your cat has stayed around despite all this cruel treatment -the cat must really really love you. Well done for standing up for it,and maybe be glad that the cat has shown this man for his true colours?

bigstrongmama Thu 11-Jul-13 23:17:46

I think you've posted because you know deep down what to do. It doesn't matter that the cat is the only thing you argue about - it's not ok! Sounds like he vents his anger at the cat, and by doing so is venting at you.

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