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Enough was enough?:(

(17 Posts)
mrsericnorthmaniwish Thu 11-Jul-13 21:19:29

Back for some more wise wordssmile I filed for divorce a few months ago now, been unhappy for a few years, sat and tried to talk many a time but nothing changed and finally I had enoughsad since then we been living in the same house with 3 dcs. H got the petition and has asked for the most relevant points to be removed and has basicly said I am a liar. He has been very unpleasant towards me and dcs especially these last few weeks. He is unhappy at what I am doing, takes no responsibility for the breakdown of our marriage, the house is in his name, it seems I have no rights at allsad then few days ago he had been drinking and we had a misunderstanding that became an argument that became him poking me I the neck hard so I fell backwards. Sadly it was the end for me and I called the police, he left with them and I left with dcs and am now staying with relatives. Since then he has implied that I should have withdrawn my statement and should be sorry for what i didsadHave I got it wrong? It just finished me off, on top of the verbal nastiness these past weeks to me and dcs I just snapped and couldn't take anymoresad it sounds weak now I written it down, thank you for reading

turbochildren Thu 11-Jul-13 21:56:45

Don't withdraw your statement. He says you are a liar anyway, and you are not. I don't know about who would get your house, but maybe you'd be happier in a new place anyway.
Just read a lovely post on another thread which nicely summed up that it's no point being in a relationship that is anything less than great. My own experience is from a shit relationship, but as i'm finally out of it I plan on going forward with this is mind.
I know it's hard, but please don't withdraw your statement. It may turn out to be your blessing, and at any rate do not take it back if all you did was telling the truth.
Too bad he doesn't like it.
Don't be sorry either. it wasn't you poking him in the neck.

mrsericnorthmaniwish Thu 11-Jul-13 22:13:51

I haven't and I won't, thank yousmile

OldLadyKnowsNothing Thu 11-Jul-13 22:17:43

It doesn't matter that the house is in his name, you're married and have plenty of rights, whatever he claims. As domestic violence is involved, you may still be eligible for legal aid; go find yourself a lawyer.

And no, don't withdraw your statement, he did what he did and you both know it.

AnyFucker Thu 11-Jul-13 22:19:41

You don't sound weak

You did the right thing

This is escalating. From verbal to physical abuse. If you hadn't drawn your line what would have been next ? A punch, a kick ?

Don't question yourself, love

MNiscold Thu 11-Jul-13 22:29:19

You don't sound weak; you sound like someone who's been badgered and poked waay past normal limits. Of course you doubt yourself: this isn't at all what you think love and marriage and family are all about. But it's real, and you'll get through it. I'm super glad you have family to go to!!

MNiscold Thu 11-Jul-13 22:30:59

Actually, it sounds like he doesn't want to face up to what he does; that does not mean you're doing the wrong thing - it just means he doesn't want to admit you're right.

Theselittlelightsofmine Thu 11-Jul-13 22:33:21

You sound a very strong woman to me and you have done what is best for you and DC, just stay strong and as my DM used to say to me "don't let the bastard drag you down"

mummytime Thu 11-Jul-13 22:34:12

Go and get some legal advice, Women's aid may be able to advise you. Do not believe what he tells you. As you are married you have a claim on all "property of the marriage" which includes his pension as well as the house. In addition as you will be the children's primary carer you have further rights for them to be provided for.

Get proper legal advice, as he has attacked you, you may well be liable for legal aid.

Also you withdrawing your statement does not necessarily mean the police will drop the case but he obviously doesn't realise that.

mrsericnorthmaniwish Thu 11-Jul-13 22:43:35

My legal advice is sorted now, I am grateful I had somewhere safe to go and already feel better but the doubts and fears just won't go, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel and I know it's right for dcs and me.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Fri 12-Jul-13 00:13:44

The doubts and fears will be around for a while, you know that if you've browsed around this forum at all. You'll have moments of weakness, moments of wondering if you could make it work.

But you can come back here and see what you've written, how he attacked you. And you can always come here for some moral support.

We believe you.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 12-Jul-13 06:32:54

It's early days, you're experiencing a very tough, highly stressful & emotionally testing situation and, under those conditions, you're bound to wonder if it wouldn't have just been easier to put up with the crap and do nothing. It's bloody hard to get free. Glad you have a solicitor on your side. When you're up against an unreasonable person, it really helps to have solid advice and support. Glad also that your family are being supportive.

You're emphatically not weak. Takes enormous amounts of guts and strength to get yourself and your DCs out of an abusive relationship. I, for one, admire you and think you're doing exactly the right thing.

GetStuffezd Fri 12-Jul-13 06:46:16

It sounds a really, really tough time for you but you did the RIGHT THING by not withdrawing your statement. If he didn't want the bother with the police he should have kept his disgusting hands to himself, shouldn't he? Honestly, if you'd have let it slide, hurting you would have become an acceptable form of release for him.
You WILL be ok!

turbochildren Fri 12-Jul-13 07:35:18

Good you got your legal advice sorted. Also very good you could go somewhere safe.
I hope your doubts and fears fade bit by bit. I found it takes time, and I still come back to wondering what if, but I'm glad you see light at the end of the tunnel.
You do have rights, at least a right to exchange views without fear of being manhandled!

myroomisatip Fri 12-Jul-13 07:47:03

You most certainly are not weak! It takes a lot of courage to instruct a solicitor when you have to stay living together. I am glad you got out, can you stay away?

Dont withdraw your statement.

mrsericnorthmaniwish Fri 12-Jul-13 08:09:01

Thank you for your encouragement, its hard, no this is not how it was supposed to besad we can stay here for now, I am looking for somewhere to live with dcs and am able to receive help with rent. The legal advice is on its way as I have just lost the solicitor I did have-its all happened at oncesad

Theselittlelightsofmine Fri 12-Jul-13 08:48:31

The only way is up my love, you and the DC have a whole new exciting life to look forward too, you are just getting the boring bits out the way first smile

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