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Keep up the Good Work!

(7 Posts)
MNiscold Wed 10-Jul-13 18:02:34

First post ever on Mumsnet.... and I have to explain my nickname means Minnesota is cold... that's where I am.

I was married for 21 years to a twunt, abusive at that. And when we divorced (I left 17 years ago) there was no forum like this to turn to for support. I found a great counselor and got a Rx for AD, which helped enormously, but nothing in real life matches or comes close to the smart and understanding support I see people getting here. I read almost every day now, because it still helps me understand what happened and why my feelings went up and down so much.

Want to add, however, that staying in the marriage did affect my two sons very badly, and my older son is abusive to his wife; what was his example? The answer is obvious. So to you out there who think you're staying together for the sake of the kids, or because you don't make enough money (me), or think you're not strong enough to make it alone - please, please LTB and come here for support. You can do it, and you need to do it.

Plan it out, find support in real life as well, but start moving.

Mum2Fergus Wed 10-Jul-13 18:06:15

Great post MN smile

slipperySlip000 Wed 10-Jul-13 18:17:08

That is lovely. Thank you MN

myroomisatip Wed 10-Jul-13 18:50:28

I also believe this is an amazing forum.

Similar situation for me. I was too afraid of my Ex to leave and it has had a massively negative impact on my kids and I will have to live with that forever. But no one can help you leave until you are ready, and Mumsnet helped me enormously, even though I did not post much about my own situation, the advice given to others was enough.

It is scary and sometimes lonely on your own but it is much lonelier in a bad relationship. I am beginning to enjoy my own personal freedom for the first time in nearly 40 years and if I can do it anybody can smile

Well done on getting out MN smile

MNiscold Wed 10-Jul-13 19:00:16

myroom - you're right: I have to live with watching my son's bad behavior, and knowing where it came from. BUT, I also have to say, some people never do wake up... and I try to give myself credit for finally having done it successfully.

If anyone thinks they cannot do it; just post about that. Lots of us felt that way, and we're here to offer ideas and to just listen.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 10-Jul-13 19:01:20

That name is misleading <hoiks judgy pants>. Minnesota is DAMN cold... grin Glad you got out. Sorry your DS is repeating history but don't blame yourself - regardless of background, we all have choices. Good luck

MNiscold Wed 10-Jul-13 19:11:06

Cogito - yes, Minnesota is DAMN cold!!! But it is beautiful here, and there are lots of good people....

Yes, my DS has choices, and I've pointed this out to him straight out.... but I also know my own father was abusive, so what goes around, comes around. It's hard to watch, but I can't blame myself totally. Thanks for your thoughts.

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