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Another Thread (LoserNoMore...again)

(436 Posts)
LoserNoMore Wed 10-Jul-13 16:58:49

Hi, so on another thread but not really much further forward, in fact I feel worse. Anyway I've been to the doctors and have Anti D's and referred to a counsellor. Hopefully these will work.

Thanks to everyone for their support on previous threads and PMs too, it is all very much appreciated.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Wed 17-Jul-13 09:44:27

Im not so early to bed, but early to rise, especially in summer. In Winter I am early to bed cant get out of it in the morning. grin

Leaving lots of brew for all.

LNM - the evenings are the worst for everyone when things are on your mind. <wee hug>

imtheonlyone Wed 17-Jul-13 21:40:47

I remember my friend saying how awful she found the evenings. She tried to find herself a little hobby - but had no idea what to do! She ended up doing online courses and found a new lease of life!

I totally understand that they are the worst time - too much time on your own to sit and think confused.

If all else fails - there's always mumsnet!!!

JaxTellerIsAllMine Thu 18-Jul-13 07:54:14

morning, hope you are busy with kiddies and not got time for MN - I cant wait to get up to Scotland to see everyone.

buildingmycorestrength Thu 18-Jul-13 15:49:05

Hey LNM, just wanted to check in. Hope all okay. I have melted, sadly.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Fri 19-Jul-13 08:21:49

hi everyone, LNM hope you are ok. brew flowers

I slept well last night, managed to keep upstairs quite cool, but feel like I havent slept enough... no chance of sleep during the day, just cant do it unless Im ill.

But so glad its the weekend.

swallowedAfly Fri 19-Jul-13 10:18:54

morning all. home after an epic journey and man is it nice to come home to sunshine for once. used to always go away in winter and coming home would feel like hitting a very dark and painful brick wall. this time it's actually nice to be back though i feel a bit lonely already twattishly. ds is hanging out at grannies for a couple of hours so i can get a start on the house and sorting before we go pick up the dogs. not used to having any time alone or sitting in a house anymore even after two weeks. i have the front door wide open to avoid claustrophobia.

on the evenings front i find i get into american series that i missed whilst being too busy with a baby or actually having a life and hey presto there's a whole five series back catalogue to work your way through. must confess most nights by the time i put ds to bed i'm ready to crawl into my own and watch crap on the laptop till sleep time.

BUT other people do crazy shit like get babysitters and go out and take up hobbies and crazy shit like that. i'm thinking that's probably a better strategy. shagging some guy who makes you feel ace and isn't putting any pressure on sounds like a pretty good hobby to me LNM so maybe keep on with that whilst it's fun.

pretty quiet on here. hope everyone is doing well. my appointment with the consultant and tests etc is on monday. have managed to put it out of my mind over the holiday and even now don't feel stressed. worrying won't make a bit of difference.

i thought you guys were exaggerating about sunshine but fair play it's only 10 or so and already looking like a lovely day. long may it last.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Fri 19-Jul-13 11:56:05

SAF Glad you all home safe. Told you it's hot! But no aircon or pool here.

That's a good frame of mind to be in re hospital appt on Monday. X

imtheonlyone Sat 20-Jul-13 18:55:54

Hope everyone is well

wine All round smile

I've had a busy day on a deserted beach with four boys and a good friend grin

Shattered. Bring on the cider wink

JaxTellerIsAllMine Sun 21-Jul-13 21:52:53

got a banging headache, too much sun and not enough liquid today. Was lovely though, super busy, had a bbq - DS girlfriend came over and she is a nice girl. How did I end up with teenager? Who has a girlfriend? When did I get to be 'old and grown up'

LoserNoMore Sun 21-Jul-13 22:39:12


LoserNoMore Sun 21-Jul-13 22:43:05

Stupid phone.

Hi, I decided to go and visit my friend for a few days and left phone/laptop at home. Had a lovely time away now back to reality.

I hope you're all well. I'm getting used to this weather now, it's great.

I'm feeling ok on the tablets, was a bit down when I arrived home this evening, just the usual back to reality feelings probably.

imtheonlyone Sun 21-Jul-13 22:55:59

Hi, must have been nice to 'get away from it all'. When are your dd's home? Wasn't it a week they were gone for?

Good to hear that you're feeling ok - probably very normal to feel down coming home to reality - who doesn't?!

Hope everyone had been enjoying the weather - quite unbelievably hot for the uk!! Was cooler here today and yesterday - honestly a welcome relief as Friday was quite unbearable!

Has JD been in touch whilst you were away? Any plans to meet up?

LoserNoMore Sun 21-Jul-13 23:01:26

They girls came back last week, I went away in Wednesday morning. Was so good spending time with them, I missed them so much when they were with ex. I always feel worse when they are with him. It's like a constant reminder of everything that's happened.

It's still as warm here, not as warm as down south. Think it was around 26 degrees today. I managed to get all my washing dried in about 2 hours when I got home.

It's to be just as warm tomorrow so we are going for a full day at the beach, can't wait!

ChipsNKetchup Sun 21-Jul-13 23:18:15

I think that would be the worst thing, you didn't do anything wrong so why do you have to lose out too. Its so bloody hard.

Glad you enjoyed the break, one of the things I liked most about being in a remote part of Scotland was the lack of connectivity, it was hard for a day and then it just became peaceful as I realised I didn't need to respond to texts, check the net constantly. It's a much more relaxed way to be instead of being plugged in constantly. Plus 99.9999999% of the time, there is bugger all you could do in a crisis anyway.

Have a lovely time on the beach, I expect sea glass reports!

JaxTellerIsAllMine Mon 22-Jul-13 08:04:03

enjoy the beach! I cant wait to get 'home' next week. Ooh actually end of this week, but we arent going to parents, we are up North of Scotland and no phone where we are staying, but sporadic internet when out and about. I love it.

I dont even care if its sunny, dry would be nice, but we will have fun anyway. grin

Glad you had a lovely time at friends, enjoy the beach.

LoserNoMore Mon 22-Jul-13 13:37:23

Imtheonlyone, I haven't spoken to JD much the past week. We are going to meet up on Friday though.

I haven't heard about the job I went for the interview for last week. They said the would let me know by the end of last week. It's so annoying. My friend said I should call them but I'm not sure? Do people generally do that. I hate waiting but I can probably assume I didn't get it. I have no voicemails on mobile or landline so didn't miss a call when I was away. I just want to know for sure.

LoserNoMore Mon 22-Jul-13 16:02:49

SAF, how did your appointment go?

buildingmycorestrength Mon 22-Jul-13 17:48:20

LNM do ask for any feedback. Standard practice. And a nice way of reminding them you exist. grin.

imtheonlyone Mon 22-Jul-13 19:02:53

Yeah, I would call - and defo ask for feedback. I find it hard to do but useful smile

I'm sweating today - not stopped yet all day. Worked till 2.30 then went to school to run my little after school cooking club then into town to buy leaving gifts for teachers then big mossers shop. Got home put it all away and only now managing to get myself a drink whilst the boys' dinner is cooking!!! Got cubs treasure hunt to sort once boys are in bed!!!! Why do I do it all?!?!?!!!! confused

swallowedAfly Mon 22-Jul-13 21:01:22

a long and bullshit story that i just don't have the energy to tell tonight i'm afraid. especially as i popped into a 'family' pub where kids are welcome and where ds was happily playing on the bouncy castle and then having a game of pool with another boy his age and all was well until some misogynistic twat decided to reign forth his judgement on me for having my child in a pub. note he didn't decide to do that to the women whose children were there who had husbands or boyfriends with him but targeted the one without 'a man'. this from a man standing in a pub pissing away money who wouldn't have a clue what his kids were doing at that moment because his lovely long suffering wifie takes care of all of that.

if anyone has any advice on growing a thicker skin and not giving a shit about what complete arseholes say to them please do share.

i hate myself for giving a shit. they guy is a total wanker yet i let him throw me into shame and wanting to cry afterwards because i have those buttons.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Mon 22-Jul-13 21:35:59

SAF you need to read the Dr Brene Brown book - on Shame!

How dare he have a go at you, so what if the kids are in the pub. Its a lovely evening.

How did your appointment go today?

swallowedAfly Tue 23-Jul-13 13:21:49

thanks jax. had a look at her ted talks and have ordered a couple of books. i have also, rightly or wrongly we shall see, made an appointment with a counsellor. i seem to be struggling at the minute - not all the time but little things seem to trigger a huge amount of shame and vulnerability and fear that is really not nice and making me feeling very alone. not a great believer in counselling but have to try something and hope just getting some stuff out might help.

appointment was a bit of a nightmare - total, middle aged male god complex cliche type consultant who actually fucking gaslighted me making out i must be confused and upset when in fact i was actually quite clearly neither of those things but just logically disagreeing with him. what i have may indicate other stuff going on that would be cancer in need of treatment, may indicate that it's just this and we can watch and wait or may indicate pre-cancer. the only way to know is to have a full screening including a mammogram but the nhs dictates that i can wait till 40 for that due to statistically the risk of there being more going on only becomes financially imperative at 40+. i've challenged it and pointed out i'm not a statistic but a person and a mother of a six year old child and i can't wait 3 years to find out if i have cancer and he is going to bring it up at the team meeting on thursday and discuss my case properly with the pathologist who saw the carcinoma (who he hadn't gotten round to talking to) but it is looking likely i will have to find the cash to do it privately. was all a bit depressing and upsetting and luckily the nurse was lovely and talked to me afterwards reassuring me what i said was perfectly rational and my friend sat in on it too so was able to reassure me the gaslighting was his shit not mine.

god sorry - long splurge of a post as i seem to be in emotional wreck state today. wrong place for it - sorry lnm.

lazarusb Tue 23-Jul-13 16:35:54

Is this a good time to get health insurance SAF, before any diagnosis? I agree you shouldn't have to wait or pay for it either. No wonder you're feeling a bit vulnerable. Ignore the knobend in the pub - what an absolute idiot. I bet he's either single or there's a very miserable woman at home (hoping he won't be back soon).

LoserNoMore Tue 23-Jul-13 18:20:15

SAF, I'm sorry you're having a rough time of it. The guy at the pub is nothing but a bully. I wish I had tips for dealing with people like him but I don't. I need a thicker skin too.

Going private does sound like a good option when faced with doctors like that. Why in gods name would you wait 3 years! Bloody hell.

I'm well and truly hacked off today. Everything's pissing me off. I wouldn't even know where to start. Ex is driving me nuts, the girls are at his tonight so trying to avoid the Echo Falls in the fridge screaming my name.

swallowedAfly Tue 23-Jul-13 18:28:01

having wine here but trying not to guzzle despite temptation. won't help.

guy is a bully and basically a misogynistic who hasn't the balls to pick on women whose partners might belt him one but happy to do it to the woman alone. his wife is absolutely lovely, i was stunned when i found out they were married and she actually put up with the egotistical twat.

the 3yrs is nhs funding stuff - as in women don't screened till 50 because that's where they have balanced the risk/cost analysis. if you do have rogue cells like this (even though in x% of women further screening shows it's comorbid with a more advanced cancer) then they let you start from 40 instead. i asked the guy if i was just 20 would he be saying the same, as in wait 20 years and he said yes. it's the only thing that materially motivates me actually - the idea of being able to afford the healthcare you need when you need it rather than be cap in hand to the nhs. my sister had a lump not long back and the doctor actually said 'yes, it's a lump and it 'could' be cancer but as you're under 50 we have to wait 6months to see whether it goes away and if it's still there we'll give you a mammogram'. it is unbelievable how much they are governed by rules that are all about costs. sorry - another mini rant.

lnm how about setting yourself a limit of one/two glasses and not having one till after you've had a relaxing bath for example and seeing if you still actually feel like it?

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