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Another Thread (LoserNoMore...again)

(436 Posts)
LoserNoMore Wed 10-Jul-13 16:58:49

Hi, so on another thread but not really much further forward, in fact I feel worse. Anyway I've been to the doctors and have Anti D's and referred to a counsellor. Hopefully these will work.

Thanks to everyone for their support on previous threads and PMs too, it is all very much appreciated.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Fri 12-Jul-13 07:34:01

morning everyone. brew brew brew flowers

Its Friday. LNM - any plans for weekend? How are you feeling now?

Im meeting a friend today, havent seen her for ages, she moved away for a year and is now back!

Waterwater Fri 12-Jul-13 07:51:30

Good morning all. How are you? Was wondering which anti d was prescribed. I had v bad reaction to proZac. I'm on mirtazapime which is one that's good for sleep too. Helps establish a routine.

I was prescribed another one which can't remember name of but it did absolutely nothing. I was literally willing it to work but seemed like I was on a
Sugar tablet!

PyroclasticFlo Fri 12-Jul-13 08:29:19

LNM I havne't been on your thread for a while and horrified to read it this morning and see how low you are / have been.

Just wanted to send huge, huge hugs to you and say well done for getting yourself to the Dr's. I hope things start to work soon and in the meantime just rest and be kind to yourself.

You've been through so much my love, and there are so many of us willing you on and sending you our love.


siezethenight Fri 12-Jul-13 08:56:46

lmn As above, I also have not been on thread for a while and read this one this morning with sad
You have got to give yourself time to grieve for the relationship and the future you thought you had. Its all changed and we as humans, don't generally take to change too well. We have to adjust. It takes time, especially when its been such a huge change. An emotional change that hurts.
Your ex is a bastard, pure and simple and although its tough to see it right now in your fog of pain and depression - you are far, far better off out of it all. He will go on to hurt another woman little doubt about it but he can not ever hurt you again. You have to hold on to that and pull yourself up a little bit.
The hurt this man has caused to you is disgusting. You can't get off scott free with hurting another person, you soon get your turn. Remember life has a funny way of dealing out payback and concentrate rather on him and his behaviour but on yourself and your healing and moving on.

That's it really - I shall scuttle back off to no-man's land now and leave you with your good posters here. Listen to them - they are right in all they say. I wish you good luck.

Conina Fri 12-Jul-13 09:12:19

LNM - I'm a lurker too, and rarely post, but I want to tell you that it sounds like you're fighting your way through the storm. (Which sounds wrong in bright sunlight but I'm still drinking coffee and not yet eloquent).

What an utter prat your ex was to have screwed something up with you - you've behaved with dignity and a decency that Id be hard pressed to summon - which is a testament to your love for your girls. Sorry if that is all a bit full on...

The ADs made me feel quite spaced out - try to take the opportunity to just give your thinking a rest. I felt like I was somehow surrendering and just 'being' for a while. I was exhausted with thinking unhappiness all the time. All a bit 'woo' I suppose but honestly, shhing the relentless monologue of questions in my head was appreciated!


lazarusb Fri 12-Jul-13 10:11:33

imtheonlyone I'm glad your dp is being a bit more appreciative. Can I amend the toblerone cheesecake recipe a bit please? I felt it needed something crunchy as I like texture so we smashed up a Daim bar and sprinkled it on top - it works really well....also added whipped cream and strawberries (because we're pigs & were celebrating!).

LNM I hope the ADs are beginning to kick in a little bit and you're slowly beginning to feel lighter. When are the girls coming home? I bet they've missed you as much as you've missed them. Don't feel downhearted if he's been the 'Disney dad' this week either, it's all part of the game they play. Take care.

Waterwater Fri 12-Jul-13 11:04:43

Hi LNM if you get chance just drop us a hi. I know you may feel like just being quiet at the moment, but just a hi to keep in touch would be good.

LoserNoMore Fri 12-Jul-13 11:15:27


Water, it's Fluoxetine I have. Can't wait for the side effects to kick in hmm Sounds like fun! I've been reading up and I know the effects don't last forever but still apprehensive.

Thanks for all your posts and delurkers for support and advice too thanks

Girls are back on Sunday, seems like ages. No plans, might just potter around the garden. Was going to start a vegetable patch in the garden but don't know where to start...maybe a trip to Homebase for some pointers. I don't really do gardening but it's something to do outside too.

Sounds like fun Jax, have a good day.

LoserNoMore Fri 12-Jul-13 11:18:32

Took me so long to post that, Water. I x posted with you.

Waterwater Fri 12-Jul-13 11:27:14

Hi there. I don't know how it works in general but for me the ones I'm on, and that worked for me, didn't cause any side effects at all.

The leaflet didn't make fun reading, but I was prepared and didn't get any. Don't know if there's a correlation there or not. Ie whether other people have had terrible side effects and then gone on to be really happy on the ones they are using.

So you might be lucky and not get side effects like me. Only one I did get was the one previously alluded to. And I was mighty pissed off! However, that then disappeared after a few weeks as settled in my system I guess.

Trial and error to get to the ones that suit you. Did you contact JD in the end?

lazarusb Fri 12-Jul-13 11:28:03

I'd love to give you advice about gardening but I'm completely, hopelessly shit at it. I think I may have even killed my roses and I've been told that's impossible. hmm

Orchidlady Fri 12-Jul-13 11:34:23

LNM, have followed you thread so hope you don't mind me joining in ,sorry to hear you are feeling bad at the moment but you have been through so much. Well if you need any pointers on gardening I would be glad to help, I find it very therapeutic, your girls would love it.

Waterwater Fri 12-Jul-13 11:51:55

The gardening is an excellent idea even the seriously cack handed (me).

When I was in a similar situation to you about 15 years ago now and split from dh everything was grey. Looking back don't think I was depressed I was in shock.

Anyway, when I got to the stage of trying to pick myself up I thought of cheering garden up. Pots with 'cute' and cheerful flowers did wonders. Normally can't say I'd have taken any notice of flowers at all. But I remember back to that time and going home to check on my little fifi flowertots in the garden did give me a focus.

I think when everything has lost its shine is when really cheerful cutsie kind of flowers are the only things bright enough to notice. Think it takes us back to our childhood when we were smaller, down near the flowers height and seeing everything for the first time. There's something therapeutic about it.

If you're not thinking I'm nuts yet ! Think back to some really cheery flowers you remember from playing ouyltside on a sunny day when you were a child. Or of course, if you're not mad like me then there's plenty of proper grown up flowers too!

When I said thinking back I wasn't depressed, I was in shock is something wanted you to think about. The depression that I've taken medication for is , I think, actually a culmination of different knocks over my adult life that just wore me down.

I think you may find similar with you. Things like the massive shock of you being there trying to save your step father etc. the worrying about your mum etc.

It may be lots of little bumps along the way have led you to feel how you do today. This is why you need to be kind to yourself and not think - oh other people just get on with it. Everyone's back history comes crashing through their protection barrier when another blow comes their way.

LoserNoMore Fri 12-Jul-13 12:11:58

Thanks OrchidLady, of course I don't mind. I'm hoping an Idiots Guide to Gardening exists. I'm the same Lazarus, I kill house plants merely by being in their presence!

Water, I spoke to JD just now. He has a day off so he's coming over. May rope him in on the gardening front.

LoserNoMore Fri 12-Jul-13 12:15:59

Water, I think youre right, it is a culmination of everything. I've just ignored my real feelings about it and made out I can cope when really all it's done has come back and bit me on the arse.

Waterwater Fri 12-Jul-13 12:26:37

Speak again soon. Hope you have a good day x

Orchidlady Fri 12-Jul-13 13:04:57

LOL, LNM I think you should also get some flowers. Go grab some Petunias, compost and some plant food. And water each day, really you could not kill them promise. Easy veg, Courgettes. Grow really quickly and look great. Am always here for gardening tips. Have a great day

PyroclasticFlo Fri 12-Jul-13 14:08:57

LNM I think gardening is a great idea, it's definitely one of the two things that keep me sane and always lifts my spirits. Maybe try some simple salad things that grow quickly so you get results fast - radishes and mixed leaves / lettuces are dead easy and will germinate in a day or two in this weather. And if you want bright flowers nasturtiums are very quick and easy to grow and you can even be posh and put the flowers in your salad! wink

The other thing that helps my sanity is writing a journal - maybe it would help you too? To have a place where it's completely safe to write out how you really feel and what you really want rather than the 'public' face you have to put on for others and the 'brave' face you have to put on for the DDs. Somewhere you can be yourself and hear yourself think, admit things to yourself, say the things to yourself that you can't say to anyone else.

If you do try it, make sure it's always a 'safe' space i.e. that you're always kind to yourself when you're writing, and that it's kept somewhere that you know no-one else can find it. I find it unbelievably therapeutic, and it's free grin.

Hope you're feeling a bit brighter today. flowers

lazarusb Fri 12-Jul-13 14:13:11

Hope you work that man hard LNM! grin (I'm so shallow - don't you feel sorry for my dh!).

LoserNoMore Fri 12-Jul-13 14:16:14

I've located my nearest garden centre so going shortly. We are going for a detour to the beach so that'll put a smile on my face smile

LoserNoMore Fri 12-Jul-13 14:16:55

Ha Lazarus, filth!

Thanks Flo

imtheonlyone Fri 12-Jul-13 14:45:14

Hello ladies grin see you've been busy this morning wink

Lazarus you've made me laugh - that sounds like a superb amendment to the toblerone cheesecake - may have to go and get the ingredients for it now!!! Including the cream and strawberries lol!

LNM - beach and garden centre sounds good! I'm pleased to hear you're off out with JD. You can't beat a good sea breeze in this sunshine for lifting the spirits! The man is just a bonus grin. Hope you have a fab time

Afraid I have no gardening tips at all - I too kill things as soon as they enter my possession!! I'm a carer and had to go and buy and plant some dahlias for this old man I look after. I've just been there this morning and I'm pleased to say that 10 days on and they're still, thankfully, alive!!!!! My own garden is a sorry mess!!

Hope you all have some lovely plans for the weekend!

imtheonlyone Fri 12-Jul-13 14:47:36

Anyone heard from SAF or little esme?

LoserNoMore Fri 12-Jul-13 15:21:02

SAF is on holiday in Egypt envy LittleEsme, has been mad bust at work I think sad Hopefully she will check in soon.

On way to garden centre, JD is lost but won't admit it. I'm pretending to be oblivious and let him get on with it. I was taking the sat nav to the car and not only did I drop it I kicked it accidentally across the car park, oops!

Can't beat the beach, fish n chips, ice cream and watching the waves. Only thing missing is the girls. JD has a calming influence on me. I just feel untroubled by everything when I'm with him. Wtf!

LoserNoMore Fri 12-Jul-13 15:36:16

Also, Cabbage/HWA. Hope you're alright too.

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