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Another Thread (LoserNoMore...again)

(436 Posts)
LoserNoMore Wed 10-Jul-13 16:58:49

Hi, so on another thread but not really much further forward, in fact I feel worse. Anyway I've been to the doctors and have Anti D's and referred to a counsellor. Hopefully these will work.

Thanks to everyone for their support on previous threads and PMs too, it is all very much appreciated.

LoserNoMore Thu 11-Jul-13 10:01:44


Perfectstorm and toothgenie thank you for the kind words.

I'm still in bed, can see a clear blue sky and sunshine out the window. I still can't force myself to get up. I've taken today and tomorrow off work anyway. I just need to find something to motivate me from bed...

buildingmycorestrength Thu 11-Jul-13 10:05:33

You are allowed to stay in bed. No problem. Later you'll get up without thinking about it and it will be fine.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Thu 11-Jul-13 10:08:47

stay in bed, open the windows, let some fresh air in. You dont have to get up if you dont want to. Got a good book? If not, get one.

lazarusb Thu 11-Jul-13 10:13:29

I'm glad yesterday evening was a bit more positive. As others have said, you don't have to end things with JD. If you can keep it as 'just sex', why not? If you feel either of you is developing feelings of a more romantic nature reassess then. You may decide you're ready for that some months down the line, you may not. You may find yourself beating him off with a stick.

Your first week away from the girls was always going to be hard, it wouldn't be normal if it hadn't got you down, but it will get easier as time goes on. Glad you spoke to them on Skype. My ex wouldn't let me have any contact at all with ds when he was with him. Even if I saw them in the street I wasn't supposed to say hello...he really was an arsehole!

Waterwater Thu 11-Jul-13 10:20:33

I agree with everyone - stay in bed and lick your wounds, metaphorically speaking, of course smile.

Really listen to what your body wants and not your mind ifykwim?

As someone said previously your mind isn't your best friend at the moment. Your body wants you to get stronger and it'll know what's best for you - that's probably staying in bed.

LoserNoMore Thu 11-Jul-13 10:46:47

I always feel guilty for lying in bed too long. I got up, needed a cuppa anyway.

JD has text a few times since Monday. I haven't replied but I think he thinks he's done something wrong which he hasnt but I'll speak to him today. If nothing else he's always there to listen. I'm just not going to over think the whole thing.

Waterwater Thu 11-Jul-13 10:54:26

Sounds like an excellent plan. You're very wise not to over think or project yourself into the future. Plan for today and that's your focus. Well done.

LoserNoMore Thu 11-Jul-13 11:05:19

Overthinking is never good, not in my head anyway. Pity there isn't a little switch to turn off.

Lazarus, what a total arsehole your ex is.

mumat39 Thu 11-Jul-13 11:13:41

Morning LNM. So pleased to hear that you have a couple of days off.

Don't feel guilty about not getting up. If you were at work, then nothing would have been done at home until after you got home later anyway.

There are some good apps for relaxing to. Maybe something like that would be a good distraction.


lazarusb Thu 11-Jul-13 12:20:24

yep! grin

As far as JD goes, don't feel you have to explain this to him. Tell him you've been busy, preparing to go back to work etc. Maybe reiterate this is a casual, no strings arrangement....he may be surprised to be on the end of a statement like that! grin

LoserNoMore Thu 11-Jul-13 12:31:26

Thanks mumat39. It's too hot for housework anyway. I'm not used to this heat, it is nice though.

Lazarus, we kind of had that conversation s few weeks ago. We both agreed it was nothing serious yet but in the distant future maybe. He has said he's happy to go at my pace so I'm probably worrying unnecessarily.

MissStrawberry Thu 11-Jul-13 12:41:00

Ask him if he is bothered if you don't reply to his texts. What he says will give you a clue as to how he is feeling. Some people say they want no strings etc but find they really fall for the person or can't actually cope with things being casual.

Alwayskeptalidon Thu 11-Jul-13 12:47:34

Enjoy the weather LNM. It's not often like this.

Glad you are feeling a bit better.
Go at your own pace with JD. He seems OK with that.

As for feeling guilty about staying in bed, it seems to happen to us all after we become Mums!

LoserNoMore Thu 11-Jul-13 13:52:37

I know always what's that all about. I could lie in bed all day pre kids!

MissS I don't think he was bothered as such, more concerned maybe. It's confusing for me. I like him, he's good for me but I'm not used to this. I've only ever been with ex. It's too soon to jump into a relationship and I'd hate to hurt him or set myself up to be hurt. See I'm over thinking again.

lazarusb Thu 11-Jul-13 16:09:03

It was because he's worried about why you aren't responding to texts I said that. It suggests a bit more investment than just FWB to me. However, you know him better than I do!

Just go at your own pace. A good shag is great medicine ime! grin

LoserNoMore Thu 11-Jul-13 16:49:27

Very true, Lazarus.

I cannot be doing with these mood changes. Feel like I'm going mad. I have too much time to think. I'm wandering around, can't concentrate on one particular thing to occupy my mind. I've never felt in such a dark place.

Waterwater Thu 11-Jul-13 17:34:14

Did the gp go through the checklist I mentioned?

Have you been depressed ever before? Been to gp about it. I'm just wondering how much you know about depression is reason I'm asking. The more you know and see how many of the ticks you are ticking you might make more sense of things you feel?

I expect you know one of the most common aspects of depression is a loss of pleasure in things you were able to previously enjoy.

For instance I was always very much into music and humming a tune. Loved reading. Those things slowly ebbed away until I was at the stage of genuinely not understanding the point of listening to music? What's the point? That was the most common thought I had.

Readingdidnt happen because there was no point obviously! But also I would never have had the concentration.

Brain on the one hand flits from thing to thing and not concentrate but on the other hand I could concentrate for hours on black thoughts.

Although I knew all these things it didn't actually dawn on me I was depressed. I kept thinking it was in my control and tomorrow things would seem better. It was when I finally accepted I wasn't going to do that without bit of help that I went to gp.


Do read the leaflet in your tab box. Very important to know that some people react in first few weeks and have blacker thoughts almost to a compulsive feeling. I know someone that this happened to. It's very important to speak out if you find that happening to you.

Sorry if loads of typos on my phone.

lazarusb Thu 11-Jul-13 18:46:27

When I had depression I felt like I was constantly under a blanket, struggling to get out. A bit like swimming through treacle, trying hard and getting nowhere. Nowadays when I have a dip (like last week), I recognise it immediately and can find ways to pick myself up again. I'm acutely conscious of it at times.

The good news is you will get through this. You are a great, loving Mum and a fabulous and amazing woman and this is a blip - a bloody nasty one but a blip all the same - in the path that is your life. In the meantime, ask for help - if your friends ask how you are, tell them! Keep posting here. Read any info about depression you can, it can make things clearer.

LoserNoMore Thu 11-Jul-13 21:19:35

Water, no chekist, just 2 or 3 questions the he done the prescriptin.

Thank you both.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Thu 11-Jul-13 21:32:11

AARGH! just lost my long post.

The point was, 'this' affects us in different ways, but we all have the 'black cloud' symptom. I struggled to do anything, but felt agitated at not doing anything. Didnt WANT to go/do stuff, but didnt want to be in the house. Couldnt concentrate to read/music/cook.

Awful. But Im better now. So much better.

MissStrawberry Thu 11-Jul-13 21:40:06

You aren't over thinking things. You are right to be cautious but don't be too hesitant. JD might turn out to be the one. Just keep talking to him and being honest with yourself and what will be will be.

imtheonlyone Thu 11-Jul-13 21:48:10

I'm always astonished, when getting to know people better, how many people I know who've had anti depressants or have dealt with depression either for themselves or a partner.

It's nothing to be ashamed of, just something to help you through a really bad time in your life. That's how I looked at it and for me that's what it was. I knew when I was ready to start to come off them, and it was fairly quick when it happened.

But boy did it help. I don't think I would ever have managed without them. And it was great for the weight loss too smile esp the first couple of weeks!

Jax - I know that feeling having lost a post you've spent ages typing out angry what a pain angryangry

I've given up tonight and we've had a chippy tea and cracked open a bottle of wine. Since I flipped out over his lack of help round the house, DP has been over attentive, got a pandora charm and he's been really really helpful!!!! I must flip out more often winkgrin

Waterwater Thu 11-Jul-13 21:50:30

Good night LNM - catch up with you again tomorrow

Alwayskeptalidon Thu 11-Jul-13 23:00:17

Night night LNM.

Try to get some sleep.

Bless you.

AndMiffyWentToSleep Fri 12-Jul-13 06:33:46

I'm hoping it is another cooler day today...

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