Water, you write so beautifully. I wish I had your way with words.
LNM, hello again. I'm so so glad you've been to the gp and that they've been able to get you on the road to recovery.
I've been thinking about you alot today. When I discovered my exH had been cheating on me, I was devastated. We didn't have children, so it was different in that sense, but he was my everything, and I felt so so awful. I would spend evenings just sitting and staring into space and would get up in the morning and go to work and just get on with things. I didn't tell anyone, I just carried on. Smiling on the outside but felt like a massicve part of me had died. Gradually I stopped noticing the numbness. About a year or so later, I met my DP. We started going out and having fun and it was great. However, when things started to get serious and I started having feelings for him, that's when I started to feel really insecure and it got worse everyday. I remember not being able to walk down the street without seeing women who I was convinced were better than me and who would be better than me for my DP. It was crazy and it got so bad that I couldn't function. Thats when i used to wonder about the speeding trains. the only reason i didnt jump was because i couldnt do that to my family, or to the commuters on the train and definitely not to the train driver.
That was the first time that I asked for help and went to see my Gp. I got anti-depressants and thank goodness I did. I am still with my DP 13 years later and we have two lovely children.
I'm not all 'fixed' and perfect, but I am also no longer in that place where you now find yourself.
I think I'm sharing this because I didn't deal with the fallout from things at the beginning, when I first discovered just what my exH had been up to. I blocked it out. But it caught up with me and I had to go through the dark days in order to actually accept what happened and to move on from it.
I have been on anti depressants again for the last couple of years for different reasons.
As water said, you are just at the beginning. If these anti-d's don't work, then go back to the gp and talk to them. Don't give up on them. Don't give up on yourself.
Wishing you all the very best for the next seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks and months ahead.
Xxx