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Another Thread (LoserNoMore...again)

(436 Posts)
LoserNoMore Wed 10-Jul-13 16:58:49

Hi, so on another thread but not really much further forward, in fact I feel worse. Anyway I've been to the doctors and have Anti D's and referred to a counsellor. Hopefully these will work.

Thanks to everyone for their support on previous threads and PMs too, it is all very much appreciated.

Alwayskeptalidon Wed 10-Jul-13 17:32:36

Was worried about you LNM.

You have come on. You have been living on anger and adrenalin. You are now experiencing the next stage on this terrible road that has been forced upon you.

Take it easy and give it time for the meds to work.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood Wed 10-Jul-13 17:35:40

Bless you. And well done. I have lurked often but didn't feel I had anything to add to the great advice you were getting. Just wanted to post to fill the space before your 'regular' posters come along.

You have been so brave and inspirational and strong. But you do not always have to be that way. Vulnerable and in need is fine too.

Your girls need and love you. You know that. You are the centre of their world. Wishing you well with all my heart.

ChipsNEggs Wed 10-Jul-13 17:38:17

Glad you're back LNM. You may not feel further forward but you've taken the steps to get you moving in the right direction. You probably feel temporarily worse as it was a very hard thing to do to go and speak to someone face to face and admit how your feeling.

Anti-d's can make you feel a bit sick when you start taking them, if I found a couple of tablespoons of plain boiled white rice helps your stomach to settle.

Try and get to bed as early as you can and make sure you eat. Even a milkshake or a smoothie if you don't feel up to it.

Got to go as I'm sitting in MaccyD's carpark nicking internet. Our home connection has gone down again angry. I'll check in on you a.s.a.p.

Big hugs and flowers

imtheonlyone Wed 10-Jul-13 17:56:01

Hey you! Well done today. You have taken a massive step forward and please don't feel like you've let yourself or anyone else down.
You are a human being, just like the rest of us - there are limits to how much shit we can get thrown at us before we blow a fuse and you've had more than your fair share!
You may not feel further forward, but in a way you are. How long has it been since that first 'this doesn't look good does it?' post? You've survived everything that's been thrown at you so don't beat yourself up. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Having moments where you want everything to be over is not a son of weakness. You are not weak at all. You are human and can only take so much.
Try the Ads and see how you get on. They worked so well for me when I was in that dark place. They will make you feel bloody awful for the first couple of weeks - I felt terribly sick - but once you begin to see the difference it's amazing. And I had counselling for 18 months or more and it was the best thing I ever did. Just brilliant and I don't know where I would be if I hadn't had it. So I hope something works for you and clears some of the fog so that you can one yourself again.

Just as an aside - the ADs - the worst side effect for me was losing the ability to climax during sex! Wasn't impressed at all so if that happens with JD (not even sure if you will but you know, just in case wink be warned!!!)

Big hugs LNM thanks

LoserNoMore Wed 10-Jul-13 18:14:08

Thank you.

Just as an aside - the ADs - the worst side effect for me was losing the ability to climax during sex! Wasn't impressed at all so if that happens with JD (not even sure if you will but you know, just in case be warned!!!)

Kick a girl when she's down why don't ye ;) On the subject of JD, I'm not sure if I should knock that on the head. I don't want to set myself up for more hurt. On the other hand he makes me feel good and not worthless. I don't know.

I went to pick up prescription a wee while ago and spotted ex with the girls walking along the street. I felt sick seeing them. My heart actually ached sad they didn't see me which is probably a good thing.

imtheonlyone Wed 10-Jul-13 18:28:12

Sorry!!!!!!!! it may not happen to you but I thought there was something wring with me when I found my new man wink.

Do what you feel comfortable doing. If he makes you feel good about yourself and you enjoy it and he knows where you both stand then where's the harm? It's going to be so hard to trust someone again and let them get close. But you absolutely don't have to do that yet. Deal with yourself first because that's most important. Don't knock it on the head if its going to make you feel worse. Throughout your posts you've been at your happiest when you've been with him. Don't think about it too much, if you feel like seeing him and he makes you happy then why not?

That's just my opinion. Most importantly just do what YOU want to do.

Ouch re seeing the girls - that was bad timing. Do something tonight to keep your mind occupied!! wink

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots Wed 10-Jul-13 18:42:08

LNM good to see you back. Give the pills time to kick in, and gradually you'll get stronger. Counselling will help, but it'll take time. If you don't feel the AD's are working, you can get the dosage changed, or switched to something else that's better. Just stick with it. You'll get there, slowly but surely. Sometimes it's not about getting better as such, but learning new ways to dealing with things when everything seems so bleak.

buildingmycorestrength Wed 10-Jul-13 19:38:17

Glad to see you, LNM. Very good call, going to the doc asap.

Some people can access private treatment through work. Just putting it out there, don't know your situation.

It is hard being without your kids for a week unexpectedly. I know you have had a LOT else going on too, but I actually think people underestimate how hard it is for mothers to be separated from their children (sometimes wink ). And it can sort of set off all other kinds of linked reactions. Anyway.

Hopefully you can sleep tonight....bath with bits in? Bit of telly? Paint your nails? Nice food that the kids won't eat?

Waterwater Wed 10-Jul-13 19:39:06

Good to hear from you again. There's no right or wrong about how long things take until you feel you are you again. MN is here for the long haul and for you to drop in and out of as you need.

You are probably feeling physically battered by the emotions. It's good to rest and not look for answers or make decisions and just gather your physical strength back.

The anti depressants might not be the right ones for you etc, dosage will probably go up etc. so you are at beginning of a process to find what's right for you.

I've noticed all of us posting have said the anti d will take time, might not be right so there's certainly lots of people on here to help you work out if you are happy with what you have been prescribed etc.

Don't feel bad about feeling you haven't got your chin up etc you are going through the equivalent of an hgv running you down. Somehow you are still standing, eventually you'll be out of the daze and start to dust yourself down and notice you can see the horizon again. The fog - once you're through it you'll know why we keep calling it that.

Areyoumadorisitme Wed 10-Jul-13 19:39:21

Glad you have the ads and I hope they kick in soon.

Keep JD going as long as it is fun and you don't feel you're getting too emotionally invested.

Thinking of you this week.

LoserNoMore Wed 10-Jul-13 20:06:25

Defintely need rest, if I could sleep away the next few weeks I would. Wish there was a quick fix.

Waterwater Wed 10-Jul-13 20:29:13

Don't try to look too far ahead. This will get easier to do.

What I found was I couldn't see any hope and I was projecting so far ahead into the future. However, at the same time I only pictured myself in same state of mind but in the future iykwim?

That's not your future. When you are feeling yourself again well, you will find you naturally will start living in the moment again. You'll think about next couple of days etc but what you won't do is keep trying to see somewhere far into the future.

You really won't feel like this forever. So your future is brighter than you can imagine now. Try to get through each bit of the day and don't project yourself on to tomorrow etc. (well try to, as I know it's more difficult than it sounds where you are).

MissStrawberry Wed 10-Jul-13 20:52:03

IME I had severe side effects so I would advise you read the pamphlet so you know what might happen. I didn't and freaked out whereas if I had known it was a possibility I might have been okay.

It can take up to 2 weeks for them to start working.

With JD could you talk to him about how you are feeling and see if between you you can't come to an arrangement for how you want things to go?

Don't let your ex take any more of your life away from you. You are an amazing woman - I read your initial thread and thought then you were incredibly strong - and while things are shit now nothing lasts forever and you will be fine. Just take it steady and try not to stress about things you can't change.

<sends chocolate cake (calorie free of course), a masseur for relaxation, treat snacks and a glossy mag>

JaxTellerIsAllMine Wed 10-Jul-13 20:56:29

oh god yes, I had forgot about THAT side effect. It doesnt last too long though iirc.

Glad Ive found new thread.

You have done so well, this is another step in the process. A totally, shitty part, but another step. Remember the boulder > gravel scenario?

mumat39 Wed 10-Jul-13 21:13:29

Water, you write so beautifully. I wish I had your way with words.

LNM, hello again. I'm so so glad you've been to the gp and that they've been able to get you on the road to recovery.

I've been thinking about you alot today. When I discovered my exH had been cheating on me, I was devastated. We didn't have children, so it was different in that sense, but he was my everything, and I felt so so awful. I would spend evenings just sitting and staring into space and would get up in the morning and go to work and just get on with things. I didn't tell anyone, I just carried on. Smiling on the outside but felt like a massicve part of me had died. Gradually I stopped noticing the numbness. About a year or so later, I met my DP. We started going out and having fun and it was great. However, when things started to get serious and I started having feelings for him, that's when I started to feel really insecure and it got worse everyday. I remember not being able to walk down the street without seeing women who I was convinced were better than me and who would be better than me for my DP. It was crazy and it got so bad that I couldn't function. Thats when i used to wonder about the speeding trains. the only reason i didnt jump was because i couldnt do that to my family, or to the commuters on the train and definitely not to the train driver.

That was the first time that I asked for help and went to see my Gp. I got anti-depressants and thank goodness I did. I am still with my DP 13 years later and we have two lovely children.

I'm not all 'fixed' and perfect, but I am also no longer in that place where you now find yourself.

I think I'm sharing this because I didn't deal with the fallout from things at the beginning, when I first discovered just what my exH had been up to. I blocked it out. But it caught up with me and I had to go through the dark days in order to actually accept what happened and to move on from it.

I have been on anti depressants again for the last couple of years for different reasons.

As water said, you are just at the beginning. If these anti-d's don't work, then go back to the gp and talk to them. Don't give up on them. Don't give up on yourself.

Wishing you all the very best for the next seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks and months ahead.

AndMiffyWentToSleep Wed 10-Jul-13 21:19:57

I thought you'd gone all quiet - then I found the new thread!!
I hope the ADs work quickly.

minkembernard Wed 10-Jul-13 21:40:34

i found the same issue hmm with a ds. sky i got a piercinggrin fixed that problem and also helped out the navigationally challengedgrin no need to draw them a map anymore.

hang in there LNM. think you are a bit like me in that you deal with stuff first, then you skate along pretending too be fine because you are determined to be fine. but eventually you will have to grieve properly and admit it really is utterly shit and that you are entitled to feel a bit shit..but if you let yourself be down about it for a bitbit then from there the only way is up. smile or that is my fervent hope.

LoserNoMore Wed 10-Jul-13 22:23:24

I really can't thank you all enough for your support and invaluable advice. Restores my faith in humankind.

I've had a long shower without sustaining a head injury, tidied up, eaten ice cream, spoke to the girls on Skype and just relaxing. Feeling a bit better, still a bit weird and 'floaty' is the only way to describe it.

perfectstorm Wed 10-Jul-13 22:25:05

I'm only lurking, really, but Loser I am so sending you all the good wishes in the world. I wish so much things were fair in this life. You're amazing.

Waterwater Wed 10-Jul-13 22:41:57

That's really good to hear LNM. I am off to bed but Just dropping in to wish you a good night, and hope to catch up on here again tomorrow.

Mumat39 very sweet thing to say to a bloody waffller like me! It's sad but inspiring to read so many of us know and understand how LNM feels. Inspiring because we are all making our way and relieved we found a way to get through.

buildingmycorestrength Wed 10-Jul-13 22:45:29

Sleep well, lnm. xx

toothgenie Thu 11-Jul-13 00:03:08

Another lurker, sending positive thoughts and best wishes. I have followed you from the beginning and you've been an inspiration to me. You are a truly decent human being and your girls are lucky to have such a loving mum.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Thu 11-Jul-13 08:00:30

morning everyone. brew coffee on the side for all who want.

LNM - so glad to hear that you have had a mind shift. I hope the meds kick in soon and work for you. Be kind to yourself, but stay away from the vodka. wink

Waterwater Thu 11-Jul-13 09:28:46

Good morning LNM, jax and all. Thanks, you make a lovely cuppa.

Let us know how you are doing when you get a chance. Mind shifts good but they do shift all over the place, so remember the good ones and get through the bad ones.

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