Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Back for more wise words

(89 Posts)
mummytasha11 Mon 08-Jul-13 20:49:47

Hi everyone

Have posted on here quite a lot recently and found all the advice great...hopefully this will be the last time..

So my ex fiancé has said he has now realised (4 months) later the mistake he has made and asked if its too late to sort things. Last week he said he loved me and always will but he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now but now he's saying all this.

Background is he left me in march our wedding was booked for aug. he also left me 2 years ago when i was pregnant with our ds

He did find out yesterday that I have been speaking to someone else ( nice guy I met out a few weeks ago)

I have said that I cnt see a future for us as a couple because I don't trust him and can't see me ever feeling the same

Am I doing the right thing?

mummytasha11 Thu 11-Jul-13 19:34:57

I have asked him to give me some space and we will talk at the weekend and I will give him my final answer....can't see it going well

Doha Thu 11-Jul-13 19:38:20

So why wait until the weekend for the final answer?

I hope that does not mean that you are considering taking him back. If you are more fool you. If you are not wanting him back pout an end to this nonsense now and stop dragging it out.

fruminousbandersnatch Thu 11-Jul-13 19:56:00

OP, You've been given brilliant advice on this thread and you've ignored it.

What is the point of talking at the weekend? You know that if you see him you will be talked into giving him 'another chance' to fuck you over again.

I give up.

IAmNotAMindReader Thu 11-Jul-13 20:16:51

Just because he isn't a complete ogre and does have some nice points does not mean you owe him the rest of your life.

You have many reasons to end it with him but you don't seem to feel they are valid. Honestly, because you want to end it is a good enough reason alone.

Doha Thu 11-Jul-13 23:20:57

Are you actually enjoying the drama of it all Mummytasha11???

Mixxy Fri 12-Jul-13 04:17:48

I hate to attack OPs, but doha has a point. Nobody here has told you, in any way, that taking him back is a good idea. In fact, it seems like a no-brainer. However, if you want to walk down the aisle with this pig, go ahead. Sounds like you want it. Just don't complain when it goes tits up. Which it will of course...

Walkacrossthesand Fri 12-Jul-13 07:18:41

Here's the thing. You've been unable to hold out against his wheedling/guilt-tripping even when it's not face-to-face, and you've agreed to meet up with him. Chances of you holding fast and not giving him 'another chance' when you meet up? Approximately zero. Chances of you being back here in 6months/1year/whatever, because history has repeated itself and you wish you hadn't? Approximately 100%. You're the only one that can change the course of this particular river. He doesn't want to - he likes the way things are - and we can't do it for you.

Beckamaw Fri 12-Jul-13 07:52:49

I don't know your ex, and nor do the other posters. This is probably the thought that is keeping your hope afloat.

However, if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always had.
You think your child deserves a chance at a stable life with both parents. Your ex has never, ever given that option!!
Put your child first. A child deserves stability; not some prick who swans in and out as he feels fit.

Choose. Choose to have yourself and your precious child crapped on again. Choose to confuse your child completely. Choose to have your child think this is a normal and desirable way to conduct relationships. Or choose to reject your ex and give him the stability he deserves.

The power is all in your hands.

Jux Fri 12-Jul-13 08:54:36

Don't meet him at the w/e. you can easily text him with a short message "can't make it, sorry". If he wants to know why, you don't actually owe him an answer and you don't have to explain. You can, if you must, just say something has come up. That's the absolute most he's entitled to. Don't give him more.

You have no need to meet him, to listen to his lies again.

Get on with your life. Make it a happy one without this lying tosser figuring in it.

Your son will be fine seeing his dad every other w/e, like millions of other children are. Your son will not be fine with a dad who is constantly lying, controlling you, making you miserable and stressed. Call a halt to it now. You have nothing to gain by allowing this to continue and everything to lose.

Don't do it to yourself. Don't do it to your boy.

mummytasha11 Fri 12-Jul-13 21:28:07

I have sent him a text message saying basically I have thought about it and my decision is the same and I don't see any point in meeting up as will be too hard.

He replied saying I was afraid of that

Now I have to face him tomorrow as he is having his son....

Hope I have done the right thing

yamsareyammy Fri 12-Jul-13 22:01:30

Are you naturally an indecisive person?

mummytasha11 Fri 12-Jul-13 22:14:45

I think I probably am or maybe it's just fear of the unknown

NettleTea Fri 12-Jul-13 22:27:41

arrange for someone else to do the contact handover. the longer you go without seeing him the stronger you will feel, and the more you will realise you dont need a creep like that messing with your head

Jux Sat 13-Jul-13 10:35:54

You probably aren't indecisive really. You've had your head messed with so much for so long that you don't know which way is up. Ibet if he said that black was white you'd be spending some time seeing white - just because he said it was.

Keep any contact with him as short as possible. Try not to see him at all - do you have someone you can ask to do handovers for you? The less opportunity he has to mess with you, the more sure you will become. You'll see things so much more clearly.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now