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not sure if we should split up

(29 Posts)
tiredmummy33 Sun 07-Jul-13 19:26:44

I dont want to paint this as all being my partner so will try to be objective. We have two young children and have been together for 15 years. He has a short fuse. He will say we need to rush to get somewhere moan cos i drive carelessly or in a rush (he cant drive). He has very little concept of time but i dont think its fair to moan we are late then wonder why i am all flustered and cant as he puts "stop getting stressy." he just flares up and im fed up with it tbh. But the thought of splitting up is quite terrifying. We do both get totally worn out with the kids and find it hard work, we both work. Im very passive aggressive and will roll my eyes or just says things will be fine which i think is quite grating. He has just had an awful personal tragedy so is not himself but i dread weekends cos i know i will piss him off over something. Hes quite OCD and worries about sell by dates etc and hygiene wheras im much more blase.

The most annoying thing is he will not talk. If i ever trt to talk about a falling out and try to come up with a way to resolve something so we can avoid it happeninb again i get told "im bringing it all up again." how the hell are things meant to change??

LEMisdisappointed Mon 08-Jul-13 20:21:24

My DP woudlnt go to counselling with me either, he thinks its all a bit woo. So don't be put off that he wont go - its hard for men and your DH sounds like he struggles to talk about his emotions anyway so counselling is probably really scary for him. For me it works because it makes things logical and i am a scientist so i am always looking to rationalise things. If you can get counselling for yourself though tired, then do, as i found it very useful. It can't change the way your DH behaves but it can help you to understand it and look at how the dynamics work. My counsellor most certainly did not take my side all the time, even though she had never met DP, because she could of course only work on my behaviour and the influence it had on him.

CharlotteCollinsismovingon Mon 08-Jul-13 21:26:34

If he won't do counselling, but you'd like some outside input, how about this marriage course? You never talk to anyone other than your partner in it.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 08-Jul-13 21:34:00

So he's from an emotionally closed-off family... so what? He's a grown-up. Grown-ups who realise that some aspect of their personality is screwing up their life or their relationship try to do something about it... reading, counselling, trial and error... they make some kind of effort. People who don't care do nothing

tiredmummy33 Mon 08-Jul-13 22:35:57

I think thats a bit harsh. Yes hes a grown up but our inbuilt personalitied are moulded by our families and our upbringings and are very hard to change.

I had counselling. Did help a lot. Find it hard to change my automatic reactions though!!

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