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nearly one month free from stbxh, need a hug

10 replies

bigstrongmama · 06/07/2013 01:03

Really, desperately, pathetically need an enormous hug. An obscenely long one would be good.
I am nearly one month into being single. Been with stbxh since I was at school, early thirties now. Today, I am sure that I have made the right decision (he repeatedly hurt me). Yesterday, I missed him physically so much I was convincing myself that what he did was not so bad and maybe I should rethink... that was completely nuts, I know that rationally.
What on earth can I find that is like a massive hug but is not a massive hug?! Have already eaten my bodyweight in chocolate, need something else!

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crazyhamsterdisguisedasahippo · 06/07/2013 01:10

If you can go & treat yourself tomorrow even if its just a new nail varnish
Well done for getting away from him

Feel free to pm me if you ever need to chat

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bigstrongmama · 06/07/2013 01:20

Thanks for the pretend hug. It made me cry, just like a real one would. Think I will try to get a treat tomorrow, good plan.
I've been told to take this a day at a time, but it is starting to be a struggle to get through just one day. I felt so positive this afternoon, then tonight I fell to bits.

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crazyhamsterdisguisedasahippo · 06/07/2013 01:34

Onwards & Upwards - just keep thinking this , its what I do
Maybe when it gets to an evening or when you start to think 'what if' you could do something to occupy your mind such as read a book or knit or something.

And it wasn't a pretend hug it was real just a cyber hug

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BloomingRose · 06/07/2013 01:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 06/07/2013 07:14

I'm not great at hugs but have a friendly squeeze of the forearm.... :) IME the process of getting over a serious break-up is cyclical. Like you say, positive one minute and filled with despair the next. It's a question of keeping busy, having plans, making the most of your good days and taking care of yourself on your bad days. A month is not long at all. At least you're eating chocolates and not swigging scotch.

When I was in your situation a long time ago I went a little bit nuts on the 'staying busy' part but it helped.... volunteered to go overseas for work, attended every rotten party going, barely went home, you get the picture. So just get through the short-term best you can and, at some point, your good days will start to outnumber the bad days. Good luck

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bigstrongmama · 06/07/2013 08:45

Oh thanks guys :)
Ok, crazyhamster, onwards and upwards, a new day.
Bloomingrose, it's true there are so many of us going through this and there is comfort in that. Congratulations on the house btw!
Cog, I know you are right, it will get better. The despair just floors me and takes over sometimes.
Things are better today. Snuggling on the sofa with the dcs before we start our very busy day!

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Anniegetyourgun · 06/07/2013 10:07

I met an old woman at the shops a while ago who mentioned that she had recently been widowed. Being in a slightly grumpy mood (though after due sympathy etc - though she was quite philosophical about it) I said mine had not had the decency to drop dead, I had had to divorce him. She said shrewdly, but it still leaves a gap, doesn't it? I had to admit that it really did.

It's like having a bad tooth extracted. The bloody thing makes your life miserable; you can't wait to see the back of it. But after it's gone there's this mangled hollow, then when it heals just a bare bit of gum, that you are used to having a tooth in, and you probe it with your tongue and feel regret - even though you know it had to go. It affects your identity, having all your teeth or not (or a husband or not). And it just takes time to get used to.

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maidmarian2012 · 06/07/2013 15:03

Have a huge supportive hug from MaidMarian. You deserve it.

I got rid of an UTTER BASTARD about 14 months ago and I'm calm and cool and able to be a the best parent I can be.

You will be fine

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maidmarian2012 · 06/07/2013 15:05

Hope you are having a lovely day with you DC x

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bigstrongmama · 06/07/2013 23:22

maidmarian today has been mostly fab, thanks for asking. The sun helped a lot I think. Total BBQ fail though (bad charcoal?) and got locked out of house (kids chucked keys through catflap, out of reach!) Which wasn't good, nearly melted down. But actually still going. Have spent a fun evening rejecting internet daters. Well done on getting rid of your BASTARD. Did you know he was at the time? Or is that a later realisation? Because I'm starting to think...

Annie love your name btw. And yes, a gap. I'm not going to fill it with another man. I'm going to get used to this new kick-ass identity.