Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Can someone calm me down please?

(29 Posts)
midori1999 Fri 05-Jul-13 16:55:59

God, I feel so stupid writing this, but I don't know where else to turn. I was going to namechange, but what's the point?

I'm 26 weeks pregnant. have a toddler and three older children from my first marriage, live over 500 miles from any family and on Monday, whilst away with work, my husband told me it was over. I have moved around with him to follow his career.

He was supposed to get home tonight and we had a weekend of functions at his work to attend. Except, he's not coming back, he's going straight there. He says he will come and take our DD out tomorrow so he can see her. He hasn't rung or text all week, he has just ignored me like I am not important and don't exist.

I am in absolute pieces. I have just had to leave a party with the DC as I burst into tears when someone started asking about the baby. The baby that I will now be giving birth to and bringing up alone, because my pregnancy is high risk and there's no way I can move nearer family in the next three months.

I want with all my heart to just phone him and ask him to come home, but he's left before and I'm pretty sure he just thinks if he leaves it long enough I'll ask him to come back, which is what always happens. I don't want that, because nothing will change, but it is so hard not to just phone. I just feel so alone.

midori1999 Sat 06-Jul-13 00:29:55

He's definitely alone. He will be at this work thing until the early hours and staying there and he would be seriously risking his job if it was found he was having an affair or if he had a woman back there, it would be thought extremely badly of and he wouldn't do it for that reason alone, if nothing else.

midori1999 Sat 06-Jul-13 10:26:11

Well, he's here. He turned up 45 mins or so ago. He hasn't really said anything at all, barely even a Hello. I asked if he wanted me to get DD ready and he said yes, so she's now been ready about 20 minutes and he is just sitting in the living room with her. confused

I was almost in tears getting DD ready, but thankfully managed not to cry. I don't really know what to do, short of actually telling him to bugger off. It's all very awkward. I could do with going back to bed for an hour really, as I couldn't sleep last night and woke early, well before the DC, this morning. I don't really want to do that while he's here though and I don't really want to go in there and say I'm going back to bed.

why can't he just fuck off?! sad

ElectricSheep Sat 06-Jul-13 10:43:59

Stay strong and calm Midori. Don't bring anything up - let him do the work. You've got to be sure now that this won't happen again for your own sake and your DC's.

Some time and space may be just what you need to for him to understand what he's missing sort out your feelings and whether you actually want him back. There's nothing so draining as an emotional pygmy, which is what he sounds like. If he really has to leave then he should - but to muck about about putting you through this sort of crap, then come back? That takes the biscuit angry And he's done it before? Words fail me.

Look after yourself first and foremost. A nice lazy day in the garden today?

midori1999 Sat 06-Jul-13 10:56:37


He's gone now. I asked him what his plans were, because he had told me he was taking DD out. He didn't really say much, then got DD to put her things back in her bag and asked for the zoo membership cards. They've sent new ones, so it took a while for me to find them, so I said it would have been helpful if he'd let me know in advance he needed them, to which he replied he was sorry. I lost it a bit then and said that no, he wasn't sorry, he wasn't ever sorry for anything.

Now he's gone out with DD and I am sat upstairs crying. Why is this so hard? I feel so angry and I just want to scream at him that he is splitting our family up and he can't just come and go as he pleases and treat me like a fucking mug.

This is so awful.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now