Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Dating thread 58 everyone welcome

(1000 Posts)
Kirstywirsty Tue 02-Jul-13 07:46:40

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop
8. loo update is mandatory

AWarmFuzzyFuture Thu 18-Jul-13 21:02:28

SP She is jealous. I would text back points 1) and 2) and if I don't want to continue being friends with I'd then text 3)

<waves to thread>

Newstart13 Thu 18-Jul-13 21:02:23

reality that's rubbish. Head high and vent lots on here...

Wish the neighbour had never noticed the fellas car outside mine now. Moaning about not meeting him!

I told her I'm been careful this time and not introducing him to anyone til I know what this is, whether it turns in to a relationship. I dont want to tell people them him disappear like the rest which she should understand.

Tonight I got the following text from her after I said I wasn't going to meet her and her fella at the pub with him as I'm been careful this time:

'Not that careful! Jumping into bed with him like that. Getting what he wants til someone else comes along! Should have played hard to get'

Now 1) I never mentioned sleeping with him, she assumed that because his car was here. 2) I have been seeing him for a few week now 3) She slept with her fella on the first date!

Pissed off with her. I haven't replied. She gets like this with every fella I meet. She just cant be happy.

Djangounhinged Thu 18-Jul-13 20:54:16

Porridge I'm not sure re exclusivity chat and others will be along soon to advise.... I think for me, by the time I've dtd I'm quite very invested and would struggle to share someone after that....

Good for you for getting to that stage in any case - enjoy dinner/Dinner!

Djangounhinged Thu 18-Jul-13 20:50:21



Djangounhinged Thu 18-Jul-13 20:49:44

Good luck to you darters this eve!

Title that's not so good sad, I prescribe more Haagen Dazs. Remember, you are the prize!

Bant - cheers, whether that's to champagne or warm beer dregs. Whichever way, one door is closed and who knows how many will open up now?

Joy, sorry about your rubbish date. As others have said... NEXT!

Hello to everyone else (one of these days, I'm gonna name check you all!)

I have a date with nice man who I accidentally texted about what a nice man he seemed to be.... smile. Not until next week though, as Alton Towers beckons this weekend, so plenty of time to sabotage, because what if I actually like him and have to properly show emotions in real life etc to panic about it!

porridgecarver Thu 18-Jul-13 20:34:58

Date 4 tomorrow night and I am providing the dinner/Dinner??!!! I have the distinct feeling that both may well be on the menu. At what point is the norm for an exclusivity type chat? I have never actually dated, pre marriage I was at Uni so it was either flings or relationships with people you already knew you wanted more with. All this OD has me confused!!

spangledboots Thu 18-Jul-13 18:59:12

Oooh lorna I hope it works out tonight!

TheTitleSaysItAllReally Thu 18-Jul-13 18:53:44

oww I have a sinking feeling you were right to tell me to hold back. I've detected a whiff of arsiness tonight about w/e arrangements. If that proves to be the case (as in, its not all in my head) then I'll not be hanging around to see if the whiff turns into more... As the rules say: if its not fun... at no point does arsiness = fun in my world.

Newstart13 Thu 18-Jul-13 18:37:07

Hope all dates go well tonight oww and lorna and anyone else!

lurkinglorna Thu 18-Jul-13 17:20:16

european (not the manky scandinavian) and i are meeting tonight if his flight actually gets him home (this is like a comedy episode, but i've checked his work location and local airport and yes it checks out like that)

he put ball in my court re: what to do tonight (staying IN or OUT - controversial hmm), feel it might be best to let him lead tonight! so just said i'm flexible for timing.

Snapespeare Thu 18-Jul-13 14:08:55

Juliette that sounds lovely! smile

have asked nameless if he wants to do something when kids are away in August. he's said yes, i suspect we might be camping in devon (no cash left after corfu!) (...)

lurkinglorna Thu 18-Jul-13 14:01:31

flipper good luck on match smile

word of warning - i can't remember exact details but they set it up financially so they automatically take the next payment using your card details without checking (sometimes a day early) - so call up and cancel on first day if you don't want to continue with match.

(or can cancel your card/report it lost and order a new one to prevent them taking payment).

Flipper924 Thu 18-Jul-13 13:56:02

Right. I've joined Match and taken the three day trial. The options certainly look a lot better for the area than pof. I shall see what happens.

mercury7 Thu 18-Jul-13 13:07:22

'but there are a lot of new ones I'm busy working my way through'
grinI like your style OWW

JulietteMontague Thu 18-Jul-13 13:04:48

Ahoy! or something lovely threaders

Snape gloat on woman, I would.

48 good news, R&R is a star. Enjoy your trip

OWW I do hope they serve corriander grin

Bant I would mark the occasion, maybe not with Frenchgirl as such but next time you do or go somewhere good just take a moment to yourself. This is your new life now and it's all good. Def resist that cuddling stuff, you've worn your hair shirt for long enough and she either gets you as a bf or friend, she can't have both. Or ask her to marry you <helpful face>

We are currently moored up on a canal in a pretty boating town, there has been a delay to the final fitting and there is currently a man up a mast in a giant nappy harness thing. We'll be staying here until tomorrow when we'll be off on the lakes. Dutchie continues to earn his stripes and I did felt rather lucky this morning when I woke up and it was all mist and cute Dutch houses and people hurrying to work.

OhWesternWind Thu 18-Jul-13 12:48:45

I think we all do that Mercury, hindsight is indeed a wonderful thing.

I don't think I keep on making the same mistakes, but there are a lot of new ones I'm busy working my way through smile

mercury7 Thu 18-Jul-13 12:31:40

Flipper, I'm sure you are Nicegrin
but I'm less optimistic about my ability to learn from my mistakes...I suspect other people would look at me and see a women with no insight who fucks it up over and over again confused

sure I can look back and see that I've learned, but mostly I look back and wonder how I could have been so blind, so stupid, so asleep.
It seems inevitable that, 20 years from now I will look back at this time in my life and think 'how could I have been so dumb'blush

oh well
que chera (sera?? however the hell you spell it confused)

Flipper924 Thu 18-Jul-13 12:04:57

Indeed, Mercury, and Snape. Ideally, they wouldn't be having these issues, because he would have identified the fact that there is something of a recurring pattern going on, and that he is the common denominator (2 ex wives before me would attest to the same), and ideally he would have done something about it. I think I would be genuinely happy if he had done this, because, deep down, I am a Nice Person.

Please note that I am aware of the implications of the above for my own dating behaviour, and have taken steps to ensure that I don't make the same mistakes again.

Secretservice Thu 18-Jul-13 12:01:41

Tis very odd oww. He texted first after date and used the word 'lovely' which surprised me because of the brief hand on knee flutter, I wouldn't have used that adjective!

Maybe he's just got a better offer, though obviously I find that very hard to believe grin

mercury7 Thu 18-Jul-13 11:31:53

'Same as I chortled when I heard that ExP and OW are having exactly the same issues in their relationship that he and I had, only much sooner'

Some might cite schadenfreude Flipper but I think there is also an element of feeling vindicated when this sort of thing happens

OhWesternWind Thu 18-Jul-13 11:20:54

That's a nuisance SS - why do they say "Let's do it again" and then this happens? I've had a couple like this who have just drifted away. I think they're just a bit too cowardly to say no thanks straight away, but I'd much prefer that than being strung along.

Secretservice Thu 18-Jul-13 11:01:43

Morning all!
Wishing you a shower of pheromone's Bant and OWW. Bon chance!

I was supposed to be on a date tonight, but heard nothing apart from two, double word texts, since his 'lovely to meet you, had a great time, let's do it again soon' text after first date last week. Oh hum. Back to the drawing board.

Snapespeare Thu 18-Jul-13 09:49:58

bant congratulations! not said in a 'you go girl' hmm way - but with the recognition that the past happened, it is now tied with red ribbon and left on a shelf in your wardrobe and and can be untied and looked at fondly at an appropriate time. enjoy your wistful/celebratory drink with frenchie I'd knock all this cuddling on the sofa bollocks on the head though. mixed messages = head fuck

well flipper I know, but it's nice to have a momentary gloat, feel really pleased that things are going well for me despite - or rather because I don't have narcisstic dead-weights cluttering my head space (to the degree that they used to) and walk a little taller today and be a little smile-ier. I'm certainly not gloaty in real-life (I have a thin veneer of actually being a nice person to maintain!) & wouldn't place my spies in an awkward position, so I'm having a nice little gloat in my mn safe-haven and then I'll stop.

I've stopped now.


48howdidthathappen Thu 18-Jul-13 09:20:56

Oww The M word is off the menu. The L word very much on smile

This thread is not accepting new messages.