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Dating thread 58 everyone welcome

(1000 Posts)
Kirstywirsty Tue 02-Jul-13 07:46:40

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop
8. loo update is mandatory

Kirstywirsty Sat 06-Jul-13 00:29:18

raenbow you are not!! Just go along be yourself and abide by the rules .. Welcome btw x

TheTitleSaysItAllReally Sat 06-Jul-13 00:31:58

I'd love to Kirsty grin However, I've made plans to spend the afternoon with Mr Lovely so don't be offended if I don't? wink

raenbow mine was my first date in 20 years and in the end I had very little notice so I wasn't able to stress too much. Go with the flow. Wear something you feel comfortable in.

We didn't have the 'exclusive' talk but I'm hoping to tomorrow. I truly get the impression that, for him, it is anyway. I guess what I want to know is whether he's still looking online or not. I'm enjoying it a lot, but if I'm a stopgap then I'd rather know so that I don't invest too much. Because I'm feeling like I could probably do that, and that it wouldn't take much longer for me to invest. I really like him. A lot.

bigstrongmama Sat 06-Jul-13 00:38:00

I really admire those of you who actually out there dating. I can't get past three messages - either they are boring or pervy or they just stop messaging me, so I wonder if I am boring or annoying or whatever...
Make room on the sofa smile

Kirstywirsty Sat 06-Jul-13 08:02:58

Of course not title smile

OhWesternWind Sat 06-Jul-13 08:16:08

Good luck Raenbow - it will be fine. Think of it as a chat with an acquaintance rather than a date, and also as seeing whether you like him rather than the other way round. I had a twenty year break too!

Mama there are loads of them like that, no reflection on you. Just keep going and you'll find some who are more in tune. Maybe persevere with the "boring" ones a bit longer as they could just be trying to be polite and its coming across a bit wrong.

Title that's exactly how I feel. Exactly. But I'm not going to say anything, still early days.

lubeybooby Sat 06-Jul-13 09:07:51

Help help panic <hyperventilate> <flustered>

Mr Flirt now coming back NEXT weekend. To stay again. And talk about stuff. and we have a weekend away arranged next month

and he's lovely

and it was ever so easy to arrange and he hasn't pissed me off or messed me about

and I think something is happening...

argh not ready for this! but yay it's nice, but argh! but yay! confused

Flipper924 Sat 06-Jul-13 09:44:31

And breathe, Lubes. You may not feel ready, but you sound excited and happy about it. That's good.

Am in garden, in sunshine, with coffee, listening to Faithless. This is what summer is all about.

ALittleStranger Sat 06-Jul-13 09:54:00

Lubes sounds exciting. Timing never works, unfortunately things always crop up ahead of schedule.

Mama I agree, don't take it personally. Some men seem to really hate messaging. I sometimes do too, if you've had a long day chatting away over email when it would be so much easier to talk just feels like a chore. And that can mean I just flake away unless someone has really grabbed me. On what grounds are you discounting the "boring" ones? It's absolutely right to be discerning on who you give your time too, but I have found very little correlation between the quality of messages and fun on the date.

lubeybooby Sat 06-Jul-13 10:04:25

God. It's been the slowest burner ever having known him a long time and including things almost but not quite happening with him just prior to everything going loved up with BC last year. So he's waited all that time... But things seem to have ramped up a gear quite quickly since we had the first night together and then up another gear since last week

and it's long distance AGAIN. Fucksake.


Ok, breathing. It doesn't have to be anything that is something just yet.

But it's so confusing when you start to fall for someone and the natural thing is to want it to be something

lubeybooby Sat 06-Jul-13 10:08:43

I am also very unnerved that I like him enough to not be bothered about the sex issues and just figure we'll get there in the end. That plus advice on previous thread seems to have clicked something into place in my head and now I really, really like him...

Bant Sat 06-Jul-13 10:14:03

I've got a question about profile pictures.

I went to a family do last night, and a cousin took a photo of me and my mum and auntie. I look good in it, which is rare as I'm not generally that photogenic.

So - is it wrong to put that as a profile photo on an OD site (not as my main one) without trimming out their faces? Or does it make me look too much like a mummy's boy?

(note: one of them was eating salmon, I presume that doesn't count as a fish photo)

JulietteMontague Sat 06-Jul-13 11:53:34

Bant I'd go for it. Depends on the photo of course but you might find some women think it makes you look caring or something, and able to provide salmon of course.

Lubey wow! grin.

ALittleStranger Sat 06-Jul-13 12:06:37

Bant I think as long as your other photos and profile make it clear that you're not some early middle aged mummy's boy, then go for it. But I so rarely take a good photo that I would probably post one of me in flagrante if I looked good.

The only photos that make me bristle are when someone posts losts of them with other people's kids. I read it as trying too hard to scream "father material, shag me oh simple minded woman."

bigstrongmama Sat 06-Jul-13 12:13:55

Bant I wouldn't put it on, unless you really are a mummy's boy?! I immediately discount anyone who has a photo with a woman in it, because I think it shows you are either trying to prove you are not a loner, or you are too lazy/inept to crop the photo, or you are making a statement about how important that person is to you.
I also ignore anyone with kids in their picture as I don't think it fair on the children. Anyone with beer/wine in the picture, also ignored.
I would only consider someone who looks fine as they are, with no props smile

alittlestranger I decide they are boring (to me) if their message seems flat, or too depressing to answer. Any hint of grumpiness and they are out of there!

Can't imagine why I'm having no luck!?

Bant Sat 06-Jul-13 12:31:43

mama - I don't think you should screen people out if they have alcoholic drinks in the photo - men generally only get photos taken of them either on holiday, usually with either a GF or mates. Or when they're at a social thing, a party or something, at which there will usually be alcohol.

Okay, if they're glugging a bottle of vodka in the photo, fine - but if it's just them holding a glass of wine, you're screening out normal men who aren't necessarily alcoholics, just sociable.

Agreed with the pics with kids though.

But then I dislike cropped photos - I always wonder 'who are they trying to hide?'

KinNora Sat 06-Jul-13 12:33:59


Lubey how very exciting ! Joining the loved up group, eh ? I'm very pleased for you, you've had such a time of it over the past year and I think you're well overdue something wonderful.

Bant quite a range of opinions there, I don't set a huge amount of store by photos, I prefer to go by how they communicate but I'd say go for it, or maybe use it for a little while, see who you attract and then review it.

overtheraenbow Sat 06-Jul-13 12:34:18

Thanks for encouragement guys!! Am just going to view it as like a work acquaintance !! No pressure!!
Actually just sent text to confirm and he sent one back saying ' who is this' I was thinking . oh my god do I get one back from a wife now!!! Then he sent one saying Haha only joking, so sense of humour box ticked. Really made m e laugh!
Will update later !

KinNora Sat 06-Jul-13 12:35:44

One of my photos is cropped to exclude an Up Pompeii style cleavage

lubeybooby Sat 06-Jul-13 12:36:34

Kin... not quite yet but it's definitely heading that way. Gulp.

mercury7 Sat 06-Jul-13 12:39:47

I tend to screen out people who have profile pictures with alcoholic drinks, I see your point Bant, that men tend to have pictures taken at these times, but even so choosing to include a picture which features drinking suggests that drinking is important to them...or they want to be seen as a person who likes drinking.
I dont drink at all so I'd assume we're not really on the same wavelength.

I would always crop other people out of profile pics, mostly out of consideration to the other people

ALittleStranger Sat 06-Jul-13 12:46:15

If you don't drink at all mercury then that's a different story, but generally I wouldn't be at all bothered by a boozy pic. But for me it would just be hypocritical.

KinNora Sat 06-Jul-13 12:48:57

I can imagine it's quite a scary feeling Lubey - I'm sure I'd be panicking my arse off.

lubeybooby Sat 06-Jul-13 13:01:00

Kin I am thrilled and terrified... more about how will we work it all out, both busy people and long distance, I have so little time to devote to anything and had not long decided I definitely didn't want anything more than fun. But there is such a massive spark.

Also quite terrifying is that I think he feels the same, certainly acts it and has been utterly lovely and very keen to meet again and keep meeting despite distance etc but what if I'm presuming too much and reading things wrong and... argh argh argh.

I suppose I will know more after next weekend.


JulietteMontague Sat 06-Jul-13 13:01:50

Comedy tshirts, fish of any size, flash cars, cycling shorts, lycra of any other kind, pissed up, a beer in every pic, cropped out ex, baseball caps, posing anywhere outside a neon lit bar, anywhere in the Canaries, any pic in Thailandia, kids, football tops, any leisurewear you could buy in Sports Direct. I don't need to mention Speedos as a special category, do I?

Have to be something special to overcome motorbike leathers, trainer sandals or windsurfing.

KinNora Sat 06-Jul-13 13:25:00

So basically, Juliette , no real preferences at all grin

Lubey I can imagine you must be a mass of conflicting emotions, especially with the long distance element ( I always think that's do-able as long as you're both committed to each other ) but I really, really think you've earned a little time not fretting about practicalities, just relishing a measure of happiness.

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