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He hit me

(21 Posts)
Jadems Mon 01-Jul-13 01:11:51

Posted a few times about DP and relationship problems. Even had a hostel place lined up about 5 weeks ago, but fell by the wayside when I went into hospital at 30 weeks with premature labour contractions. Anyway, been sporting a black eye for the past week and really unsure what to do now.

35 weeks pregnant, but nowhere to go. DWP stopped JSA this week as I'd finally got around to making my MA claim - but can't pay my MA until they work out any overlap. So essentially no money until they sort out the processing. Would need to be able to pay for costs etc at any hostel.

If I spoke to someone at the hospital when I go in to give birth, would I be able to stay until I had somewhere safe to go? Can't bear the thought of having to bring the baby back to this house, and then not being allowed to leave.

SugarandSpice126 Mon 01-Jul-13 01:18:03

I'm so sorry, I have no accurate answers to your questions and I haven't read your past threads, so I'm probably pretty useless, but just wanted to say I'm so sorry for what you're going through and I wish I could help. Hopefully someone else will come along with some good information for you. Do you have any family or friends nearby? Sorry if you've already spoken about that in previous threads.

SugarandSpice126 Mon 01-Jul-13 01:19:09

Could you see if you could arrange the hostel place again?

Jadems Mon 01-Jul-13 01:32:04

I'll try calling them again tomorrow, but they take about a week to sort a place for you. And I'm wary of leaving without access to any money. Last time I had a few weeks JSA saved but now I couldn't even pay for train fare. Don't mind having to wait around a week or so if it's just me, but don't want to have to bring the baby back here.

No real close family, an aunt and a nan in different parts of the country, but not really in any position to help out. I'll be ok once MA comes through, just a bit buggered until then. And it's being paid monthly due to our 'household income', irrespective of the fact that not a penny of it's mine nor do I have any access to it.

ThatVikRinA22 Mon 01-Jul-13 01:32:37

phone womens aid asap.

contact details here

they can help you.

have you ever called police when he has hit you?

JamNan Mon 01-Jul-13 01:37:43

I wonder if a social worker at the hospital would be able to help you. Have you contacted Women's Aid or gone back to the people who arranged the hostel? Your GP and health visitor? YOu might be able to get an emergency payment/loan. The housing section at our council has a special number for women in your situation who need emergency accommodation - maybe check out yours to see if they have similar.

I am very concerned that you say you will not be allowed to leave. Sorry OP I don't know your past experiences but is it time to involve the police?

SugarandSpice126 Mon 01-Jul-13 01:38:11

Will MA go into your bank account? Would you be able to apply for other financial support if you're no longer living in the house with your P?

Jadems Mon 01-Jul-13 01:47:08

Hoping someone at the hospital will refuse to discharge baby back to an environment of DV, and then I can sort something out from there. Once I'm not living here should be able to get help with housing, and even child benefit which I'll not be able to claim here as DP earns over 60k.

Really wary of calling police as I have nowhere else to go. His house. I've been out of work for the past 7 months on JSA, so no back up funds and massively in debt. Don't even have a mobile phone at the mo. Worried about ending up stranded with nowhere to go, no money and not even a phone to call anyone. I'm more scared of ending up on the street, than him shouting at me and hitting me tbh.

CoolaSchmoola Mon 01-Jul-13 01:47:09

Hostels tend to be used to people arriving without any money, they usually assist residents to make the appropriate claims and will not ask for money until the appropriate benefits are being paid.

Please don't let money worries stop you leaving. Women's Aid can and will help you.

Also speak to your midwife, domestic abuse tends to escalate in pregnancy and midwives are trained to offer support and can access help for you.

Mixxy Mon 01-Jul-13 04:05:31

Can you ask to speak to a social worker when you into the hospital? Could you ring them tomorrow before you near your date? The social worker will have the information.

Lweji Mon 01-Jul-13 05:39:58

I'm more scared of ending up on the street, than him shouting at me and hitting me tbh.
If you go to the police and show your black eye, he should be more worried about prison.

And what if he shouts at you while you hold the baby?
What if he punches you while you hold the baby?
What if he punches the newborn baby while trying to punch you?

Do call Women's Aid asap, and ask for a social worker at the hospital at least.

AgathaF Mon 01-Jul-13 08:39:30

Can you speak to your midwife? Tell him/her about what's happening and that you are frightened to stay etc. Speak to Women's Aid today. You need to get out of there today - there are organisations that can help you.

JakeBullet Mon 01-Jul-13 08:47:48

Phone Women's Aid today with the co tact details Vicar posted.

I promise you that you will not be on the streets. They will find you a hostel place today I'd you want it. Initially it might be out f area but they will get you back close to home ASAP. They will help you with money etc.

"No money" is not a barrier to a hostel place. Emergency funds can be found...your safety and that of your unborn baby is the first priority. Get out safe.

JakeBullet Mon 01-Jul-13 08:49:55

Women's Aid

0808 2000 247

Please please phone them.

HotDAMNlifeisgood Mon 01-Jul-13 09:15:32

One of the first things that a hostel does is help you with the paperwork to make the appropriate claims for benefits. You will not be left penniless.

Arrange your hostel place again now. Do not wait for your due date, and what the hospital staff may or may not do. You do not know what the staff there will do. You are in control of your own actions, though. And that action can be a call to 0808 2000 247 right now.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Mon 01-Jul-13 09:42:01

I am so sorry.

Do not count on someone refusing to release the baby into a DV environment, especially with no police record of DV. SS are very stretched. They will want to help you but it is you who will have to be proactive, I am afraid. Talk to HV and staff. The police. Women's Aid. They will all help, but with your lead.

Matildathecat Mon 01-Jul-13 11:49:01

Ditto last post. I was a midwife working in a role with lots of DV and social concerns. Tbh it's a real problem when the probs all suddenly present when babe is born. It's far, far safer to have sorted this out before the baby comes. Contact Women's Aid and also your local SS Safeguarding team. Your unborn child qualifies as vulnerable so they are obliged to help you. As others said money isn't a deal breaker though do get all your papers and documents with you.

If you don't get help very quickly SS may regard you as a problem for not keeping safe iykwim so be proactive.

I would also recommend the Police who have changed a lot. Your pregnancy will gain you high priority for help.

Please, please act or you could, without realising it, be held responsible for failing to keep your unborn safe.

Sorry, I know it sounds harsh but I have seen this happen.

Best wishes.

Matildathecat Mon 01-Jul-13 11:59:07

Ps most maternity units have a specialist midwife for this. Call the hospital and ask. One phone call will get the ball rolling.

TheAllNewMe Mon 01-Jul-13 12:07:32

You shouldn't wait until someone else takes it upon themselves to address the situation. It will look like you failed to act to protect your baby and they are having to do it for you. It would look much better If you were seen to be proactive and take steps to help yourself and your baby. You should report him to the police while you are sporting the evidence and they will refer you to the right place for help.

The worst thing you need to worry about is not having no money, the Government is being very busy making life difficult for vulnerable people right now but they have not yet got things to a point where a pregnant woman suffering DV would end up on the street. The worst thing would be if you somehow found yourself back home with the baby (stranger thigns have happened) because if you think he is violent now you ain't seen nothing yet - bringing a crying demanding baby into the mix will make him much, much worse.

Just walk out, get help, today, not tomorrow or next week. Your baby needs you to take control and protect her and yourself. Be strong.

HotDAMNlifeisgood Wed 03-Jul-13 09:31:29

How are you doing, Jadems? Have you decided what you want to do?

Alanna1 Wed 03-Jul-13 12:16:27

Get help, people will help you, MA can be paid weekly once you are out, good luck. Think of your little baby and reach inside yourself for the courage.

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