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Why is he treating me like this?

(118 Posts)
GroundHogDayAgain Fri 28-Jun-13 16:55:02

Hi guys. I've posted here a few times about issues I'm having with om/potential partner.

I left my husband a few months ago, it was a long running thing and I wasn't happy. I left and moved into rented house.

Om at the time was a million % supportive. He was amazing and literally couldn't do enough for me.

Last weekend we had an argument about his parents. (They are very controlling and dominating).
Since then, in the space of 5days, he's become like a stranger.

He says he is confused about what he wants. He's not sure how he feels about me, us, a future etc.

It's gone from constant txts, calls, affection, love, everything to absolutely nothing.
He doesn't tell me he loves me. He won't hug me or come near me. He takes hours to txt me back. He never calls and when I call him he only talks for a minute.

It hurts so much to be treated like this. I can't understand what I've done wrong.
He says he is very confused and just needs time to figure it all out.

In the meantime I don't know where I stand with him. I don't know how to behave around him. We work together and it's so horrible to be in the same office yet he treats me like he hardly knows me. He talks to me about work only and if I try talk to him, he turns on me saying I'm pushing him away.

What do you make of this?? Is it his way of ending it? But in a cowardly way? And how can he change so completely overnight?

I don't understand and I'm really confused and depressed.

Advice appreciated x

ProperStumped Sat 29-Jun-13 22:40:13

I agree with TheNewSchmoo

I don't understand how anyone can consider marrying and living with a man they have never slept with confused

TheNewSchmoo Sat 29-Jun-13 22:28:12

I just find it impossible to believe you have had a 4 year relationship, got a house and planned a wedding with a man you have never had sex with.

I also think you really should be a bit less selfish and needy and focus on your children who seem to get scant regard from you whilst you wallow in self pity and this farcical fantasy.

Hissy Sat 29-Jun-13 22:05:09

Aim for ice cold fury... far more productive! smile

You can do this, don't beat yourself up. He lied, you trusted.

Now you know better... you need to do betterave.

Pigsmummy Sat 29-Jun-13 22:01:04

Omg five pages just to say that you know that you have been an idiot? Really?

GroundHogDayAgain Sat 29-Jun-13 21:14:14

Lol I know. I need to get mad. Enough to hate him. I hope I can do it.

MadBusLady Sat 29-Jun-13 21:07:58

Oh I see, sorry.

Getting angry sounds like exactly what you need to do!

GroundHogDayAgain Sat 29-Jun-13 21:03:02

Madbuslady- the house is rented not bought. Rent paid up until oct so I've got time to look for another place.

I know I need to leave the business but I'm going to think about what I need to do next. I don't want to change the status quo at work and let him know I'm going. If I go it will be with something in my pocket.

He's going to regret doing this to me.

MadBusLady Sat 29-Jun-13 20:56:50

Sorry, coming to this late, but it sounds like you need to see a solicitor urgently, doesn't it?? You are an equal partner in a business you are obviously now going to have to leave (did you invest capital originally?), and the house was presumably bought with drawings that come notionally from both directors. You presumably need someone to go over what "buying you out" will entail.

GroundHogDayAgain Sat 29-Jun-13 20:47:01

Thanks Spartacus. I'm going to arrange that.

I just need to flush him out of my system and I know it's going to be so so hard. I keep wanting him to call me or send me a nice txt. But getting nothing. He's just become ice cold.

Spartacus101 Sat 29-Jun-13 20:36:41

Ah I see. No advice apart from ditch him and get counselling.

GroundHogDayAgain Sat 29-Jun-13 20:25:11

Spartacus- I knew he was married but he told me he was separated and she had moved in with her parents. He told me that he didn't love her. I did break up with him at that point as I wanted him to think about what he was doing without me in the background. But a few weeks later he came back and told me he definitely didn't want to be with her.

I was under the impression he was living on his own. He told me few months ago that he was actually living with her. She only moved out when their Dc was 1.5.

Hindsight is amazing isn't it. Because as I'm writing this, I feel so angry at myself. But at the time, nobody I know could verify any of this either so I only had his word for it.

Spartacus101 Sat 29-Jun-13 20:14:46

but you knew he had a pregnant wife 6 months after you met? You said so in your other thread?

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected Sat 29-Jun-13 20:00:09

Most of us have messed up and been far too trusting etc. Hindsight can be very very painful.

GroundHogDayAgain Sat 29-Jun-13 19:47:00

Mrscynical- I have not told any tales. Even though the reality of my situation is beyond belief, I've still been honest.
On my prev posts almost everyone advised me to leave my husband. I got great advice for other issues too. That's why I posted here again.

After I left my husband, I told om that I didn't want to plan any marriage etc until both our prev marriages were sorted out. We still agreed on marrying and buying a house together but not till divorce arranged. So I wasvtryingbto take things slowly. I also wanted the dcs settled in new house and school before they got used to the idea of om living with us.

I did try to do things properly.

I know I've messed up. I should have been more smart and questioned things more.

I'm currently reading Mr Unavailable by Natalie Lue. It's certainly resonating with me.

I really do appreciate all the advice on here. It's hard to take but I know it's right.

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected Sat 29-Jun-13 19:36:07

To carry on working together is presumably going to be untenable for you, but as you are both equal partners in the business and have equal shares, would he be able/willing to buy you out quickly?

mrscynical Sat 29-Jun-13 19:25:01

OP - I'm being cynical because you had lots and lots of advice on your previous thread all of which you obviously ignored and you are now back wanting sympathy because the situation, as predicted, has not gone your way.

You gave misleading tales on your other thread and wriggled out of anything picked up on because, as I have stated previously, you are in need of counselling.

DioneTheDiabolist Sat 29-Jun-13 19:10:11

Walk away. Send him an invoice for the work done. The money isn't yours. The business isn't yours. The loan isn't yours. The house isn't yours.

At most he owes you some wages. You on the other hand owe it to your DCs to be adult and parent at a very distressing and unsettling time in their lives. You are finding excuses not to leave. Stop it. It's a waste of time and energy that your DCs need invested in them.

GroundHogDayAgain Sat 29-Jun-13 19:05:57

Keepcool- thank you for your advice. I know I need to move on and create a good life for me and dcs. It's tough clearing your head of things you had planned and thought of for so long.

GroundHogDayAgain Sat 29-Jun-13 19:02:21

Mrscynical- honestly don't know why your being 'cynical'. I control all the finances in the business. I do the book keeping and basic accounts. NEITHER of us has taken a wage. He is there almost 7days a week. I work around dcs school hours.
And no. I am not 12.

We are both equal partners in the business and have equal shares.

The dcs have pretty much the same routine as before. They never really saw their dad much as he worked nights. They actually see him more now and definitely have a better relationship with him. We live near my family now too so they get to see them pretty much every day.

If leave the business I would have to move house and change dcs school too.

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected Sat 29-Jun-13 18:54:12

Please don't think I was having a go at you. I think you have been a bit naive (most of us have at some point), I just hope you can salvage something out of this in monetary terms, but most importantly are able to pick yourself up and find a better and happier life for both you and your children.

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected Sat 29-Jun-13 18:46:04

I am hoping for your sake that you own part of or have an interest in this business, and that he has not just USED your expertise to set it up with him for his own gain?

At the time of leaving your husband, he comes clean about this wife and child. Did you not think at the time the coward was trying to tell you something?

NothingsLeft Sat 29-Jun-13 18:44:04

Or you could be 12. Just as believable.

NothingsLeft Sat 29-Jun-13 18:42:03

What about your children?

You don't seem to mention them really. How is all this effecting them?

Forget the business and cut ties with this guy. Concentrate on your kids. You have wasted far more than time and effort here. Be grateful you haven't invested cash and get out. I suspect you are using the business as a way to stay attached.

mrscynical Sat 29-Jun-13 18:41:49

Oh, cross-posted and I'm right!!!

mrscynical Sat 29-Jun-13 18:40:59

OP - what is difficult to get is that you keep moving the goalposts on this thread. You certainly did on your last one as well.

You are obviously very needy, immature and selfish. I would not be surprised if you are a 12 year old geeky boy who has been banished to your bedroom for the last couple of days and is having a laugh winding up Mumsnetters.

If that is not the case then, as has been said by many on this thread and the other thread, get an appointment with a counsellor IMMEDIATELY.

DTD - OP will have answer for your question as well... Maybe he put up the money but is never in the office (too busy decorating the new house) so she's done ALL the work for which he pays her next to nothing. Or summat like that.

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