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Why is he treating me like this?

(118 Posts)
GroundHogDayAgain Fri 28-Jun-13 16:55:02

Hi guys. I've posted here a few times about issues I'm having with om/potential partner.

I left my husband a few months ago, it was a long running thing and I wasn't happy. I left and moved into rented house.

Om at the time was a million % supportive. He was amazing and literally couldn't do enough for me.

Last weekend we had an argument about his parents. (They are very controlling and dominating).
Since then, in the space of 5days, he's become like a stranger.

He says he is confused about what he wants. He's not sure how he feels about me, us, a future etc.

It's gone from constant txts, calls, affection, love, everything to absolutely nothing.
He doesn't tell me he loves me. He won't hug me or come near me. He takes hours to txt me back. He never calls and when I call him he only talks for a minute.

It hurts so much to be treated like this. I can't understand what I've done wrong.
He says he is very confused and just needs time to figure it all out.

In the meantime I don't know where I stand with him. I don't know how to behave around him. We work together and it's so horrible to be in the same office yet he treats me like he hardly knows me. He talks to me about work only and if I try talk to him, he turns on me saying I'm pushing him away.

What do you make of this?? Is it his way of ending it? But in a cowardly way? And how can he change so completely overnight?

I don't understand and I'm really confused and depressed.

Advice appreciated x

LEMisdisappointed Fri 28-Jun-13 18:52:05

Im confused - you told me you didnt leave your DH for this man, but have been in a four year "relationship" with him? But he is married with children, one which his wife was pregnat with when he was fucking you? Fuck me - Jezza would love this.

No, he doesn't respect you im afraid, because you have no respect for yourself!

Jesus H Christ woman - seriously, get some self respect, a new job and this fuckbadger out of your life!

petra27 Fri 28-Jun-13 18:53:34

'It hurts so much to be treated like this. I can't understand what I've done wrong'.


DonutForMyself Fri 28-Jun-13 18:53:39

Its not your place to tell his wife. Its up to him.

Sounds mean, as I know I'd want to know, but not from some OW who'd been mooning around with my H for the last 4 years while I was having his baby.

Step away, this man is a cheat, a liar and a player, you knew that but now its you that's being played its not quite as much fun is it?

LEMisdisappointed Fri 28-Jun-13 18:57:26

So did you buy the house that was meant for you and the OM? Did your husband make any contribution to this house?

This is like a fecking soap opera tbh

Smilehappy Fri 28-Jun-13 19:09:20

Sounds like you need to get your story straight, or tell it properly, your looking for advice but confusing everyone here.....

He is an A hole and you need to get rid. Asap. Waste of your time hmm

AnnieLobeseder Fri 28-Jun-13 19:13:22

Oh good grief woman, grow a pair and get some self-respect. How can you expect any man to respect you when you don't appear to respect yourself? Especially a cock-lodger who screws around while his wife is pregnant and apparently has no intention of leaving her.

I love my husband dearly, we are a good team and have built a good life together. But if he ever started playing mind games, ignoring me and stringing me along, I'd tell him to piss right off and get on with my life without him. Why? Because I have too much self-respect to be played for a fool.

If your relationship with your husband was bad, you did the right thing to leave him. But your relationship with this other man is going nowhere. He is still married. He is not yours to have.

Move on, enjoy your new life, build a good relationship with yourself. Then perhaps you'll be in a position to find a new love; one built on mutual respect.

GroundHogDayAgain Fri 28-Jun-13 19:16:23

Lem- I wasn't a 'fuck' as I've not slept with him.

I'm not sure how to get my story 'straight'. I've explained what's happened. Me and my husband have been living under same roof but separately for years.

I finally left around 2/3months ago and moved into a rented house that om got for us. The plan was for him to move in next year.

Thanks for all the advice though everyone. I know I need to get this guy out of my life. It's just tough to do when I do love him.

mrscynical Fri 28-Jun-13 19:21:37

Even if the two and half year old child is actually about to turn three that does not add up to 'almost 4 years.'

He has been lying to you but MORE importantly you have been lying to yourself.

Go and get counselling.

Afrodizzywonders Fri 28-Jun-13 19:23:20

I'm a bit confused, have you been having a physical relationship at all with this man or is it purely emotional? And was it recently that you turned him down for sex. I'm not judging you here, just trying to figure out what is going on...

LEMisdisappointed Fri 28-Jun-13 19:23:25

how did he get the house for you? does he pay the rent? I really can't understand his motives.

Can you look for another job? dissolve the business? He is really REALLY bad for you.

TheRealFellatio Fri 28-Jun-13 19:30:28

This thread is hurting my brain. confused

Lweji Fri 28-Jun-13 19:41:07

Just let him go, really.
Instead of thinking of him as the great person who was there for you and your DCs, remember him as a liar and this cold person. It will be easier.

GroundHogDayAgain Fri 28-Jun-13 19:54:09

My relationship with him was never physical ie no sex or anything else either.

The house lease is in his name. We were going to buy a house next year. The rent is paid from our joint business ac.

Mrscynical, 9/10months pregnancy plus almost 3yr old Dc comes to around 4years.

Anyway. I know he's lied. About a lot of things. But I've always forgiven him because he was always so convincing. And yes I was so stupid.

But despite this, he has done alot for me and dcs. He was really there for me when I was going through hard time at work and had huge arguments with my husband.
He was my best friend.

The only thing which really gets to me is how can someone change overnight. One min they are totally fine, next they don't want to know you?

GroundHogDayAgain Fri 28-Jun-13 19:56:15

Sorry Afro, I forgot to respond, I turned him down for sex around 2weeks ago. I wasn't on pill and he didn't have a condom. He told me he doesn't like wearing them. I told him sorry, it's not happening then.

Afrodizzywonders Fri 28-Jun-13 20:03:39

Perhaps it's a culmination of you turning him down and the argument about his parents. Either way, this relationship has massive alarm bells ringing all over it, it really does.

Step away from him, make a new life. It's not going to have a fairy tale ending.

mrscynical Fri 28-Jun-13 20:09:28

'9/10months pregnancy plus almost 3yr old Dc comes to around 4years.'

You see you are lying to yourself. You stated initially the child was two and a half. Child then becomes almost three and the four years becomes 'around 4 years'. And I am only picking you up on this crap.

You were both living in fantasy land. He just beat you to that fact that that is all it ever was.

GroundHogDayAgain Fri 28-Jun-13 20:10:50

Thanks Afro. I know it's not going to have a good brain knows this. But I physically cannot detach myself from him. I hate myself for this.

I just keep thinking about all the things we did together, stuff he told me, the happy times etc etc. we bought all the furniture for the house together. Everything in the house reminds me of him.

I can't leave work as ill walk away with nothing and I have to support the dcs. I'm entirely dependant on the business to pay all my outgoings.

Hissy Fri 28-Jun-13 20:28:03

Think you were a challenge, he's seen that challenge met, you've proved that you were 'his' and that's his pay off.

You have to find a new job. And ultimately home.

This man looks to be cut from the same cloth as his parents. You are 'his' now, he has you trapped.

Get out as soon as you can, and as best you can.

Make sure you have full knowledge of the finances of the business to make sure you're not shafted further.

Good luck!

joblot Fri 28-Jun-13 20:42:32

Perhaps I'm just an old slapper, but I'm rather surprised you've not had sex with someone you love so deeply. It just seems bizarre

mrscynical Fri 28-Jun-13 20:49:51

No, joblot not bizarre just how 'twue' love really is.

You and I obviously live on a different planet to the OP.

Thank fuck!

FacebookAnonymous Fri 28-Jun-13 20:57:40

If in fact you 'are' real then he's shitting himself at the prospect of being with you. Consider yourself dumped, whilst he moves on to the next no strings fuck.


GroundHogDayAgain Fri 28-Jun-13 21:14:28

Not having sex was a personal choice for me and it's got nothing to do with how much I love him.

I never saw the om outside office hours. I spent all my time with my dcs. My husband was at work or out all the time.

Thanks for your advice though.

Afrodizzywonders Fri 28-Jun-13 21:32:45

So nothing physical has happened, you've flirted and it's been reciprocated. You both discuss marriage. Then you move out into a flat he's paying for.

GroundHog, this is...just very strange!

How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

So far I can only conclude he's just excited by the prospect of bedding you and now he's thinking twice about it! He has a young family, that must play on your mind.

GroundHogDayAgain Fri 28-Jun-13 21:42:46

Afro- we have kissed etc. but nothing past that.

He isn't paying for the house, it's being paid from our joint business ac. So if I leave the business then obv I'm on my own with the rent although lease is in his name.

I am almost 33.

Alot of stuff I can't put on here as it would turn into an epic post longer than war and peace.

DHtotalnob Fri 28-Jun-13 21:54:51

Why is your business paying for it? Sorry to come over all boring sensible, but that sounds well dodgy.

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