Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Talk to me about anger management for DH

(86 Posts)
PuffDaddy Fri 28-Jun-13 09:02:57

DH has a foul temper. Very short fuse and can blow up over innocuous things - the traffic, my tone of voice, anything. I would say this anger surely stems from his daily use of marijuana. He disputes this and says he always had a short fuse. On the whole we have a good relationship but all too often we have a blazing row over...nothing and his reaction is disproportionate with the catalyst.

So this morning example, the buggy was in his way as he was trying to rush out the door to work so he started shouting and swearing. I told him his language was disgusting and this turned to me "f*ck you" etc. He has never been violent towards me but his rage is unpredictable and he can throw stuff, kick doors etc. His face contorts with anger and in those moments, I can't stand him.

Anyway I am sick of this - can anyone talk to me about anger management? Is it available on the NHS and does it work?

AttilaTheMeerkat Tue 02-Jul-13 16:14:45

Consider for a minute that you are wrong re your H and that he acts like this too because he can.

How many more years are you prepared to waste by trying to modify your DHs behaviour?. In the meantime your son is learning from the two of you as to how relationships are conducted. Trying to change one of your own behaviours is difficult enough, trying to change someone else's is impossible. You've already tried for five years and he's not listening to your entreaties or pleas. You feel like all co-dependents do in such situations - rejected. You want to fix this (another codependent trait) but surely you accept too that he has to put serious legwork in as well without any input in that process from you.

What you have tried to date has not worked because at heart he's not bothered about what you think or feel. He gets what he wants out of this relationship and is happy with the way things are/ You've become conditioned to hearing his emotional crap he metes out towards you along with his weed smoking, this is why you are not cowered by it, well on the surface anyway.

ageofgrandillusion Tue 02-Jul-13 16:31:45

Jibberoo - you seem to have backtracked furiously from your first post?
Babyheave - yes, weed does affect some people's behaviour. But IME, it is a bit like alcohol - ie, people who are loud, violent, nasty etc when pissed tend - in the main - to be that way inclined anyway.

AnyFucker Tue 02-Jul-13 17:14:08

It is very sad to see you backtracking, Jib sad

Lweji Tue 02-Jul-13 20:54:10

For what is worth, fully agreeing with those who say that you, Jib and Puff, cannot control your OHs, or help them get better.
Except by convincing them that they will lose their families if they don't sort themselves out.
And you may have to kick them out for them to believe.

golfpro60 Wed 03-Jul-13 10:43:03

Hi ladies. Sorry to hijack the post again puff but I keep having to rerelease this thread to give me the strength to leave. My head is telling me to leave, that I am married to a difficult moody person ( not violent at all just moody and says nasty things) and that I'm best off without and starting again. But my heart says no this is my husband, I need to support him through this and try and get him to stop smoking and see his actions are wrong. But I know that's not something I can do and it has to come from him. I feel terribly guilty leaving, I feel like I'm giving up on our little family but I don't know how to make it work. The thought of the divorce process and having to leave our home and move back to my original town where my family all seems like too much! Any words of wisdom for me??x

ageofgrandillusion Wed 03-Jul-13 12:00:27

All I would say golfpro is that life is very, very short. You could waste years of it trying to get this person to change - a task that you surely to god know will prove ultimately fruitless. Do you want to look back with bitterness in your old age when you are still stuck with a miserable fucker?

AnyFucker Wed 03-Jul-13 18:36:32

Do you still want to be in the same position one, five, ten years time from now, GP ?

If you don't force the issue, nothing is going to change.

MakeTeaNotWar Thu 04-Jul-13 16:06:11

How are you doing golfpro, what did you decide?

golfpro60 Sun 07-Jul-13 21:58:37

Finding it hard to leave. He's jekkle and Hyde. Half the man I loved and married and great with our child, next minute moody and petty over the littlest thing.

Fairenuff Sun 07-Jul-13 22:44:33

jib I am concerned to read this, posted by you:

very rarely does ds witness dhs moods (I'd say once every few months at most)

Just to put it into perspective, my dcs have never witnessed their father behave like you describe. Not in 16 years. It's not normal, it's not right and it will be damaging to your ds.

Please think again.

morethanpotatoprints Sun 07-Jul-13 22:51:17

Will pm you. x

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now