Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

He just disappeared after 6 months........I feel such a plonker

(174 Posts)
Pinkdaisy4 Wed 26-Jun-13 22:35:46

Been with 'd'p for around 6 months. Very passionate and intense relationship then two weeks ago, he texted in the morning to say " morning gorgeous, I love you and miss you so much. I texted back on his normal number but came up unobtainable.

He lives about 40 miles away, difficult to just pop round as have a toddler and I work pt. I tried calling his mobile but still " the number you have called has not been recognised" I left a message on his landline but nothing. This was two weeks ago and haven't heard anything.

I feel such a plonker and I'd lent him money too. I was just another notch sad

Just wanted a rant.....we had a termination in April this yr as condom split and failed MAP . I just feel so angry....with everything sad I've been used big time sad

AnAirOfHope Wed 26-Jun-13 23:09:51

I would go stakeout his place of employment and ask for the money back.

Call both phones form a different moblie number to see if he answers. Then ask for the money back.

I think he is married.

AnyFucker Wed 26-Jun-13 23:10:10

I wouldn't waste the petrol, love

Use the money for a nice day out for you and ds

Pinkdaisy4 Wed 26-Jun-13 23:10:11

I'm going to look on a few dating websites to see if he's on any. Silly question as I've never used one...would he be under his regular name or would he have a user name???

ICantRememberWhatSheSaid Wed 26-Jun-13 23:10:19

How about sending him a short letter. Try and be factual and unemotive. Something along the lines of
To Plonker
I have not been able to contact and can only conclude that you have ended our relationship. I wanted to remind you that I need you to repay the £200 pounds that I lent you on the XXXXX . Please can you send a cheque as soon as possible. I have enclosed a SAE


There is no point trying to get 'closure' from him.

CrispyHedgeHog Wed 26-Jun-13 23:14:32

He's not in London/Essex is he Daisy?

(also had an experience wiht a dodgy paramedic)

AnyFucker Wed 26-Jun-13 23:15:42

Hi, crispy, I was thinking of you upthread x

EachAndEveryHighway Wed 26-Jun-13 23:15:44

He'd have a username. You could do a search for chaps in his town/city and see if his picture's up or if any profiles /descriptions resonate.

AnAirOfHope Wed 26-Jun-13 23:15:56

I think I would go to his works and.confront him and take he had on him at the time and let it go.

cozietoesie Wed 26-Jun-13 23:16:18


This is the second time (at least) you've become exercised over this man. Isn't it time to just let it go emotionally? (Although you will need to get the money back.)

BerylStreep Wed 26-Jun-13 23:16:55

Good letter.

Pinkdaisy4 Wed 26-Jun-13 23:17:10

icant I will do that......both to his work and home address.

Can't be arsed trawling through dating websites!

I really hate him right now angry

CrispyHedgeHog Wed 26-Jun-13 23:18:06

Hiya AF.. yes I saw that smile

Pinkdaisy4 Wed 26-Jun-13 23:19:06

crispy no.....Aylesbury way . I'm sorry you've met one too!

waddlecakes Wed 26-Jun-13 23:19:43

Hang on, wait a minute - I've seen you've made another thread about this exact same weirdness. The cute message followed by silence and weird phone issues.

So.....what was the problem last time, according to him?

wordyBird Wed 26-Jun-13 23:20:38

Oh no. sad

I'm with Any on this one. You're a lovely person, who's been very badly treated here.

Intense, passionate, short term, money lent, sudden loss of contact..... it's only a sketch of a man, but recognisable. And very very cruel.

Not worth petrol to chase up, imho, but totally understand wanting to. Totally sad

ChasedByBees Wed 26-Jun-13 23:20:50

Hmm, do you have to pay to take someone to the small claims court? I'd be tempted.

Pinkdaisy4 Wed 26-Jun-13 23:20:51

cozie yes,the second time.

I need to move on with my £200 in my pocket.

AnyFucker Wed 26-Jun-13 23:21:10

Pink, love, a very quick search of your posting history (sorry) reveals he has been a shit virtually from day 1

Let it go. I wouldn't even try to get the 200 quid, except through the medium of two men built like brick shithouses, in the mood of an angry wasp with a special interest in kneecaps, tbh

No good will come of chasing after him. Hold on to what is left of your dignity, and walk away.

Pinkdaisy4 Wed 26-Jun-13 23:22:46

waddle busy on course and no phone reception.

Me thinks he's an arse. I've never been too busy to text back at some point.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Wed 26-Jun-13 23:23:45

I'm so sorry, OP, what a horrible situation to be in.

I can totally understand why you feel you need 'closure' but I wonder if that will actually do you more harm in the long run?

He's an adult, he owes you money and, whatever excuses there could possibly be, put yourself in his position - all of it. If you were in hospital, you'd find somebody to get a message to him, you'd do whatever it took to make sure that he knew you were ok and that you were thinking of him, that he was important.

If - and I know you wouldn't do this but IF - you decided to just dump and run, you'd plan it that a) you wouldn't send an 'I Love you' text, because you're not a sadist and b) you'd get that £200 sent to him by Special Delivery or through the letterbox with a note just saying "Sorry, it's not going anywhere, thanks for the nice times... blah blah".

If you go and visit him, you'll be all buoyed up in the meantime with a 'plan of action' and that will see you through but you're going to be totally flat afterwards when it comes to nothing. He is blanking you, for whatever reason. He's cruel and I don't know what depths he would plumb as he's already pretty low. If he's there and sees you - what could he say to you to soothe you or make you feel any better about yourself? If he's there and won't see you, you'll feel humiliated. There's no going back from what he's done, you'd never trust him or feel at ease with him again and why should you?

Grieve now and give yourself a date to stop crying over him, to get everything he's ever given you away or put in the bin. Write off that £200; you won't get it back. Chalk it up to experience and know that he is the one who has lost out, not you. He knows your a single mum and he took that money from you; that's pretty bad but to not pay it back - that's horrendous. You're so well rid of him, OP and I wouldn't pay for a drop of petrol to go and see him; he's the one who has been out of contact, not you. He's dropped you and he's a fool. You'll be fine, stay away from him and chat here, see you friends, don't run after him because you'll feel worse directly.

waddlecakes Wed 26-Jun-13 23:27:53

LyingWitch, your post is absolutely spot on.

OP, having seen that he's done this to you before, I take back the suggestion of hunting him down. Just follow LW's advice. She's right, there's no possible excuse for anything he's done.

Although the 200 quid is enfuriating, what really really shocks me is that text message. I just don't get why anybody would do that, there seems to be nothing gained by it, so WTAF?

AnyFucker Wed 26-Jun-13 23:29:01

he sent the text because he can

just more, no less

Pinkdaisy4 Wed 26-Jun-13 23:29:20

* thank you lying*

I just feel stupid, grief struck with termination and someone who I thought really cared just took my money and legged it without a backward glance.

waddlecakes Wed 26-Jun-13 23:30:19

But what does that mean, AF? What feeling could he possibly take from it?

Pinkdaisy4 Wed 26-Jun-13 23:31:27

AF......exactly. Just a few words to him probably sent while his new bit of stuff was in the shower ( sent at 0630).

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now