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new relationship and pregnant(7 Posts)
Hi, i am worried and unsure and don't know what to do. i am in a very new relationship - and somehow have fallen pregnant (even though used precautions). i am 31. i have always wanted children, but when i am ready and in a settled and stable relationship. we are still getting to know each other, and the week before i found out i was pregnant, i began to have doubhts. my guy is very caring, has a good job, plenty of friends etc. however he has a lot of change/stress in his life (new, incredibly demanding job, just left a career in the army so adjusting to new life, and now this news). he also has a health problem that gets him down. the thing i worry most about is he has a short temper - that we do talk about (i am able to talk about anything with him) but he gets road rage, short tempered in a supermarket if someone is in his way, just silly things. and i am very laid back to cannot relate to his anger in any way - it just gets me down, and also embarasses me. i really hate it, and i am worrying more and more that he will do it when out, leading me not to want to go anywhere. he wants the baby, and has made arrangements to buy a family home for us. i am just terrified that this doesnt 'feel right' - and i am all over the place. also having terrible morning sickness, feel very down. any advice. i feel lost.
Don't rush in...
OK so you're pregnant and he's being supportive, which is great, but it sounds like you both have lots of things to deal with - separately and together.
If it doesn't feel right, it isn't. You must trust your gut on this one.
Separate it out, at the moment the relationship and baby are joined in your head.
They don't have to be. You're 31, maybe you would allow the thought that you could have the baby on your own? If you wanted a child badly enough?
And as for him, it doesn't sound great to me - he has anger issues you're not comfortable with pretty early on. He might not be what you want.
How long have you been together?
he gets road rage, short tempered in a supermarket if someone is in his way, just silly things
could well be red flags.
He is ok with you now, but how will it be when he's feeling more secure in your relationship?
Particularly if you moved in and had the child?
On the other hand, think carefully whether you'd ('ll) regret not having this child.
Whatever your decision in relation to the baby, I would still let the relationship evolve slowly and carefully.
or dump him now because of his anger issues
My dp has a much shorter temper than me, it takes a lot to make me angry whereas he gets annoyed at lots of things that I probably wouldn't even think about. In our case it works - sometimes him being annoyed in my behalf makes me realise I shouldn't put up with something, and sometimes me being laid back gives him some perspective and we can have a laugh about it.
Guess the difference is I have known dp for a long time, so I know exactly what he will do when angry and how far he will go (not very) which you dont know yet. Expecting a baby has turned my emotions upside down even though planned and took ages, doubts creep in that havent been there before as your instincts are to prioritise your security for the baby, not take any risks.
I would say take your time. Dont write off your fella, give him a chance to show you who he is. Dont up the commitment until you are completely assured, well, as much as anyone can be! You dont need to make any decisions about a house right now, that is just more pressure on both of you to make it work.
How far on are you? Even a planned pregnancy will take adjusting to!
Are you far from home, or do you have close family and friends nearby?
Do they know about you being pregnant?
If you decide to keep this pregnancy going you don't have to be with him, he can still be a part of the baby's life. This isn't a tried and tested relationship and you may doubt him as a long term partner let alone a father, but are you ready to have a baby? If so then you will cope. If you stay with your bf for the wrong reasons it won't do any of you good.
Everything might seem negative now, the morning sickness certainly won't help. I found drinking dry ginger ale was very settling and if possible eat small amounts often... Try to eat before you think you will start to feel sick.
Don't let other people dictate how you should be feeling.
To be fair I have road rage, I get very annoyed very fast by inconsiderate people when shopping and can shout out some very navy words when pissed at something that's got my blood boiling...
Don't mean I will harm anyone though, just that sometimes the smaller stuff gets to people.
Have a good think its not him and the baby or nothing you can have the baby without him
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