Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Post-split: Evidence of cheating while we were together -WWYD?

(62 Posts)
MsWinnieBaygo Tue 25-Jun-13 16:24:11

A bit of advice/common sense needed please - I know this issue is nothing in comparison to what some of you have had to go through as me & exDP weren't married, no DCs, only together for a year (meant to be exclusive) and split up - at his instigation - a few months ago.

He dumped me a few months ago - I was upset though deep down knew it was for the best and it wasn't going to go anywhere. I wanted to go no contact but about 6 weeks after finishing things he gets in contact with a friendly message, still texts and emails a few times a week and states that he misses me, regrets his decision etc. I have ignored the last couple of messages as telling him I don't want to be friends seems to make no difference and I'm past the stage where I want to get back with him. I did think we could actually maybe now be friends but ...

I idly googled a user name last night that he uses for something else and came across a least 5 adult sex & webcamming sites that he has been on since 2010 - recently using them and evidence seems to indicate that he was using them whilst we were together. They are definitely him and have some pretty disgusting and identifiable photos and videos of him. Some profiles state he has a girlfriend so he only interested in webcamming and sexy chat other profiles state that he is single and looking for adult meets.

Obviously what he has done/is doing since we split up is none of my business but it hurts and angers me that he was doing this when we were together and spinning me a pack of lies. Especially as he is trying so hard now to be my 'friend' with his nicey nice emails and texts

He's in the past, I see him for the pathetic twat that he is, I do pretty much believe that this is as a result of his issues rather than any reflection on me. I guess my question is, do I:

A) Confront him now via email or text, with or without screenshots of the information that I have, that he is a lying cheating creep who used webcams while with me and god knows what else
B) As above, though wait until he contacts me with a text or email again first, which I'm pretty sure the pathetic player will do.
C) Do nothing and ignore and delete any future attempts at contact from him

If A or B - how do I do this without seeming like a crazy psycho Internet stalker?

I'm not wanting an apology or to listen to any of the bullshit that comes out of his mouth. I want him to know I know but have my dignity intact. Not even sure why I want him to know that I know. I just can't believe he treated me like such an idiot and I put my trust in him

Thanks for reading and cast your votes people - option A,B or C?

MsWinnieBaygo Mon 01-Jul-13 20:41:32

Yep Matilda - that was my main concern about sending him a message - that he'd think I was a crazy stalker type. Ah well, it's done now & I want nothing more to do with him

DistanceCall Mon 01-Jul-13 20:20:46

Send picture with the caption "Fuck off or else" if he persists. Then nothing, ever again.

Although I doubt you will hear from him after that.

ProphetOfDoom Mon 01-Jul-13 20:11:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsWinnieBaygo Mon 01-Jul-13 19:33:26

Update of sorts:

Well after getting yet more emails & texts I went against most of the advice on here and in a moment of madness decided to send a response stating that I know everything & I'm not friends with liars blah blah. Not exactly cutting & I couldn't be arsed hurling insults.

Wasn't particularly expecting a response so was slightly surprised to get this by email today:

'Well I hope someone tells me everything 'cos I haven't got a clue what you're referring to. You're talking rubbish and I've done nothing wrong'

I wasn't expecting a confession but the above just made me roll my eyes at the knob. Have deleted and not in the slightest bit tempted to respond so I guess his pathetic response has helped provide final closure!

Twat grin

ProphetOfDoom Fri 28-Jun-13 21:17:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lizzabadger Fri 28-Jun-13 21:10:39

P.S. His messages are likely to escalate initially to try to get a response out of you (it's called an "extinction burst") but then they WILL stop, provided you ignore consistently. Behavioural psychology, innit.

Lizzabadger Fri 28-Jun-13 21:07:04

Don't send a message. Just ignore. He will get bored eventually.

BOF Fri 28-Jun-13 18:33:45


Keep ignoring him.

MsWinnieBaygo Fri 28-Jun-13 18:03:27

Am starting to feel slightly evil as got another text from him about 10 min ago despite ignoring yesterday's communication & his earlier email. Time to start composing the 'fuck off you perverted twat' message I think.

SignoraStronza Fri 28-Jun-13 17:58:33

A policeman you say? A few choice wankytodger pics with his head (both of them) clearly visible to be posted in a strategic somewhere his colleagues might see and rip him to shreds place could be rather amusing. If you're feeling evil. grin

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Fri 28-Jun-13 17:25:39

A policeman? if he carries on, report him.

fromparistoberlin Fri 28-Jun-13 17:13:39


hard, but the best! its OVER

BOF Fri 28-Jun-13 17:03:34

Just keep ignoring him and delete stuff without reading.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 28-Jun-13 16:46:56

Sorry for knee jerk 'clutching at pearls' response, unhelpful.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 28-Jun-13 16:43:23

A policeman?!

MsWinnieBaygo Fri 28-Jun-13 16:27:33

Unfortunately he is a policeman

Have tried the don't contact me again though doesn't make the blind bit of difference. I know if I continue to ignore he'll probably go away eventually but I'm thinking now that I might just send a cutting message stating I know everything to put an end to this farce once and for all. I won't be in the slightest bit tempted to reply anymore like I would've a few days ago. He just disgusts me now & the thought of what he was doing behind my back makes my stomach turn.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Fri 28-Jun-13 15:13:46

This is becoming harassment of you, to be honest.

Perhaps it is time to say "I do not wish to have anything to do with you. Kindly respect my choice. If you ever contact me again for any reason, I will consider it harassment and will report it to the police."

MsWinnieBaygo Fri 28-Jun-13 14:19:35

Have got another email this morning so still debating my options - sticking with C at the mo though getting more & more tempted at the thought of sending a cutting response.

oldwomaninashoe Fri 28-Jun-13 09:57:15

I would also say see but if you need to respond how about "You're deleted!"

Anniegetyourgun Thu 27-Jun-13 23:46:09

Think of a cutting response by all means. Think of several. Think of his face when he reads all the entertaining suggestions on here. And then don't send any of them. Revel in the thought that he will never know what was so funny. These pearls are far too precious for swine.

ThistleVille Thu 27-Jun-13 23:02:21

Please don't respond. You have your dignity - he, obviously, does not.

MortaIWombat Thu 27-Jun-13 22:36:36

Please use mine.
Pleeeeeeeeeaaaase? grin
and then report back

MsWinnieBaygo Thu 27-Jun-13 17:42:30

Eek - crunch time as got both a text & email from twatface this afternoon. Staying strong so far with 98% of me wanting to still ignore him and only 2% of me still trying to think of a cutting response to send to him.

Twisted fecking pervert

MardyPants Thu 27-Jun-13 17:41:43

Option D

'Fuck the fuck right off and stop fucking bothering me'

And actually send the link to his mum.

Hopasholic Thu 27-Jun-13 14:49:30

Hmmm what about making a moonpig card from the picture and sending it to him anon grin


C it is

You can also have any picture made into gift wrap.....

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now