Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 2 3

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

EXH has just realised I still have keys to his house

51 replies

postmanpatscat · 23/06/2013 18:57

I moved out over three years ago. He was out when I left (he knew I was going), I locked the door behind me and he would have had to unlock it when he returned.

The DDs sometimes arrive at his house before he gets back, so they let themselves in. DD2 goes there more often and uses the keys that DD1 used to have, so DD1 (who has just explained to dad that she has already collected her things while he was out this afternoon 'using the spare key that mum has') has asked him can she keep these keys to use on future visits. ExH says no, they must be returned and he will be discussing it with me. He won't, since he will email me and I will neither read it nor respond to it.

I guess he is terrified I will go over there, let myself in and rifle through his underwear drawer or sew prawns into the hems of his curtains. Since I have had ample opportunity to do that in the last three years and haven't done so, you'd think he know better. I will give these keys back, but then DD1 won't have a set and I could still use DD2's set if I was desperate to gain access, which I'm not.

I hope he is fuming and spends ages composing me one of his usual hatred-masked-as-politeness emails so I can delete it without reading it

OP posts:

Report

Cherriesarelovely · 23/06/2013 19:18

Not sure I quite understand this. I can totally appreciate your ex not wanting you to have keys to his house. I have a very good relationship with my ex and we don't have each others keys. Why are you so keen to piss him off?

Cherriesarelovely · 23/06/2013 19:20

I can understand your Dds needing his keys to get in but don't blame him for not wanting you to have your own set.

Squitten · 23/06/2013 19:26

I don't understand.

You have no right to have keys to his home. If your DDs want keys, they need to take it up with him. I would be furious if I thought an ex had kept keys to my home.

You sound extremely childish

postmanpatscat · 23/06/2013 19:32

If I sound childish, it is far from the truth. I left him because he was emotionally, sexually and financially abusing me and I hung on to the keys because a) he didn't ask for them back and b) DD2 regularly left stuff there that she needed e.g. school shoes, planner, rugby kit and I had to keep driving her over there to go and pick it up, which we did sometimes before he got home from work. I have not been in the house since the day I moved out, nor do I want to.

I don't have my 'own' set, they have been used by whichever DD needed them. They just happen to be in our house.

OP posts:

DioneTheDiabolist · 23/06/2013 19:36

I don't understand. You haven't used the keys since you moved out, but you hung onto them so you could pick up stuff that your DD left there?

postmanpatscat · 23/06/2013 19:39

I would drive over there with DD, she would go in and get whatever is was that she needed that couldn't wait until her next visit. He refuses to buy things for them so they have to take clothes, uniform etc on every visit and he doesn't check that they have got everything they need when they leave there.

OP posts:

Northey · 23/06/2013 19:43

Did he know that she was going in and put of his house when he wasn't there?

postmanpatscat · 23/06/2013 19:46

Yes, she would text or call him and if he wasn't in she let herself in. DD1 had keys before we moved out, they are both mid-teens now. He knew they had keys and he knew they sometimes collected or dropped things off when he wasn't in. Now he thinks they are 'my' keys it is suddenly a problem and he's giving DD1 a hard time over it. She is home but DD2 is at his place (which was our marital home).

OP posts:

OneMoreChap · 23/06/2013 19:47

Basically. he should change the locks. End of.

Northey · 23/06/2013 19:50

Can you just tel him you have given the keys to whichever DD doesn't currently have a set, so that they have a set each and you have none? If one of them then asks you to look after her keys for her, then that is her own business, obviously :)

postmanpatscat · 23/06/2013 19:51

So he can change the locks, give the DDs new keys, which they will still have in their possession when they are home with me, so why bother? Or he doesn't let them have keys and life gets more difficult for everyone.

OP posts:

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour · 23/06/2013 20:55

I'm not surprised he's upset you have keys to his house

How would you feel if he had keys to yours?

If he chooses to give keys to your dd's than that is his decision

Almostfifty · 23/06/2013 21:05

Oh for goodness sake. Your DDs have keys to your Ex's house. End of.

DotCottonsHairnet · 23/06/2013 21:08

My boys have keys to their Dads house - they never use them as they rarely visit.

I dont have one nor does ex have any keys to my house (maritial home). Nor will he have keys when the boys and I move into our new home next month.

Xales · 23/06/2013 21:09

First thing my ex does when he moves is get a set of keys cut for our DS and hand them too me.

He's a bit slow if he has only just realised your DD's having keys mean you could have accessed the house anytime over the last 3 years if you wanted to.

OneMoreChap · 23/06/2013 21:51

"My ex husband has keys to my house; I don't want him to have them, but he keeps getting them from the kids. He ignores my complaints"

Yeah, really funny that would be.
Locks changed, and no keys for the kids until they can be trusted not to give them to you, I feel.

DeckSwabber · 23/06/2013 22:21

My kids have keys to their Dads house. They also have keys to my house. Ultimately, we both have to trust each other not to abuse the situation.

FeegleFion · 23/06/2013 22:27

Let the abusive fucker stew for a while.

Ugh, is he for real? He must have known you could have access any time you liked, even if he was unaware you had actually kept your keys, as at least one of your DC have a set.

kalidanger · 23/06/2013 22:29

Sounds like you're happy he's pissed off, OP. Are you positive you are looking at this the right way?

SolidGoldBrass · 23/06/2013 23:46

Well if he has known that the DDs have keys to his house for 3 years, he's being a bit of a knob to start stamping and roaring about it now. You haven't used these keys to let yourself in and shit on his pillow so far.
These are things that could happen. Ask him which option he likes best.

A) He changes the locks on the house and does not give DDs keys, so they can't have free access to the house. SO every time they leave any of their belongings there, he gets bombarded with texts and phone calls from them asking him to come and let them in to retrieve their stuff.

B) The DDs continue to have their keys and access their father's home when they need to. You continue not to go into the house and shit on his pillow.

C) He obtains a court order to the effect that you are not allowed to have keys to his house but the DDs are. This costs him a lot of money. The DDs continue to have their keys and access their father's home when they need to. You continue not to go into the house and shit on his pillow. But now he has just spent a lot of money.

Xales · 23/06/2013 23:50

Shit on his pillow.

I think I love you Solid

bbqsummer · 23/06/2013 23:59

Solid sums it up nicely. WTAF are all you other posters doing having a go at the op?

FFs grow up all of you.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

bbqsummer · 24/06/2013 00:01

..oh and am loving this one of his usual hatred-masked-as-politeness emails so I can delete it without reading it

I remember those.

Onemorechap I have the keys to your shed so watch out for your power tools.

bragmatic · 24/06/2013 04:18

Talk of shitting on pillows is ridiculous.

Just do a fart. You get all the satisfaction, but leave no evidence.

heidihole · 24/06/2013 04:27

Solid sums it up

Cannot believe OP got flamed by some idiots.

OP YANBU

Flip

1 2 3

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.