im pulling my hair out, advice please

[hudsonriver1]

Hi. I need some advice. Been married since sept and been together for 2 years. H has always been living at home until I moved him in with me and my 2 children. I rented my property first then moved him in.

He is lazy, late for work, does nothing around the house to hell, I work from home and if he is on a rest day he will stay in bed until 12pm which really irriates me.

We are moving in 10 days and I am packing, he has done nothing apart from work and play golf. I have even painted a wall because he didnt do it.

Im questioning myself big time, I do feel quite unhappy and stressed but not sure thats just the move coming up.

Tonight I cooked a dinner he asked for and then he text when he was leaving work to say he wasnt hungry and then wondered why I got the hump.

I feel he spends all our money, playing golf each week, £40 per month and he gets funny over me joining a gym. I was in a controlling relationship with my ex.

He gets in moods really easily even if it is his fault and doesnt see it from my point ad I end up apologising and making up.

Any advice please? Im scared of what the future hokds for me and my kids

[simplesusan]

I don't think this relationship looks good. He seems to be taking you for granted.
I know how frustraing it can be to be the one doing the majority of the housework.
I think you need to ask yourself what are you getting from this relationship.
If you can truthfully answer that you are getting a lot from it then it may be worth speaking to your dp and telling him exactly what it is you want from him.
For example one of you will cook Saturday, the other one will cook Sunday.
You will both spend 2 hourson yor hobby at the weekjend etc.

If he doesn't listen/refuses to co-operate, then I would kick this into touch as he will always be a taker.

[hudsonriver1]

So am i taking him for granted? He works hard, yes but does fuck all else. I work hard and earn good money but manage to have 2 days off a week.

[hudsonriver1]

But he still doesnt help, even if he tries too I have to help him in some way cos he cant manage

[SolidGoldBrass]

If he does nothing around the house then it's him taking you for granted, and him thinking that because he has a penis, you are his servant.

[hudsonriver1]

Thanks!

[hudsonriver1]

Has anyone else got any advice? Im desperate, feel so down

[hudsonriver1]

And how do I answer the question what am I getting out of this relationship?

YEah sometimes we have fun, I love him but sometimes I dont. Thats about it.

[joblot]

You need to talk. And not move if thats possible. Without communicating you'll carry on feeling resentful I would think

[Lweji]

I'd be tempted to move myself and send his stuff to his mum.
It seems that you don't need him financially, and you dont have children together.

Or stay where you are and pack his stuff.

If you don't want a definitive break, you could start couples counselling or allowing him in a few days a week and see what he does.
Or have a proper talk about it and see what he does next, without prompting.

Honestly, I think it can only get worse if you get pregnant by him.