My head is a hornets nest atm, and I really need some guidance and support. This is going to be an epic post.
I'm very sorry, really need to purge all this, and ask for help. I've no one to talk to about this to tell me if I've finally just gone mad and seeing the world completely distorted.
I've just ended things with my DH, I don't know that I should have, things became too much, and I just snapped. Partly me ending this was due to MIL and part was because of DH.
Me and my DH used to get on brilliantly and also like the best of mates.
We would talk and laugh for hours, but oddly after about a year of seeing each other, he'd never told him mum about us. He finally did, but then......
Before I married DH, his DM said many things about not wanting him to settle down perhaps with just me???
the ones I know about from DH showing me emails at the beginning wish he'd never shown me But I was his first real relationship and even when it made me upset, and I told him he shouldn't have shown me these messages, he felt I should know.
MIL sent him messages saying. "I thought you were happy single." "Why couldn't it be a woman from around here." "Why do you want to marry someone who is older than you??" "Can't you find someone without dc." "You promised you were never getting married."
When he would come to visit me she'd cry her eyes out and tell him she'd never see him again and I was going to murder him. and his mum would txt him many times to ask if he was still alive! Even though he'd come around to visit several times she'd still do this. (I lived quite a distance, and didn't meet MIL until much later).
When she first met me though it was all happy families she seemed to appear to genuinely like me, so I thought maybe I had got the wrong end of the stick. So for her birthday I gave her a pretty ring that had belonged granny that had passed(she knew this) and really just hoped for the best.
She came over every single weekend for several years without fail and sometime stayed overnight, with us having to go out to hers for emergency pipe burst, loo overflows, a man stalking her, Car not starting...etc during the week.
Every single weekend was and still is drama, MIL has some crisis, she is has been chronically ill since I've known her, as least she says so, she seems fine to me. Her car has an issue every single week, She has left several jobs because all of the people treat her so bad, and in debt because of this, DH has given her money when she needs over the years. All her family is horrible to her because of this or that. It's all so exhausting.
MIL started doing stranger things though, well perhaps strange to me???
MIL would call a few hours before coming over asking how everyone was and that's she'd be on her way soon. She would be just having a chat with DH, but she'd always find out from him what I'd cooked and/or baked, and she'd cook/bake the exact same thing and bring it over. And would hassle DH to try what she made and ask how it was?
If my DH would buy me a gift, she say to him, I could really do with that too. (sometimes she get items). Just things like that. After being married a couple months she wanted to take me for a "girls day out".
We went shopping, and sat down for lunch and were chatting about DH and she mentioned to me that her exH accused her of sleeping with my DH.
We'd just married, first thought was...what the hell have I just got myself into.
I didn't believe this but because she said it flippantly and almost as a wind up it did put the tiniest bit of worry in my mind. I didn't know what the hell to say I was so shocked.
That night I tried for several hours to bring it up with my DH but he said he didn't want to talk about anything that had to do with his DF and DM. I didn't just outright ask him, looking back this was a huge mistake. Even though I thought such a thing never happened. Why would she tell me such a thing.
Once we had our DC things even seem to get stranger. She said horrible things to my older DC, and became very verbally abusive to them when we weren't about, the younger ones weren't even safe, she has slapped one of our younger DC, then bounce ball off his head when he was only just learning to stand over 15 times, shoved same LO off the couch. (Older DC ran in and told us).
DH had a go at her but she somehow ended up the victim in this.
MIL continued to come around every weekend until near Christmas a couple years ago, I finally snapped. She had done something to one of my little dc and said more rude things to my older and I said I didn't want her around anymore, I couldn't cope.
She always come and stayed Christmas with us, but I said that year I needed a Christmas to ourselves. MIL was so upset, she called and called DH asking why and what was wrong, and if DH wouldn't explain to her satisfaction she was going to ring me and get it out of me.
DH told her if she called me that there would be repercussions. Things were great for us for a while, no drama. She was so angry so she wasn't calling or coming around.
But eventually she started txting DH and she was really poorly. She'd had a minor car collision. This then that. And she was missing DH and DC so we had her come around and visa versus again.
This isn't but a tip of the iceberg. DH told me on a recent visit she sold the ring I'd given her on ebay. She also asked for some of my stuff in the garage, and DH gave to her cause they decided I hadn't used them in a while, and she could make use of. Sigh..... There is so much more.
All this plus his own issues has hugely affected my relationship with my DH. I do love him. He is of the mind now that we are and have been bad to his DM.
That she's would never intentionally hurt anyone and isn't clever enough to do the things she done and couldn't manipulate anyone on purpose, she just isn't clever enough...... DH says. We can't keep her away and DH now feels that I am making him choose her or us. (I have never ever asked him to choose). DH says That MIL has a right to see our dc.
DH had put his foot down this weekend and said MIL must come around as its been a month since he and dc have seen her, or he must go to hers.
I've ended a relationship with someone I love very much, and can't get my thoughts right and dunno what to do?? I've been a doormat for so long, I've never said a cross word to MIL ever. I just am a wuss and I feel even though DH have problems as most couples do, They are much more compounded by all this.
Thank you for reading...
I'm sorry I know I've written so much, I haven't finished my thoughts even, but I'm blubbing like a baby and I need to sort myself before DC get home from school. Really sorry for all mistakes and misspellings.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Please help!! I have ended marriage, and I don't know I should have...
Teawench · 21/06/2013 15:05
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