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What will happen if i call social services?? Dont want to make it worse

(15 Posts)
HandbagCrazy Fri 21-Jun-13 09:06:20

Hi. I've never posted here before and am not sure im putting this in the right place but am completely stuck on what to do for the best.

Situation is that a young girl (she's 15) that i know but not well (She's connected via my mil exh) needs some help but im not sure if I would be doing more harm than good.

This girl has been neglected for most of her life. As a baby SS were heavily involved but this stopped when her mother seemed to get her act together.

Without going into too much detail, things have gotten worse. SS were involved about a year ago at the girls instigation but didnt seem to help matters.

Now she has contacted dh (she had to borrow a phone to do this as she isnt allowed to contact us anymore) to say that her mother has a new partner and is now hitting her. The partner apparently completely ignores her. Her mother and new partner have told her they're trying for a baby so her mother can 'get it right and have a good child this time'. She wants to run away and told dh that she has 'checked things out' and if she ran away to ours or mil's, SS couldnt physically make her go back home as long as she was safe and she refused to go because of her age.

Is this right?? Im desperate to call social services, not just for her but to get them in from the very beginning with any new baby. But last time the repurcussions of ss involvement were terrible for her and it made her keep a lot of what happened to herself. She was so upset when I spoke to her.

I have no children and have never dealt with anything like this. I always thought i should let ss do their thing and me and dh just offered unconditional support and a place for her to come to if and when she needs it but SS are unaware of the full story and they dont seem to be involved anymore. If any of you know what will happen if i call ss, please tell me.

Pantone363 Fri 21-Jun-13 09:08:38

Who are you to her? It sounds horrendous, can you get her safely to you? (Providing she wants to?)

And YES to calling SS

doormat Fri 21-Jun-13 09:12:15

Before you phone think very hard

Can you put this girl up in your home

Can you become totally responsible for her care and may involve coming out of there will be so many meeting and risk assessments

Can you put up with teenage strops and behaviour

Can you handle backlash from her family members

Can you love and care for her like she was your own

If the answer is yes to all i would make the call....good luck x

HandbagCrazy Fri 21-Jun-13 09:16:14

Yes i can get her to me quite easily. But im worried as i would have to go and collect her from school - i cant go near her house as her mother hates me. And how i know her is a bit strange. Her grandad is my mil's exh. But this girl and my mil are very very close. I have been part of the family for 7 years so I've known her since she was 8. This is another reason that i worry - I know her and she's called me several times, we've had her for the afternoon just to get her away from her mother a few times but mil, dh and me, we're not her actual family. To SS surely it would seem really strange?

doormat Fri 21-Jun-13 09:21:21

Btw ss will call her home and say that concerns for girl have been made
Ss will spk to girl on her own
Girl may say she doesnt want to live there anymore but it is likely if she is being hit...she will be placed into care until suitable relative can offer kinship care....this is a very lengthy process...
You can put yourself forward but will have to go through rigorous checks etc...

This girl sounds like she has nowhere to go and a horrendous life for her but please dont be realistic could this girl be lying and playing for sympathy ....tough one ...good luck x

HandbagCrazy Fri 21-Jun-13 09:21:21

If she was to move out, I think we would be temporary and she'd end up living with mil as they are in a better position to have her long term. However, they a bit further away than me. And as far as her family are concerned, I can cope with whatever they throw at me if it gets her out of that house.

My main fear is that when one of her friends parents called SS around 2 years ago, the social worker made arrangements to see her at her friends house but then drove her home and dropped her right outside the house. She didnt come in but the girls mother recognised her and made her life beyond miserable for a long time. I dont want to be the reason that that happens again.

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 21-Jun-13 09:23:07

I would be calling Social Services in these circumstances; this young person has reached out to you for a reason. Bad things happen too when good people stand by and do nothing. Someone has to help her and its certainly not going to be either her mother or her man is it?.

doormat Fri 21-Jun-13 09:25:28

Approach ss and tell them everything. You know x

HandbagCrazy Fri 21-Jun-13 09:25:47

Her phone and internet access gets taken off her quite a lot so its hard for anyone to check on her. If nothing else, I want is documented somewhere that someone is keeping a regular eye on her and giving her access to help if she needs it.

I may have to call them. TBH I dont think i can have this on my conscience. I wanted to last time it got bad but was a but more nervous of her family then but someone else did it anyway.

HandbagCrazy Fri 21-Jun-13 09:26:44

Thank you! I was so nervous about posting - not sure why. Im calling them now x

doormat Fri 21-Jun-13 09:27:36

Good for you...keep me updated sweetheart x

MumnGran Fri 21-Jun-13 09:29:58

Let her come to your MIL (closer to her in family terms by one degree, than you, although I realise there is no blood tie) for coffee and talk
so she is physically out of the environment and in a safe place.
Then you have to talk through the fact that although you are prepared to help ( do think this through very carefully, its a big responsibility!) SS have to be informed because she is a juvenile.
Then you need to hold her hand and make the call.

SS may be very happy for her to be staying with people who care, and you will have more support if they are involved.

HandbagCrazy Fri 21-Jun-13 09:53:11

Oh god. All done. I've called and told them everything I know. They wouldnt confirm to me what would happen if she ran away to my house but said i cannot go and get her as if her mother reports her missing it would seem that i abducted her!! However, they are getting a social worker (a different one) to make enquiries. They said they will look to see if they can arrange this via her school so its in the hours she isnt due to be home and hopefully knowing that her mother wont know means she will be more open. And mil is talking to her on the phone right now. She's crying because she thought we'd all turn against her for 'ignoring us for months.' I think she's so relieved that we understand.

My heart is hammering. But at least she's back on SS radar now.

Thank you everyone. Terrifying as that was, the man i spoke to was lovely and least she can see she has people in her corner. I think i would still be sitting her worrying about it if it wasnt for you all smile xxx

doormat Fri 21-Jun-13 12:27:44

Aww handbag thats brilliant news...glad you feel relieved...bless you sweetheart xxx

Ps you have done the right to you all xxx

EhricLovesTeamQhuay Fri 21-Jun-13 20:00:09

Well done! The new baby needs protecting just as she does. Social services will. To talk to her in secret however, they can't do that. If concerns are raised about a child's safety then the parents have to be informed. They do often talk to children at school though as a safe and neutral place. If she says her step dad is hitting her and she refuses to go home she may be placed in temporary foster care or within the family network. That's where you could come in. You wouldn't have to be assessed as a carer necessarily, it all depends which way they play it. If they think the risk is high enough to go to court for a care order then you would. But children get 'placed' with friends and family informally all the time, especially teenagers.

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