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can't believe this is real (hand hold needed)

(55 Posts)
slipperySlip000 Thu 20-Jun-13 20:50:42

I have name changed for this. After wading through treacle in my big lead boots for ten years (my eldest dd is 10, youngest dd 8) I have taken steps to end my marriage of 14 years. Things have just taken on a momentum now. I have had enough and can't stand it any more.

My hubby tries really hard to be the person he imagines himself to be. But he is very often keeping a lid on his anger. In reality he is a prickly person who was parented by a Dad who was physically/verbally and abusive. He is often irritated by things in life, including any noise or mess created by his own kids. Both girls have special needs and he will not do anything, even basic for them other than ferry them around from A to B. And it has taken a fair bit of training to get that far. He has now opted out of reading to them, or getting them ready for bed. He expects accolades for helping around the house and can do no housework or menial tidying task without getting very irritated and creating a horrible atmosphere. He is moody and just expects everyone to go with it, changes suddenly and never apologises for this or acknowledges the effect it has on me. At times hubby can be intimidating and cutting towards me, although he has a very hard time recognizing it, because it is part of his anger and so he is blind to it. I have finally told him I'm not taking any more of it. This is not how I was brought up, what I want out of life is a hubby who can appreciate what he has in life rather than sitting constantly on his back side, moaning, looking endlessly on the internet for things we cannot afford. It is endless. I have worked unbelievably hard to re-train, advocate and fight endlessly and support the kids with their lives and their education. My dd pulled out a letter the other day and announced she'd been picked for a sports tournament (in school hours). All hubby could do was grunt, and moan about the late notice (despite the fact that it had absolutely no impact on his life). I have been on antidepressants for three months now. Hubby has never actually asked how I'm feeling. I still feel depressed.

I feel awful. Because I am now going to split this family apart. My family think the sun shines out of my hubby's backside. I have a lot of work to do now to re-write the story of this marriage to the people in my life. I can't even think about what the kids will be like, as I have no idea how this will play out. But things have taken on a momentum now. I have told hubby I need to get away with the kids for a couple of weeks. It will be an amazing and liberating time as I won't be stressed and walking on eggshells any more, and I can do what is right for mw after all these long, hard, years. The rest of it is making me sick. Please hold my hand.

DonutForMyself Wed 26-Jun-13 19:38:03

That's brilliant, glad you're feeling the benefit already - you knew it was the right thing to do and each day that you're able to make your own choices and decisions will make you stronger and confirm that you needed to do this x

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 26-Jun-13 19:46:01

The old you has been there all the time, you probably walk taller and sleep better this week. The girls will benefit from not having mum stressed by dad not pitching in or ever taking the initiative with raising them. Him having them over will give you a break.

slipperySlip000 Wed 26-Jun-13 19:48:39

Donut thank you so much for putting it into exactly the right words. Your post of 14:06 yesterday just sums it up exactly. I have printed it out to stick in my bag to refer to! Thank you so much flowers flowers flowers

slipperySlip000 Wed 26-Jun-13 20:51:12

Mondays new and lovely experience was the girls playing on the piano while absolutely nobody got irate.

Today's new and lovely experience is the girls getting ready for bed quietly and quickly with the TV off, instead of h on the sofa barking at the kids occasionally, while kids get distracted by the TV and I run around trying to get the kids sorted among the chaos, over the course if about thre times the amount of time it should take.

Tonight I wil have time to do some work (deadline tomorrow) and watch a bit if what I want on the telly and drink a glass of wine I have, chilling in the fridge.


Noregrets78 Wed 26-Jun-13 23:14:16

Sounds wonderful and peaceful. So glad to hear it's going well for you.

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