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Is it ok to have casual sex?

(51 Posts)
secondchances Thu 20-Jun-13 17:43:39

I've recently come out of a difficult relationship and struggled to come to terms at first with what exactly an abusive relationship is. With help & support from close friends and family i saw the light and began a life as a single mum.

Here's where the trouble begins. I've met someone via a work friend & he's really lovely. Now i know at first they all are lovely then they become comfortable and that all changes, but i've known of him for around 2 years but never had the chance to actually KNOW him IYSWIM. Problem is after many chats, cups of coffee & lunches we've become a lot closer. I always have found him attractive but never acted on it. We've been discussing what we want with regards to our love lives. I dont want a relationship yet, i dont think i should hop into being a girlfriend. I'd like some time to be on my own but still like to have someone to be intimate with but nothing attached. He would like to have a no strings relationship & understands if it does look likely to become anything more and im not ready then we would need to step back a little and just be friendly with eachother. What i'm asking is is it ok to have casual sex? We wouldnt be shouting it from the rooftops. No one else need know. But i dont want to come across as a "slag" i guess.

GilmoursPillow Thu 20-Jun-13 17:46:21

I dont see a problem as long as you both want the same thing and as long as you can both be VERY discreet. If it gets out at work it could cause a whole heap of trouble.

In theory, I don't see casual sex between two unattached, consenting adults you don't need me to do the whole safe sex thing, do you as a problem.

secondchances Thu 20-Jun-13 17:47:55

Oh god no. We're both well aware of the uproar it would cause if word got out. Tbh i wont be telling a soul nor will he. We dont need other people to know.

tootdelafruit Thu 20-Jun-13 17:48:06

there's no such thing as a slag. it's a word used to keep women from putting their vaginas wherever the hell they like as opposed to where men would like them to put it.

casual sex is fine. protect yourself from STi's and pregnancy and be honest with yourself and your partner about what you want from it and if your feelings change.

secondchances Thu 20-Jun-13 17:48:34

& no the whole safe sex thing is well under control already on my part. Pill for 2 years & counting...

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Thu 20-Jun-13 17:48:42

Theres nothing wrong with it and I wish I could do it.

I always seem to bond with a man emotionally when I've had sex with him and would be interested to find out how not to do this.

GilmoursPillow Thu 20-Jun-13 17:49:26

You need more than the pill - think STDs maybe we do need to have that chat after all LOL

secondchances Thu 20-Jun-13 17:49:50

tootdelafruit - thats a very true and blunt way to explain a slag. I hadnt thought of it that way. Obviously if we have to back away that'd be difficult but i think bearing it all in mind & knowing its a good enough reason is ok. Maybe im just really nervous.

StickEmUpPunk Thu 20-Jun-13 17:50:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

secondchances Thu 20-Jun-13 17:50:48

Lol gilmourspillow - i shant be having any fumbles without socks. IYKWIM

secondchances Thu 20-Jun-13 17:51:27

Oh no he doesnt work with me i work with someone he knows. Jeez i'd never mix business with pleasure.

GilmoursPillow Thu 20-Jun-13 17:52:06

smile Then I wish you the best of luck and a good time if you decide to go ahead.

tootdelafruit Thu 20-Jun-13 17:52:50

I think the work thing is the complicator here. but that would be true even if it were a full on committed relationship. you could break up after a year of being properly a couple and it could cause far worse problems in work than casual sex. if you think it might be awkward if you cool things off then maybe explore casual sex with other people first to see how you get on with it- it's not for every one- I cant manage it (and I have tried ALOT! grin).

secondchances Thu 20-Jun-13 17:53:44

I've never done this before. I've always been stuck to the ex so its new to me too. I have no idea where to start.

Xales Thu 20-Jun-13 17:54:23

There is nothing wrong with casual sex I am all for it.

The pill is not safe sex. The pill is to prevent pregnancy. It will do bugger all to prevent STIs.

Condoms all the way until you both have STI tests to confirm you are clear.

tootdelafruit Thu 20-Jun-13 17:55:39

ah cross-posting. that makes it a lot easier- go for it and enjoy it- take care of yourself. smile

secondchances Thu 20-Jun-13 17:57:06

Nerves are kicking in.

secondchances Thu 20-Jun-13 17:57:30

Is there not a book i can read on this kinda thing?

TotallyBursar Thu 20-Jun-13 17:58:24

Toot has put wonderfully what I was going to say. If I could print that on a t-shirt I would!

The only thing about this situation I can foresee is the work connection - if you are able to protect yourself there then...why not?

You can have as much sex as you want, with whomever you want (with the usual caveats) - as long as it doesn't harm you & your emotional recovery from the past.

Enjoy & be happy!

tootdelafruit Thu 20-Jun-13 17:58:59


have you got his number? just text him to ask him over for a drink tonight/tomorrow night/this weekend and take it from there.

secondchances Thu 20-Jun-13 18:01:45

Is there not like a manual for this sort of thing?!

GilmoursPillow Thu 20-Jun-13 18:02:12

Then tell us on here what happened. <dried up old hag> grin

secondchances Thu 20-Jun-13 18:03:20

haha ill come back to you dont worry

secondchances Thu 20-Jun-13 18:06:08

Am i going to have to start reading the 50 shades books?

TotallyBursar Thu 20-Jun-13 18:07:45

Manual -

Wine - small tot to ease nerves.

Go with the flow & remember he's probably feeling as tingly and nervous as you are.
Don't take things too seriously and enjoy fun with a friend. The ball is in your court.

Most importantly - update!

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