Yesterday I ended an affair I have been having for nine months. We are both married with children. He was the only other long relationship (five years) I have had before meeting my husband (11 years ago), and we began an affair deliberately and with our eyes wide open nine months ago. It has got to the stage where I am done with the lies, the guilt and shame, the constant emotional ups and downs, and the disrespect we are both showing ourselves, each other and of course our partners and families. I don?t want this anymore. He wants to continue this sordid situation, but I have asked him not to contact me again, deleted all contacts etc, and he says he will respect that.
I still don?t really have enough distance from the whole thing to be able to reflect and understand how I allowed this to happen. I know that many on here will say ?because you are both horrible, selfish, messed up people?. There is an element of that that would be true, too. But I am left wondering how on earth I got myself in to this mess, how and why I could be so self-destructive and so sabotaging of my family life, and where the hell I go from here? I realise I must be sorely lacking in some areas. I seemed to have become addicted to the drama and deceit for a time, and that disgusts me.
My husband does not know about any of this, but he knows and feels that there is a big rift in our marriage. OM?s wife found out several weeks ago, but has decided to forgive him if he goes completely no-contact with me (which he has not done until the last 24 hours).The situation is awful ? just the typical web of lies and deceit that you read about on here all the time. How do I make this better?
And trust me, you cannot make me feel any worse than I already do with insults etc - I am close to breaking point as it is.
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Relationships
End of an affair
HeyFeverrr · 20/06/2013 11:34
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