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I believe in my instinct re DH is lying....

(77 Posts)
rincereuserecycle Wed 19-Jun-13 13:00:23

My gut is screaming at me and I hope you can help

Bit of background, 6mtsh ago I found texts on my DH phone of a sexual nature to and from an OW, cue big argument ,DH protested stupidity on his side nothing serious to it ,nothing like that ever happened before (so he said), he said that it was harmless and would never happen again. OW has since moved abroad.

At that time I reacted to quickly and did not have all my cards and he was able to delete everything before I saw full history.

Present day, my gut is screaming at me that there is more and I need to try to find out or I will go insane, well maybe not but you get my drift.

He has an Ipnone which I never get to and I don’t have one so not sure if I can even know how to use it.

Since then I have become very distrustful of him and I now believe he can lie so easily.

He says that he has no email account, this I do not believe as he is very knowledgeable IT wise, so I will come to my point and ask for your help to see if there is there any way for me to find if he has a secrete email account, I am not very technical so I would need your help with this.

We joint use the home desktop which he clears history regularly, any tips on what I should be looking for,I would be most grateful.

I know you will say that if the trust is gone than everything is gone, you are probably right but I will not be made a fool of and I have to believe in what I feel.

If I have left anything out I will answer all your questions.
thanks all.

ImperialBlether Wed 19-Jun-13 13:02:28

Does he spend a lot of time on the computer or his phone? What would his reaction be if you said, "Oh can you lend me your phone a second?"

rincereuserecycle Wed 19-Jun-13 13:06:30

He spends copious amount of time on both,he has no issue with me using desktop as it is joint owned,he also would pass me the phone for me to ring or text somone but he would hover until I was finished.I could get to it when he is busy somewhere else but would not have much time so would need to know what to look for,but I believe he also uses the PC but deletes what he is looking at ifyswim,is there anyway to recovered deleted history or to check for email account?
thanks Imperial.

MildredIsMyAlterEgo Wed 19-Jun-13 13:07:28

Your gut instincts are likely to be right, you know and live with your DH - is he secretive about things? Does he carry his phone around like an iron lung?

Deleting internet history is a bit suss, why would you unless you were hiding something?

I agree, ask to borrow his phone and see what his reaction is.

Maybe he doesn't have an email account if he uses one at work - what does he do for a living?

MortifiedAdams Wed 19-Jun-13 13:08:41

I think with his past history you should just confront him and demand he hands his phone over. Search through it there and then. Maybe google how to search internet history first.

MildredIsMyAlterEgo Wed 19-Jun-13 13:09:21

Ah x post re borrowing the phone.

qme Wed 19-Jun-13 13:10:49

do you share profile on Microsoft computer?
do you have kids?

do you have more than one browser installed? IE, Chrome, Firefox, Opera

if you go on those - is history always cleared?

rincereuserecycle Wed 19-Jun-13 13:10:56

Hi Mildred, yes iron lung...
He has no email at work, I am 100% sure of this.

AMumInScotland Wed 19-Jun-13 13:11:34

If you get evidence, what will you do?
If you find no evidence will you trust him?

I think you have already decided that he is cheating. Do you really need evidence?

rincereuserecycle Wed 19-Jun-13 13:13:06

only one profile set up on home PC (mine) this is just how we set it when we got it,we both use the same browser (Google) some things will be left but he does delete others and it is the others I am curious about,he just says he is tiding up things...

yes we do have DC (3)

qme Wed 19-Jun-13 13:13:27

here's a bit on how you can go and check what he visited

qme Wed 19-Jun-13 13:13:34

rincereuserecycle Wed 19-Jun-13 13:15:33

I absolutely need evidence...It is driving me insane ,the mistake I made was in the begining as I believe he only told me what he could get away with.

What will I do?? Yes if I find evidence I will LTB.....

MildredIsMyAlterEgo Wed 19-Jun-13 13:18:26

Found this, might be useful:

For Windows XP, Internet Explorer's history is kept in a per-user directory underneath "\Documents and Settings". Assuming a default locations, that would be:

c:\Documents and Settings\Username\Local Settings\History
"The easiest way is to simply recover the contents of that directory, including all subdirectories, from a recent backup."
"Username" would be replaced by your login user name. So mine, for example, would be "c:\Documents and Settings\LeoN\Local Settings\History".

Note: the "History" directory is marked "invisible" by default, so it's likely that you won't find it by default. You'll need to enable viewing hidden files in Windows Explorer, or searching for Hidden Files when you perform a search.

ImperialBlether Wed 19-Jun-13 13:18:46

Do you think he might be phoning her from his car? If you do, PM me as I was told what to do in those circumstances by a private investigator (just in chatting, not something I've done.)

qme Wed 19-Jun-13 13:18:57

it is Chrome, bless Google snooping on us ;)

Each copy of Chrome comes with it's own unique client ID which means that Google can identify your copy of Chrome each time that you use it. They store your history and can trace it back to your machine regardless of the internet connection, ip address or proxy used. If you really want your web history and have a legal reason for obtaining it they can provide it.

and more

however now you should read those using Private Browsing smile

qme Wed 19-Jun-13 13:20:01

I suggest if you can go to your friends home and learn how to use those so you are confident - what version of Windows do you use?

Betrayedbutsurvived Wed 19-Jun-13 13:21:47

If you can get hold of his I phone check his email app on there. If he has an email account he'll almost certainlyhave it connected. Again, on his iphone, open the safari app and just tap the search box, this will list recent searches, or tap on the cloud ( top left) to see the last few web pages visited. Assuming he's not deleted of course!

qme Wed 19-Jun-13 13:22:44

true - he may have app on his phone (yahoo etc) where he accesses it every time

Betrayedbutsurvived Wed 19-Jun-13 13:25:19

Just realised, you need an email address to create an iTunes account, and without an iTunes account, an iphone is practically useless.

OneMoreChap Wed 19-Jun-13 13:27:06

Unless you're going to install snooper software on both his phone and desktop - and any other PC he has access to, you are SOOL.

If you feel that way there are really three options.

Ask him: but if he says no, will you believe him
Spend money investigating him - but if he gets a clean bill, will you believe that
Investigate yourself - in which case you need to establish things like what sort of browser he uses, whether any passwords are stored. You may find cookies or passwords although if he's IT aware they won't be there. If you find nothing, will you believe it?

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 19-Jun-13 13:28:20

Even if you find nothing at all - even if you find concrete evidence that he's sworn an oath of celibacy - you won't trust him. That's when you know it's dead

SickOfYourShit Wed 19-Jun-13 13:33:15

Betrayed is right. Need an email account to set up the iPhone.

rainbowfeet Wed 19-Jun-13 13:34:11

You automatically have to set up an email acc on an iPhone.... Called icloud so you can receive messages from apple. But it can also be used like any other email account.

TheOrchardKeeper Wed 19-Jun-13 13:36:47

just to'd be well within your rights to leave if this feeling of distrust and uncertainty gets too much for you anyway. You don't behave the way he behaved full stop, whether you're having a affair or 'just' dirty talking to other people.

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