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made a plan and getting out, please help me do it!

(125 Posts)
takingalongwalk Tue 18-Jun-13 19:44:18

I've made a plan to leave emotionally abusive husband. Have somewhere to stay and all the support I could ask for, but I'm terrified! Please could people tell me their success stories to motivate me to go through with this?

Babycino81 Tue 18-Jun-13 19:50:57

Hi, I work in social care and with a lot if women who haven't (yet) got the strength to make these moves. My current boss is a real inspiration; left her violent and emotionally abusive husband taking their four kids and left a beautiful big house to live in a family centre and went to university and became qualified. She now runs a team of forty people and has four fabulous and successful adult children, and the most amazing fashion sense ever; when offered laser treatment for the (very bad) scarring on her face, she refused and said it was to remind her not to ever look back. You need o think, many women make this decision every day and succeed in protecting themselves and their children, I hope you're one of them. Good luck whatever you choose x

takingalongwalk Tue 18-Jun-13 19:52:04

thank you thanks

Babycino81 Tue 18-Jun-13 20:00:11

You can do it, be strong and make your move when the time is right for you. Be selfish and make the decisions based on what suits you're future, not others. Xxx

Flobbadobs Tue 18-Jun-13 20:28:29

I have no experience, just a thought for you though.
There will be people up and down the country who click on your post and willing you on, sending you strength to do what you need to do.
I'm one of them smile Good Luck and stay safe flowers

Hissy Tue 18-Jun-13 22:17:44

Me too, scariest thing I ever did, but oh my god so worth it!

When you are the others side of this, you'll wonder what kept you, amd actually how easy it was really!

I promise you, you will never, ever regret leaving an abusive man.

piratecat Tue 18-Jun-13 22:20:14

great post flobbadobs.

sending you strength and blessings xx

Mintyy Tue 18-Jun-13 22:21:01

Why are you terrified?

MNiscold Tue 18-Jun-13 22:24:44

Another one here supporting you!! Go for it. You have no idea yet of the good things that will happen to you. Get a journal and each evening take 10 minutes to write down the good things that happen each day; you'll be amazed.
Who said "Courage is not lack of fear. It is being afraid and acting anyway." I don't remember, but it's a good one.

bigbuttons Tue 18-Jun-13 22:25:11

I did it last year. I wish to God I had done it sooner. yes it was scary and confusing. It has taken me a year to get back the me I lost when with abusive ex. You will not regret it. It's ok to be scared too.

StringBeanJean Tue 18-Jun-13 22:25:24

Flobbadobs is right - I clicked on your thread and am willing you on.

It's hard. One of the hardest things you'll ever do. I did it and it was really hard. But I've never regretted it once. In fact, I relish my wonderful freedom and am grateful everyday that I don't have to answer to him any more.

Just one last little step OP - good luck, I'm willing you on.

YoniBottsBumgina Tue 18-Jun-13 22:28:53

I did it too. Holding your hand. 3 and a half years later, my life has changed beyond belief. I am a million times more confident, I have totally retrained and now have actual career plans(!), I feel like me again, I look like me again! I have a wonderful new relationship with someone who is so gentle and respectful but also strong, loving, supportive, admires me (me!) - we even have plans to move abroad which I never in a million years would have has the courage to do before.

Even apart from that the small things - doing my hair how I want, having my house how I want, not having to face criticism, bringing DS up how I want. XP has gone through a string of disastrous relationships and business deals and remains a sad, ageing loser, whilei am happier even in the hard times than I ever was with him.

RabbitFromAHat Tue 18-Jun-13 22:30:35

Holding your hand here from abroad too. You are SO brave! It might be hard, but it will never be harder than staying would be. And it has the potential to make your life so much better, which staying with him never could.

Hang in there. So much joy and freedom awaits.

anotherworriedfriend Tue 18-Jun-13 22:33:30

My friend's struggling with finding the strength to leave, so very sad.

Your post has really cheered me up.

Good luck, and, thank you. x

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Tue 18-Jun-13 22:37:44

Holding your hand - you can do this, you really can.

I can't give you a personal story - but what I can tell you is that there's thread after thread after thread of women needing support while they do this (which they get in bucket loads smile) and not a single one of them has regretted doing it.

You have all the people who post on your thread and easily 10 times that amount who lurk and don't post - willing you on & sending you strength.

You can do this

jayho Tue 18-Jun-13 22:38:31

For me, there was no plan, everything came to a horrible crisis, I wish I 'dhad a Plan, I wish I was you flowers

beginnings Tue 18-Jun-13 22:38:43

Good luck takingalongwalk. We're all with you.


SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots Tue 18-Jun-13 22:42:38

You have a plan. You will be grand, more than fine.
Flobadobs has it spot on.
Best wishes.

WhiteBirdBlueSky Tue 18-Jun-13 22:49:08

Actually leaving wasn't the hard part for me. The hard part was making the decision. Have you told him? When are you moving out?

WhiteBirdBlueSky Tue 18-Jun-13 22:52:40

I read 'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway'. Cheesy smile, but it worked.

It explains really well that feeling afraid isn't a good reason not to do something.

bountyicecream Tue 18-Jun-13 22:59:09

Lets hold hands and do it together takingalongwalk I'm at the same stage. All set up with somewhere to go, supportive friends and family. Just need to make that big leap into the unknown and trust that the parachute will open.

So lets take a deep breath and jump .....

catkin14 Tue 18-Jun-13 23:06:33

Adding my support too!
I left my EA H just over 3 months ago.
At first it was awful despite being free at last.
But you just have to take a day at a time, remember that although you may feel down one day, the next could be fine, and hold on hard to the happy days!
Whatever you do dont feel sorry for your H, make sure you have good legal advice and only believe that, not what H tries to get you to believe.
As many have told me on this board, you are entitled to be happy! I think when you are in an EA relationship its very easy to loose sight of that, and of yourself because you are always trying to make the EA happy or everything ok for them in order to avoid the abuse.
You can do it!

takingalongwalk Wed 19-Jun-13 07:46:44

thanks so much for all your messages. bounty lets do it together.
I'm not planning on telling him I'm leaving as he wouldn't let me, I'm going to leave when he is at work and leave a note.
minty, I'm scared of his reaction, I feel very responsible for him for various reasons, seperating him and DD as they adore eachother, scared I will want to go back.
Doesn't help that he is being really nice at the moment.

foolonthehill Wed 19-Jun-13 07:56:54

I left October 2011...we're so much better now even though he has not let go (yet)

you will be ok
and don;t be tempted to tell him before you go....much safer that way

Lweji Wed 19-Jun-13 08:29:20

Very quickly, done that, sadly in a hurry with no plan, but definitely worth it.
I only regret not leaving earlier and the times I gave him other chances.

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