My mother dislikes my DP.
We have been together 2 years, engaged for 6 months. I've always known that he earns less than my parents would have liked, but ultimately I thought they liked him. They said they did.
My mother is very controlling, and I am well aware that I seek her approval for everything, she knows this too. Therefore, even though I am 27 she has a lot of influence. This is definitely partly my own fault.
When my DP proposed my first thought was that my mum would not approve. It was literally my first thought, as he was on one knee with a ring. I've cried about this a lot since and only told one person in RL. Then he said everyone at home already knew and I cried in relief (he thinks it's because I was touched that he asked my dad). My parents said they were happy, we had wedding discussions.
My DP and I both live at home. I am buying a house and we are going to live together. There is a difference in earnings and savings, hence I am buying the house. My parents have been fine with this for the last 10 weeks. I am a week away from completion and they have turned against my DP and have decided he's only with me for my money.
I have been good at saving, he has not. I went to university and I have a good career. I earn above the average wage, but it's by no means megabucks. I'm not going to paint myDP as a saint, he's a postman and currently works 29 hours a week, so technically not full time. He does need to pull his finger out and get a full time job. My mother has always known this, he's not hidden anything from them.
For the past 2 days I have been subjected to a torrent of venom from my mother about my DP. He's using me, he doesn't love me, I'll never be able to afford to have children and if I do they will be little chavs, they wanted better for me, I can do better blah blah blah.
They say he doesn't show me affection and our relationship is not normal. My DP is very uncomfortable around my parents because they've never hidden that they don't think he's good enough. So he isn't himself around them.
My mother wants me to find a man who earns enough that I can retire at 30 to have babies like she did. Never mind that my DP is warm, caring, trustworthy, funny, makes me feel loved and safe. She only sees the lack of pound signs.
I've had this none stop during breakfast this morning and for nearly an hour after I came home from work. Work was actually 10 hours of blessed relief.
I know they want what's best for me but this is making me miserable. I feel like any second she's going to hiss and spit at me that I have to choose. She said this morning that any inheritance will go to my children not me "because he's not getting any of it, so there's no use waiting for us go die". She can be very hurtful. It's not the money, it's they attitude behind this that upsets me.
The worst part is that she keeps saying that he doesn't love me and he's using me, so much that I'm starting to wonder, what if it is true? I've never doubted DP loves me and I don't think money has anything to do with that.
Sorry this is so long, I dont mind if nobody reads or replies,It was good just to get it out. I dont have any close friends and I can't talk to DP about it, I cant say all this hurtful shit to him.
I just don't know what to do.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Help me, my heart is breaking
mamadrama1986 · 17/06/2013 21:57
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