He's left me

[Ls271082]

Hi guys,

I posted about a month ago regarding my ex leaving me -

My bf off a year and half has just left me stating I can't give him what he needs and gone back to his ex wife. By this he means talking to my ex husband (who I was married to previously for 4 years) about selling the house we own together. He says I've never picked him over my ex and I've begged and pleaded with him, saying I love him, it's him I want and I will have the conversation when I'm ready. But it's not enough. I told him I haven't done it yet because of pregnancy (25weeks) and don't want the stress of all that and I'm also struggling with prenatal depression (on medication and receiving psychiatric support weekly) so just have not felt able to deal with sorting out house, finances. Have explained this to bf and rightly so I guess, he just stated 'what was your excuse before you we're pregnant'. He says he knows I'm not holding on because I want ex husband back but has left anyway saying he's sad he's wasted a year and half of his life with me, neglecting his own son (from previous marriage). Am totally heartbroken, he's always going on about how stress can cause ADHD etc in unborn children and he's gone ad caused me the most stress ever. He's not blocked my mobile number, blocked fb and twitter and completely cut me out of his life. I'm devastated. Crying non stop, I don't want to spk/see anyone and can't see how I'll ever get over this. Friends have said focus on pregnancy and doing best by her, but can't cope with life atm. He's finished with me countless times but never gone back to ex or blocked me etc and I've always took him back. I just really want him back.


Well we've been texting over the last few weeks, just light friendly chit chat resulting in a telephone conversation where he asked if I'd had 'the conversation' with my ex. I have had 'the conversation' and ex and I have decided to rent out our old martial home rather than selling it. Told this to ex bf and he went mental saying I didn't want to cut the cord with ex husband and despite my protests stating I'm not longer with him, we're separated, and I love him and want him, he wouldn't listen. He just carried on ranting and then ended the conversation. About 15 min later he text saying

There's no light at the end of this tunnel of mine, it now seems. Let's see where we all are in a year, shall we? Have a nice w/e, enjoy it the best you can. x. Then Then, like I say, see you are in a year (Back with ex hub , surely not) and then what the landscape looks like for those not on the inside. x.

I responded with

No Light end of tunnel, why cos my house isn't up for sale? That I'm not with my husband any more, that I've sorted out my forthcoming house and baby plans with my ex husband? Feels all ridiculous that I've just said I want us to be closer, want to share things, you be major part of my life, was plucking up the courage to ask if you'd come to my next scan and appointment with me because i want you to be part of this with me. That I'm being honest despite knowing it would piss you off (can't win really can I? Don't tell you you're pissed off, do tell you and am honest - get dumped!). Stupid me. As for have a nice weekend, sure it'll be fucking brilliant. Bloke I love just told me he doesn't want us to try. Great. Happy fucking weekend

Ive never spoken to him like this before, ive always pandered to him and grovelled and said im sorry. wish i had now as He then just text back saying forget it and we're over and he wants nothing to do with me anymore.

Honestly and please be honest is this my fault, I'm so desperately upset, crying and depressed. Can't spk to anyone I'm so alone and worried about the awful thought in my head, feel like I can't carry on.

[Selba]

He's gone back to his wife ? Then there's nothing to discuss, surely.
Sorry you are feeling so low. Hope you move on from this soon

[kalidanger]

It's not your fault. He's arranged it so you can't ever be right or say or do the right thing. You couldn't win this one, either by pandering or being subservient.

Looks like he was after an excuse to withdraw from you and the baby, sorry

[Hardhaton]

I'm sorry your going thro this but by what you have told me he was just looking for an excuse to leave anyway. It's nothing to do with him if you sell your x home or not.

[Xales]

He left you pregnant a month ago to get back with his wife.

He is now asking if you have done what he wanted you to do. Something you were not ready to do. You have made other arrangements which will not see a final severing of your connection with your exH and a nice big lump of cash in your pocket for him. This is why he is pissed off because you haven't done what he wanted you to do. Everything has to be on his terms.

I don't mean to sound cruel however he dumped you a month ago for his wife. If I remember right he blocked your ability to contact him.

So why are you still having cosy chats with him? He is fucking with your head.

Block any method he has of contacting you including changing your number if that is what it takes and cut this waste of space out of your life.

[LEMisdisappointed]

The way i understand your post, its a bit muddled, understandable as you are distressed, is this:

You had left your ex, met this guy, got together, but you wouldn't talk to your ex about selling the house (for whatever reason it may not have been practical) so he went back to his wife, leaving you carrying his child?

Yuck - he wanted the money :( It seems to jump out at me.

Vile vile man - i know it doesn#t seem like it but the best thing he could do for you is leave and never come back. Block HIM from your life, focus on your baby and a new life for yourselves. Ensure you have financial security re the house but forget this creep of a man. I feel sorry for his wife too.

[Ls271082]

He just keeps saying I've never picked him over my ex hub, that I can't cut the ties I have with him but I've left him, we own a house together yes, but it's financial, I don't live there, I don't spk to him, I have my own live. Why is that so difficult to convey, why doesn't he believe I love him. Last night I got in a state and text this

I'll try really hard not to text anymore as i know you don't want to spk or have anything else to say. I never wanted it to end this way, never wanted it to end at all. But if it had to not like this. I wish you believed me about how I feel about you and how much I wanted you and us to be. I never gave up hope of that despite of everything we'd be together and you'd want me. I wanted us so so much I feel totally crushed and if I'm honest ill. Today I can't see anyway out of this black hole I've been in for weeks but was kept going by hoping. Feel like now all your hope has now gone and I don't know what to do. I desperately want to hope you'll want me and need me like I do you, but at the same time dont want to hold on the false hope that it maybe because I need to go through this pain in the attempt to heal. I'm just so so sad. I wish you knew how I feel, I don't understand and feel so frustrated and angry with myself that I can't convey it to you in a way you'll listen or understand. My life isn't with ?!!? anymore what so ever. I wish you'd just listen and believe that. That I wanted us to be together. This probably sounds all so ridiculous as Im writing it whilst having a major crying and got myself in a state and probably should even be sending you this, I just don't know what to do with myself right now. I'm making myself sadder and sadder I guess thinking that I won't be able to share things with you, tell you things, you won't know im in labour or when I've had the baby and we'll never be a family and i wont be able to talk to about you things anymore. i really wanted to you to love me the way I love you. I'm sorry x please don't text back anything horrible, I feel so shit right now anyway x

Had no reply

[desperateforaholiday]

Just focus on yourself and your baby, you don't need that man child in your life.

[MaBumble]

Really sorry that you have been let down so badly like this, but to be honest you will look back and see what a lucky escape you had. He KNOWS that you are not with your ex, that you won't be with your ex and that renting the house out is a sensible financial decision.

But it's not one that suits him. So he buggers off back to his poor wife. Who he obviously kept hanging on the whole time he was with you. He's a hypocrite, a cheat and a wannabe cocklodger from what I can see.

Do not have any more contact with him. You can do this. Block him, delete his number, get some control back.

[tribpot]

You posted a couple of weeks ago.

Stop begging the prick to come back - can't you tell he's feeding off your desperation? Focus on yourself and your baby and forget this utter wanker. You should never be in a position to describe your relationship as ive always pandered to him and grovelled and said im sorry. Christ! That is no way to live.

[AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore]

I have to agree with the other posters. He sounds horrible. Consider it a lucky escape and let him stay with his wife.

[Earthworms]

You keep telling him about love. He wanted the cash.

That's why he's cross.

You aren't a shag with free £££££ if you haven't sold the house. So he fucked off back to the ex.


You had a bloody luck escape. IMO.

[Tweasels]

Am I right in thinking he left his wife for you?

[Ls271082]

Yes left her for me x

[KeepCoolCalmAndCollected]

I think he sees you as being very weak and vulnerable and is trying to take great advantage of you.

Do you honestly think it's you he's interested in or the equity in your house?

Agree with others that he's a complete hypocritical arsehole - living with his ex-wife indeed. Just think about that one very carefully, yep he's picking his ex over you.

Out of interest, in financial terms, what could he bring to the table? Think I already know the answer to that one - a big fat zero. (Wouldn't surprise me if he was riddled with debt?).

It's time for you to wake up now and smell the coffee.

[AnAirOfHope]

Sweet heart read this thread back, all of it and tell me what you see from it?

Do you think he loves you?

Do you think this is the way you treat someone carrying your baby?

Do you think if you told him you have sold the house and got £ in the bank, he would be back to spend it?

Is it his baby you are carrying?

[AnAirOfHope]

Most important Do you think you shold settle for someone that treats you like this when pg and needing their support?

He falls so much below of what you need and deserve. You need to detact and look after yourself and baby.

Read the red flag threads on here and see if he has showen any.
Do you respect yourself enough to tell him you no longer care and you are not intrested in him?

[AnAirOfHope]

Also the house is yours to do with what is best for you. No loving person would expect you to do anything that puts you at a financial disadvantage. No person that loves you would make you feel bad for not listening to their opioin. No person that loves you would go back to his wife but find a place of his own.

Did he pay child mainance for the year and a half?
Did he have regular contact with his son?
Is he planning on seeing and paying for the child with you?

[Ls271082]

Don't know. Can't imagine he'll want to see baby, he doesn't want to come to the next scan.

I maybe being naive but I don't think it's about the money, I think he means it when he says I won't cut ties with my ex but as far as I am concerned I have, despite co owning the house. We're separated now and will at some point get divorced

[Xales]

You can't see the irony and hypocrisy in the man who left you because you won't get rid of a house you co own which is your only tie with your ex to go back to his ex?

[MaBumble]

OP, its totally about the money. What use is the equity in the house if its tied up and he can't touch it? I'm guessing that he has no assets? or any he has he's looking at having to split with his wife who is looking after his other child. Do they own a house together? if so he may not see any equity out of that until the child is 18. He thinks you owe him.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I'm with Xales on the irony and hypocrisy. Can't you see it's all a massive excuse? He wants to go back to his wife so he's making up a load of rubbishy reasons that blame you rather than tell the truth and face the music. He is the one that hasn't 'cut ties' with his ex...... not you. Sorry he turned out to be such a lying shit....

[morethanpotatoprints]

Ok, Op.

I am really sorry it hasn't worked out for you and this man because you loved him so much. He obviously didn't love you as he took the first opportunity to go back to his wife.
You don't need this man in your life and i also think he was after the money. You will do yourself no favours until you delete him out of your life completely. You are having his baby and he doesn't seem to be in the slightest bit interested. Most men if not thrilled immediately soon become supportive and close to their dp. he is no use OP and others are right, You will soon see him doing you a favour by going. However, you won't see this until he is out of your life completely.
Come on OP don't be a victim, delete him and concentrate on your pregnancy and future birth, You can do it.

[badinage]

I was on your last thread and you had the same messages on that one.

This has got nothing to do with your ex at all. He must have been wheedling his way back into his wife's affections for quite some time to have been allowed to move back in, so what we've got here is this:

A bloke who left his wife for you because he thought the grass was greener, but who realised it wasn't when real life intruded on fantasy and you weren't the exciting OW any longer, but a normal (and pregnant) woman. At which point he resumed his relationship with his wife and as soon as he managed to con her into thinking he was a reformed character, rather than tell you the truth decided to project his own behaviour on to you.

It is him who was always hung up on his 'ex' - not you.

Lord alone knows why either of you women want to touch this bloke with a bargepole, but your best bet now is to give him up as a lost cause as a partner and to tie him into paying for the child he's conceived.

FGS don't get involved in a wrestling match with his wife over who has more 'rights' to be with such an inadequate loser. Have some pride and learn the same lesson that many OW and wives before you have had to.

These men are no prizes to be fought over. Let them go.

[Beckamaw]

I agree with the others.
He's saying that you have to prove that you have cut ties with your ex, who you have nothing to do with, while he is BACK WITH HIS EX???
What the actual fuck is this?

Money. He wants the bloody money.
I am just so very pleased that you haven't made a whole load of cash available to him. Good grief woman - this is atrocious!

Who has been paying for what during your relationship? I imagine there is more to find here.

I'm so sorry you are in this heartbreaking situation. You have obviously seen some wonderful qualities in this man, but the facts do speak for themselves. He is not half the person that you deserve.
Please seek some help through your GP. I think it may be useful in helping you cope, and reevaluate the situation.

I promise you, we can't all be wrong. In fact, the least desirable outcome would be his return.