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Drip like men?

(19 Posts)
Fairyloo Sat 15-Jun-13 18:52:26

When does being nice and amenable stop and they turn positively drippy?

Started seeing someone a few months ago. He is really nice, too nice is that possible? He is just so amenable, no real opinions on stuff. Goes with the flow. Do everything I say??

Am I too picky? Is it good he is so nice? Better then abusive ex but sometimes I think man bloody up!!

BlackDahlia11 Sat 15-Jun-13 19:08:09

For some women, that kind of guy might be perfect. Personally, not for me. I was with a doormat boyfriend who was scared of his own shadow. Nice enough but god did I get bored. We were content enough I guess, but I became less attracted to him over the years because he wouldn't stand up for himself at times that called for it.

DH has balls and stands up for himself and me when needed. That's the kind of guy I need. (Not to be mistaken with an asshole. Having balls and being an asshole are two different things).

Hate doormats, hate bad boys. Happy medium suits me smile

It sounds like this guy just isn't compatible for what you want in a relationship. Nothing wrong with either of you, you just may be better suited to different people.

meditrina Sat 15-Jun-13 19:10:46

Difficult to say. If he's utterly passive, then it might be a problem - do you want to be the initiator of just about everything?

It's like the Three Bears and the Porridge - it can be either too hot, too cold, or just right.

BlackDahlia11 Sat 15-Jun-13 19:17:21

Fuck that is a succinct way of putting it meditrina! Better than my garbled response.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 15-Jun-13 21:13:27

Second bloke I've read about today that is waiting for a spine donor... hmm Once went out with a man who's stock answer to anything requiring a decision was 'whatever you'd like dear''. Which restaurant ... whatever I'd like. Weekend destination... whatever I'd like. Had no opinions of his own and hung on my every word. He annoyed the crap out of me!!!!! I want a partner that occasionally relieves me of the responsibility of daily life, shows some initiative, a bit of spontaneity and gumption ffs.

Leave this damp rag behind...

Fairyloo Sun 16-Jun-13 08:35:13

Yep I think he is a drip but surely that's better then an abusive arse

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 16-Jun-13 08:47:41

Not at all. What you want is more important than keeping someone else happy... always. That applies whether the relationship is abusive or not. If this man is not what you want, no matter how nice he is, it's never going to make you happy and will probably end up as resentment. Life is too short to settle for something that's not right.

Fairyloo Sun 16-Jun-13 08:49:30

Too nice though is a shit reason and there are do many gits out there.


bragmatic Sun 16-Jun-13 08:54:37

There is a difference between being nice and being insipid. He sounds a bit like the latter.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 16-Jun-13 09:00:13

Bottom line is, if it's wrong, it's wrong and you don't have to provide big reasons why. There doesn't have to be some big crisis. Nothing terrible has to happen. 'It's not working for me' is all the reason you need.

meditrina Sun 16-Jun-13 09:05:07

One thing to consider, though: how long since end of relationship with abusive ex? It is possible, that if you are fairly newly away from that, and especially if you were in an abusive relationship for a long time, that you're perception of men is still a bit off.

That doesn't make this man right for you right now. But dating is about learning about individual men, and also your individual and developing requirements and desires. Even if you decide he is irredeemably wetter an a fish's wet bits, rather than just laid back.

differentnameforthis Sun 16-Jun-13 11:39:57

Too nice can be a warning too though, no? Perhaps he has something to hide & being overly nice on dates is how he lures you in.

Perhaps under the veneer he isn't too nice at all. Trying to hard, is what I think I am trying to say!

I hope it makes sense!

Triumphoveradversity Sun 16-Jun-13 11:42:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ALittleStranger Sun 16-Jun-13 11:58:42

Niceness isn't blankness. This man doesn't sound nice, he just sounds dull. Nice would be saying "I really want to do X, but you want to do Y and you've had a tough week so let's do Y".

TheOrchardKeeper Sun 16-Jun-13 16:17:29

My mum wasted ages with someone too nice. Years in fact. She felt like it wasn't good enough justification.

It will slowly drive you mad.

LondonBus Sun 16-Jun-13 16:25:58

It would drive me mad very, very fast.

startlife Sun 16-Jun-13 16:29:03

Maybe I'm cynical but I don't believe anyone is nice all the time as anger/frustration/sadness etc are basic emotions.My H was like this, everyone would describe him as amenable and 'nice'.The reality is he has passive aggressive behaviours which are only just coming to the surface.

However I think if early on in the relationship he appears boring then its time to implies you are settling and life is too short for that!

McBalls Sun 16-Jun-13 16:36:48

Well stop thinking that he's just too nice for a start.

Being dull, weak, passive and lacking in any real character is nothing to do with how nice a person is.

TheOrchardKeeper Sun 16-Jun-13 17:10:11

True. When i say nice i mean he was just very passive, not very interested in anything, wet with us as kids, left everything up to my mum.

Wouldn't have bothered some people but it's not for everyone. And what seems like a small issue now will soon be a mountain of an issue further down the line.

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