Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I'm in pieces,,,Please give me your opinion on this Email from STBXH....

(87 Posts)
shadesofwhite Fri 14-Jun-13 18:31:51

I'm a complete emetional wreck and I'm in a womens refuge with my DD. I emailed STBXH and told him I'm not oppossed to him having contact with our DD however it has to be done through the court. Mind you I was given an ultimatum by SS after a series of DV reported by police, HV, GP and concerned friends and family members "to leave him or have DD taken to foster care". This is the reply I got..
Though I have had a daughter whom I love and I have not been able to enjoy her during much of her the infant years; to spend time with her and appreciate her wonderful company and give her my genuine love at this time; I know plainly and clearly that this was never my making, choice or desire.  I do not merit to be told that I love and care for her by anyone in this world... And further since you feel it is your prerogative to keep her like your own possession, you can carry on doing so - I will not make any claim or plead in any way. Just know one thing, in all my life, I will never attend any court session to place my signature on any document or contract, to bequeath the rights of my own child to the state, to have any state body decide if or when I can have the privilege and opportunity to see DD. I will not be complicit to any such arrangement by a (edited racist word) judge in this land, to have the impudence of claiming to grant me authority or access to my own flesh and blood. She is our daughter, however, if you see it fit to keep her away from me, please carry on doing so but know that I will never attend any court to plead or beg for my own rights as a father. We are her sole parents and she deserves to see her father as much as you but nevertheless if you feel that her life solely belongs to you alone, then by all means keep her away from me, as you have.  I will not request, beg or ask for that which is my right... NEVER, not from anyone!

Its upsetting me a lot and everytime I look at DD my eyes are flooded with tears, this man doesn't have a heart at all. Please help me not feel sorry for taking DD away from him .He a proud arrogant narcsist. Suggestions for reply to this email are much appreciated.

DiaryOfAWimpyMum Fri 14-Jun-13 18:34:12

Why would you reply to that?

I would ignore it tbh. If SS have warned you to stay away you are doing what you need to, if I were you I would cut contact with him altogether

Bluestocking Fri 14-Jun-13 18:34:39

You poor thing. I hope you and your DD are OK in the refuge. Re the email, I'm not sure I understand. Is he saying he won't try and have contact? If he's as bad as he sounds, I would have thought you'd be relieved. Can you explain a bit more?

oopsadaisymaisy Fri 14-Jun-13 18:35:15

I'm sorry you're going through this. Do not respond to the email. Just ignore it. He's being his usual abusive self. I hope you're ok.

Sh1ney Fri 14-Jun-13 18:37:00

Why would you reply to that whole heap of barely understandable nonsense? Trust me, far better to say nothing.

Reading between the lines he seems to be saying that moving forward he can't be arsed. It's better you know this now. Make sure you have a claim in with the CSA and write him off.

Locketjuice Fri 14-Jun-13 18:38:31

So he thinks that trying to turn it round.. Which by the way is plainly obvious..your daughter will never blame him for not seeing her?

It's bullshit op I wouldn't even respond.

Hope you and dd are ok x

Sh1ney Fri 14-Jun-13 18:38:32

Oh and you need to stop engaging with him. Show SS that you have definitely left him.

AnyFucker Fri 14-Jun-13 18:41:53

Quit all contact

Be thankful it appears he is justifying never seeing his DD in his own tiny fucked up mind

No young girl needs a prick like that in her life, shared genes or no shared genes

chateauferret Fri 14-Jun-13 18:42:16

That's an example of that Heretofore whereinafter whereas aforementioned bollocks isn't it? It means "I am an arse".

Concreteblonde Fri 14-Jun-13 18:42:41

He expects you to reply telling him that of course he is right and that he can see your child whenever he likes on his terms.

Ignore his email, do not reply.

lunar1 Fri 14-Jun-13 18:42:56

It sounds like you and your dd have had a lucky escape. I'm sorry he is putting you through this.

Walkacrossthesand Fri 14-Jun-13 18:45:40

He clearly thinks he's above the law, and should have unrestricted access to DD regardless of his violent anusive nature - so he's prepared to cut his nose off to spite his face and refuse to agree to any 'restricted-supervised' access. Stupid man. Show SS the email too, and treat it with the disdain it deserves. Certainly doesnt need a response. Ignore.

MNEdBlackpoolWiganandSalford Fri 14-Jun-13 18:46:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doinmummy Fri 14-Jun-13 18:48:33

That could have been written by my very abusive ex. Ignore ignore ignore.

tribpot Fri 14-Jun-13 18:51:13

Yes, I think his email is intended to be preserved for some future autobiography to demonstrate how he was so utterly outraged by the suggestion that the 'nanny state' be involved in his parenting that he chose to opt out entirely. Unfortunately as his grasp of the English language is about as poor as his ability to reason, I don't think the autobiography is going to be flying off the shelves.

No reply is possible to such a load of bollocks. Focus on writing your own story - free of this headfuckery and nonsense. Good luck.

EldritchCleavage Fri 14-Jun-13 18:52:09

Please help me not feel sorry for taking DD away from him

That is how he is framing the situation and how he wants you to see it not how it actually is.

All he has to do to see his daughter is engage with the court process. He is telling you he won't ever do that, and making out it is your fault. But his decisions and choices are not your fault. He can say it as much as he likes, it isn't true. He would rather sulk, punish, accuse and make drama than see his own child. What a complete loser.

TwllBach Fri 14-Jun-13 18:54:17

That could have been written by emotional abusive father, if my mother had had the courage to leave when I was young, right down to the barely coherent rambling and (incorrect) overuse of flowery language.

Fwiw OP, I'm 25 and my mother didn't leave until I was 22/23. He brought nothing to my life apart from low self esteem and a twisted way of looking at relationships - I would have much preferred my mother to do what you have done.

He's saying he doesn't want access. How olds your DD? She will not thank you for letting him see her. You've done the right thing by leaving - continue to do the best thing for her.

LittleFeileFooFoo Fri 14-Jun-13 18:57:07

He's a twat, I agree with others, don't respond, he's trying to blame you and the courts for him not seeing his daughter, when in reality, he doesn't want to see his daughter. Especially if he can't control her or use her to control you.

No response is the perfect response. And save the email to show to the Court if it does come up that he hasn't had contact and why.

Chubfuddler Fri 14-Jun-13 18:58:07

He's mad. It's provably been cut and pasted from some crazed Men's Rights Activist site where they all egg each other on to be the lone wolf and refuse to engage with the apparatus of the state.


Hassled Fri 14-Jun-13 18:58:21

What everyone else has said. You've done so, so well getting this far - it can't possibly have easy, but you've done it and you're safe. Please don't let this wanker make you feel bad all over again. If he doesn't want to go through the court process - well, that's his choice. It's not your fault.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Fri 14-Jun-13 19:01:52

Just do not engage any further with this man. You have no need to. Keep the email for proof for Court and do yourself a favour and dont contact him again.

ouryve Fri 14-Jun-13 19:02:14

Pass it on to anyone who needs to know (SS, for example) and don't engage with him. If this is the way he operates, then you're best off not communicating directly with him at all, as you know he will just twist every single word.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Fri 14-Jun-13 19:05:50

Sweetheart, he has clearly done a right number on you over the years.

If I got that, I would think 'thank fuck for that' and move on. Your DD does not need that arsewipe in her life and neither do you.

KEEP it somewhere safe, share it with anyone who needs to see it, but don't let the original out of your sight and move on with your and your DD's lives.

Scruffey Fri 14-Jun-13 19:05:54

Ignore but keep it to show to people (eg SS, HV, court).

He is barely literate!

AmberLeaf Fri 14-Jun-13 19:07:47

chateauferret sounds like it yes.

Ignore it OP.

It is rambling nonsense coming from someone who is trying to blame anyone else but himself for his predicament.

You see how you are feeling right now? that is exactly what he wanted you to feel like.

He is still trying to control you.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now