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DP has declared he can't look past my weight the way he could when we got together

(184 Posts)
WatchingTheRainFallInBlackpool Fri 14-Jun-13 10:39:43

NCed for this as think a couple of the school mums might know I'm on here.

Dp's working away from home at the moment which does make me think perhaps he says things he doesn't mean at times, but he's been coming out with more and more things like this recently and it's getting harder to just dismiss it as him being tired. His latest 'fault' is that he didn't mind my weight too much when we first got together, but he does now. If anything I think I'm lighter now than I was a few years ago- I think. He thinks I'm lazy and not disciplined enough and I'm not making enough effort for him- he works away a lot and sometimes I think he expects to come home to perfection- perfectly tidy house, etc. I'm not sure what I'm asking really, just came to a head last night and I don't want to tell anyone in RL, my family think he's fab (which he normally is).

BriansBrain Mon 17-Jun-13 00:16:06

Love your mum

chipmonkey Mon 17-Jun-13 00:16:28

Bullies in school will find something to tease you over, they will find something you're sensitive about and tease you whether or not it's actually true.
Same as bullies at home.
You can't, can't be fat at a size 8-10. You remind me of me when I was 24. I moaned to everyone that I was fat and wore clothes to disguise my belly. And now, looking at the photos of me in a bikini, I look really thin, with maybe just a teeny-tiny belly. I would give anything to look like that now!

captainmummy Mon 17-Jun-13 08:35:37

I Watched 'White Chicks' the other day on telly - now that is a movie that HATES women! All those skinny, skinny blondes squealing about their 'fat', their 'cellulite', their 'flabby' bits. Watch it, Rain and you'll see how ridiculous they are (made to look), and how ridiculous he is being to make you feel like that.

I'm 5.4" and a size 10, so similar to you. No way would anyone call me fat. And if they did, it's a problem they have, not me, or YOU.

And agree, bullies will find something; fat, eyebrows, bucky teeth, ginger hair - there is always something about yourself that they can go for. Again, that is their problem.

Januarymadness Mon 17-Jun-13 09:36:10

When you say all your finances are separate and the house is in your name, am I to take from that that he was not any old utter shit, he was a cocklodging utter shit at that?

pointythings Mon 17-Jun-13 18:31:20

grin at January

WatchingTheRainFallInBlackpool Mon 17-Jun-13 19:29:12

We never got round to putting the house in both our names, rather glad we didn't now. Partly because we haven't been living together too long in the general scheme of things, because of him working away, me working away etc. Joint account is only really used for gas bill etc, I've cancelled my payment into that.

His mum is trying to convince me to take him back and has promised to 'talk to him' hmm Not happening.

Thanks captainmummy, I'll have a look. Thanks everyone for your support, I do realise I must sound like a self obsessed teenager blush I am aware I'm not huge, just really loathe the fat bit at the moment. My mum thinks I'm being ridiculous.

Jux Tue 18-Jun-13 08:22:58

It's an area that you have a sensitivity about; fair enough. Mostly you don't worry about it, and your mum has had a part in that, in your accepting of it. At the moment you are more sensitive about it, I suspect mainly - or wholly - due to your ex.

Your mum is trying to pull you back into where you were before he started on you, I think. It's exactly how my mum would have gone about it, too. I'm not entirely sure how helpful it is, but it would have given me a dose of reality and perspective, or that would have been her intention. wink

There will be fall-out from your split, inevitably. Your intellect is telling you what your mum is telling and your emotions are telling you what your ex (and those school bullies) told you.

I also think that if your ex hadn't picked on this then he would have found something else. Easy to say don't carry him with you for the rest of your life, but you do want to shed his malign influences, along with him!

diddl Tue 18-Jun-13 08:35:54

I think he wants out now that you're going to have a daughter to look after tbh.

Glad you've ended it-she's more important.

colditz Sun 07-Jul-13 17:56:12

Lol you win

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