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Been told by a young colleague today that people don't date now

(57 Posts)
Sherbert37 Thu 13-Jun-13 23:36:26

Colleague in his late 20s was telling me how people go straight to fooling around in bed or having sex, then text and flirt after and never really date now. Is this really true? Would a 40 year old man expect that too or are the generations so different? Colleague couldn't believe I hadn't been out with anyone since my marriage broke up several years ago. I can't imagine doing what he described. Gulp!

Sherbert37 Sun 16-Jun-13 11:00:08

Scruffey, that pretty much sums up my thoughts. I would be horrified if my three did that (and I really don't think they would), so why would I?

Scruffey Sun 16-Jun-13 10:40:52

I think that going straight to bed is fine in the scenario that there is a bunch of young people who are friends and a pair of them hook up. Point being that they already know each other. Or a friend of a friend.

However I don't think going straight to bed with a complete stranger you have just met is advisable. Someone you know nothing about etc, I don't like the idea of that and will advise my dcs not to do this.

YoungBritishPissArtist Sun 16-Jun-13 10:38:36

I don't remember people using the term 'dating' in the 90s and early 00s, it was 'going out with' or 'seeing' each other. I'm 34.

Do British people date in the same way Americans do?

WeAllHaveWings Sun 16-Jun-13 10:18:17

My niece is 20 and dates first for a couple/few weeks, so do most of her friends. She's had 3 longer relationships of 9-12 months and a few snogs/dates in between.

Dating is still happening (here in Scotland anyway!)

HollyBerryBush Sun 16-Jun-13 10:18:13

Would a 40 year old man expect that too or are the generations so different?

I think it depends on the man. We have a friend (46) who joined a dating site, he was absolutely horrified at the amount of women who put out within an hour of meeting him. He simply isn't like that, he'd rather know someone before that level of intimacy. He just thought the whole online thing was a shagfest so went up the more traditional methods of meeting real people through friends.

MadBusLady Sun 16-Jun-13 10:17:17

Also, 16yos never know as much as they say they do grin

MadBusLady Sun 16-Jun-13 10:15:47

I don't think there's any such thing as a right or wrong way, only right or wrong men. You can carefully and formally "date" a twat or fall straight into bed with an amazing man - I know, done both! I don't think you should feel compelled to choose one path though, as CitizenOscar says, a mix may be appropriate, depending on what feels comfortable with a particular man. Have fun smile

DanceInColour Sun 16-Jun-13 10:14:13

I'm 22 and me and DP went on a few dates before reaching the fooling around in bed stage though we did a fair bit of practice snogging first wink

Then again we had worked together for a few months already so had got to know each other a bit anyway.

Sherbert37 Sun 16-Jun-13 10:04:28

Yes but I did everything the 'right' way, to the letter and still found myself alone after 20 years of marriage. Despite having 3 kids, I have less knowledge in this area than the average 16 year old today it would appear.

digerd Sun 16-Jun-13 06:40:25


Timetoask Sun 16-Jun-13 06:01:57

Is it a wonder why relationships don't last anymore?

Sherbert37 Sun 16-Jun-13 05:50:54

Wow more replies. Thanks everyone. Was brought up on a diet of Jane Austin etc and lived my twenties as if in a period novel. Sounds like it's time to go more Fifty Shades in my forties!

Jayne266 Sat 15-Jun-13 21:57:27

I met my DH when I was 20 and no we went on dates and everything. Am now 27.

CitizenOscar Sat 15-Jun-13 21:53:29

I'm in my mid-30s and all my single friends date. Some might also do casual shagging, but they do date.

I've done both in my time. Dated DH before getting together in my late 20s (and it was a blind date, through a mutual friend). Previous long term boyfriend I met at uni & we had sex first. In between I did a bit of both.

Do what you're comfortable with and you'll find someone on your wavelength. I think most people are happy either way so if you feel more comfortable with one rather than the other, anyone worth their salt will be happy with your approach.

Good luck grin

Trills Sat 15-Jun-13 21:47:18

Startail being married doesn't actually prevent you from going on a date. You should tell DH "don't plan anything from next Friday", then book a babysitter and a restaurant table and take him out!

(ou have to lead by example here - you can take him out as easily as he can take you out)

It's generally rather enjoyable, assuming you are married to someone whose company you like.

Trills Sat 15-Jun-13 21:45:13

I imagine your colleague is falling into the trap of thinking that "people I know don't do X" is the same as "people don't do X any more".

People who make sweeping generalisations are often wrong.

ThisIsMummyPig Sat 15-Jun-13 21:37:09

I did a combination of snogging people I vaguely knew when pissed, and seeing what happened, and meeting blokes in clubs, snogging, swapping numbers. I might take them home but never actually shagged them until I knew them.

I always considered the first date to be the time we met alone together after we had first snogged. (with the exception of DH - he brought his best mate!)

DoTheBestThingsInLifeHaveFleas Sat 15-Jun-13 21:32:46

Sorry, have haven't read whole thread. I am mid thirties and have NEVER been on a date. Been married twice and have 2 other LTR. Shagged them all first and then text and flirted and did it again. The married some, lived with some and others just let fizzle out. The fact I have been married twice by my late twenties speaks volumes about this method. If I was single now I would probably date, and if the man didn't like it, he wouldn't be the right one for me at this point of life. (DH I hung around with as a teenager and he was a good friend and even attended my first wedding. We were friends with benefits throughout our life before be we're a couple, so I guess I did at least know him pretty well before in a relationship). Good luck with your dating. Everyone is different and I think there are lots of people who like to date first.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Sat 15-Jun-13 21:28:07

Actually that us quite comforting to hear. I'm a single parent, can't afford bloody dates. Shagging someone I know sounds good. grin

WhiteBirdBlueSky Sat 15-Jun-13 21:20:20

I'm 42 and in my 20's 'dates' were something American teenagers did. We just 'got off' with one another and then 'went out'. Or not.

I don't think it's that much different now. Is it?

Tigerbomb Sat 15-Jun-13 20:55:04

According to my 24 year old daughter ... she and her peers see each other.. try before they buy and then decide if they are want to go out with each other.

I was gobsmaked.. then realised that's what I did when I split up with my Dexh.

digerd Sat 15-Jun-13 20:48:19

Minty 82.
Snogging on the sofa and going to the pub is what was called "courting" in the 60s. It was lovely - sigh. smile

brokenhearted55 Sat 15-Jun-13 20:34:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StuffezLaYoni Sat 15-Jun-13 20:34:07

All through my late teens and early 20's I got with people by falling into bed with them and seeing how it panned out. It was rubbish really though I am still friends with a lot of these people.
Now I'm not interested in all that and if I met someone nice, I'd want to do the whole "dates" thing. I still have the odd ONS but I've been single for years, so if I didn't my sex life would be non existent :-(

Minty82 Sat 15-Jun-13 20:32:15

Ha, no, because there were usually other people with us in the pub! DH and I genuinely didn't go out for an evening just the two of us till we'd already been living together a month! And I guess what I mean is I never went out on a romantic evening a deux with someone I hadn't at least already kissed - never had a speculative date!

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