I can't really believe I am writing this, it may be a bit of a mind dump, so please bear with me.
I have upset my husband again, but I am not sure why he gets so annoyed, a lot of it might be in my head, or my fault, I am just so confused and even writing this is making me feel cold all over because once it is out there, it can't be unsaid, can it? And I suspect I am going to look like an idiot here.
I will go with this morning as an example, please do say if you think I was at fault because I am not sure, I am finding it really hard to get things straight in my head these days.
So we got up, H got breakfast for DD. I got her school stuff ready, uniform, lunch etc. Then I got some stuff together to wrap a parcel that needs returning and is being collected at some time today. I sat down on the living room floor to sort it - a process that would take a total of 5 mins as I had prepared everything last night.
H came in to the room and started to shout at me for not having done it the night before, he says I never finish anything I start. I said that I had prepared everything last night and that all I had to do was wrap it, which I continued to do.
Then he got more irate and said I was taking up all the room in the living room and that was the space he uses to dress DD (who can dress herself as an aside) and that he had to work, and that I wasn't even dressed and he supposed I expected him to take her to school. We had discussed that last night and we were both going to take her. He said that I always change my mind and I am impossible to live with. Oh and that I am still taking up all the room (it is not a small room btw).
So I moved back and gave him some more space and he continued to shout and swear at me. Then as he walked past me he kicked a can of drink in to me, it didn't hurt but it was deliberate. Then started getting DD dressed still mumbling and swearing that I never do anything and that he has work to do (he works from home) and that now he has to take DD to school.
I cried a bit - embarrassingly, he didn't hurt me or anything, I was just so frustrated. Then I went upstairs to get dressed so I could take DD to school, after 5 mins he sent her up so I could fix her hair and shouted up the stairs that he knew I wasn't bothering to take her but couldn't I at least watch her for 10 mins so he could work. I was dressed and ready to go at this point.
Then I took DD down to take her to school and he shouted at me for changing my mind again, he is fed up with me and he can't be bothered with 'this' any more.
I was going to go and get a coffee and sit in the library after I had dropped her off so he could relax and get on with his work but I thought he might be pissed off if I stayed out without telling him where I was/when I would be back so I came home. He is ignoring me now.
God reading that back it probably is my fault, I expect I am rather annoying. I am also shit with money which I know pisses him off but I struggle to change, I do try but I always fall back in to bad habits.
Gah! please help me figure out how to sort this out, otherwise he's going to be pissed off with me all day.
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Help, advice please
MissAliceBand · 13/06/2013 09:40
YOur husband is an abusive shit. Bully, bully, BULLY 
What is most telling is your confusion 'these days'. HOw long has he been bullying you and picking on you? HOw does that relate to how confused you've been getting?
You don't have to be hit to be a victim of domestic abuse btw. I was never hit but the emotional, psychological, financial abuse was unbelievably bad. Not verbal abuse - verbal silence was how he did it.
But you're getting verbal abuse, then silent abuse. He is completely unpredictable, you don't know when (or why) he's going to have a go. You couldn't do what you wanted this morning - go to the library, chill out - because he'd have something to say about it, something to bully you about. Whatever you do, you can't predict whether he's going to have a go or not. None of it has any rhyme or reason.
What is also upsetting is that your daughter is witnessing all this. To be a witness to abuse is to be a victim of abuse 
I am considering it more and more tbh because I am not very happy.
BUT the idea of it fills me with horror because I don't think he would let me take DD, or leave the house. His parents are wealthy and would support him with good lawyers etc, I would be fucked on that score.
And generally he's really nice, everyone always says how charming he is and how lucky I am. Noone has ever seen him pissed off with me. I would have to do it all alone and that terrifies me.
Lots of things scare me, they never used to
This thread makes me so sad, you can see the damage done to your self esteem in every word you type.
You sound like a fabulous mother, trying to keep your daughter from seeing you retaliate to this sort of bullying, antagonistic behaviour and not allowing yourself to be inappropriately frustrated at her.
It reads like he has beat you down with constant character assassination and as mentioned above, even if you were the MOST annoying person in the world ( which from you descriptions of your behaviour couldn't sound further from the truth) you still deserve better than this.
There is little point continuing if you are both unhappy but I realise it is scary and difficult to walk away from what you know into an uncertain future. Only you know if your relationship has reached a point beyond repair/ how far your husband would go to fix it if he could see how his behaviour is affecting both you and your DD.
I wish you all the luck in the world, however you wish to go ahead and know that you are a much better woman and mother than your husband is making you feel. 
xxx
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I actually don't think he is happy. I would love to be able to help him, and used to believe that I could but I am slowly coming to the realisation that there is nothing I can do. And in fact I am probably making him more unhappy just by being around, he clearly doesn't like me, even if he does love me which he insists he does.
I am not sure about Womens Aid. He hasn't really done anything to me that I haven't deserved for winding him up.
Maybe councelling, though I am not sure how I could convince him. He is really private and gets cross if I even so much as mention details of our relationship to anyone else.
It's all such a mess
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