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I knew this day would come.. but is it too soon?

(79 Posts)
ProperStumped Thu 06-Jun-13 21:25:13

Namechanged for another post, but can't be arsed changing back.

I've just had a facebook conversation with DD, who's upstairs grin asking me whether she can go on a camping trip.... overnight.... in a couple of weeks with the gang of kids she knocks about with.

I am showing you the FB convo, partly because I am grin about it, and partly because I am shock about it

Her: oh yeah, sorry. right ok ive been invited to a camping trip with everyone. On the 22nd till the 23rd. And i know i asked a while ago, but you said "Ask me when your older". And i know you probably thought i never would, but sorry.

Me: Who is going? Who are you sharing a tent with? Where is it, and how are you getting there?

Her: Me, H, J, D, C, maybe C. Sharing a tent with the girls. Not decided on where it is yet. betweent wo local places. Getting dropped off or walking if its the second option

Me: Is there drink? Do any of you fancy each other? Tell me the truth.

Her: oh my god. no and no. except H and C.
and if there is drink, they havent told me and i wont be having any as i look like a fool. and it tastes rank

WWYD? She's a really sensible kid, trustworthy and I'm very proud of her. But is she too young? Is there going to be shenanigans?

She's 16 in November.

HappyAsASandboy Fri 07-Jun-13 07:17:44

I would say yes and send her off willingly. You think she is sensible and you have met and like her mates.

For what it's worth, I was going to mixed sex, minimally or non-supervised parties at 15. There wasnt much/any alcohol involved then, but by 16 there was and some people got pretty messy. Some people had sex too.

But it was brilliant fun, and we all looked out for each other. It never got so bad we needed to call for help, because we looked out for each other. When people had sex it was because they were in a relationship, were happy to do so, and were in a safe place at a mates house or camping with friends. IME there is no better place than local camping or mates houses to get all the risk taking, first-time sex, first-time drugs (if its going to happen) and drunken antics done. A teenager that had the freedom to do all those things in that safe, known environment will be far better equipped to cope with it all at university/in life, when suddenly the people are older and not so well known, the places are big cities and the houses of acquaintances.

I would let her go. I think it would be silly to start up a culture of 'doing things behind your back because you'll always say no' over a relatively harmless, controllable, local situation. She needs to know you won't always say no so that she keeps telling you where she is/what she's doing, and she needs to know that your normally say yes so that she respects your opinion when you finally say no over a 4 day festival on the other side of the country at 17.

AnyFucker Fri 07-Jun-13 07:17:46

A lot happens in a maturing teenager's brain in the space of a few months

The difference in my dd is really quite startling

AnyFucker Fri 07-Jun-13 07:21:05

Happy you had very different experiences as a teenager than I did

"look out for each other" "not much alcohol"

"had sex in a safe space when in relationships"

Bloody hell, that bears no resemblance to my teenage years at all

ChristineDaae Fri 07-Jun-13 07:22:28

She's 16 I would definitely let her go! I was going camping with a big group, boys and girls from 15. We just all had a laugh!

Fluffycloudland77 Fri 07-Jun-13 07:27:53

One of friends daughters got raped on a camping trip, a man had seen them camping and waited until one of the girls went to use the loo on her own.

It's an extreme example, I'd let her go but they must stay in pairs when they go to the loo.

harryhausen Fri 07-Jun-13 07:33:16

I went camping to the beach for one night at her age. It was a mixed group but only one boy and he was gay.

We had booze (not overly so) had a great time.

My niece, now 18, told me about an innocent sleep over her and her friends had had at 16. They'd all lied and told their parents that adults would be present. They went out to bars all dolled up, got pissed. A group of older men tried to buy them drinks but my Dniece was the only one who was sensible enough to see through the situation. She single handedly got them all a taxi back to the house. She spent the whole night fending off arguements and clearing up vomit. She put two of her friends in the recovery position and stayed awake with them all night to make sure they were ok. Rang her mum at 6am to come and get her.

Put her off her friends for a few weeks and put of off booze for a while longersmile I was really proud of her actually.

I'd let her go. Trust her. Even if there is awful stuff going on (and there will be) trust that she'll do the right things. Otherwise she'll begin to lie and find other ways to be with her friends.

digerd Fri 07-Jun-13 07:33:58

I'm just a bit hmm as to why she sent you a message via FB when she was upstairs and you downstairs? Why didn't she ask you face to face?
Are you so scary/formidablegrin or does she know you can read her like book when answering your questions? hmm

exoticfruits Fri 07-Jun-13 08:53:44

She sent it via FB as she expected the answer to be 'no'.

ShatnersBassoon Fri 07-Jun-13 09:17:39

I was a Venture Scout when I was under 16. We went camping without adults a lot. We didn't do much Scouting, but nothing outrageous ever happened. We were all good kids who were just glad to have some freedom. A bit of drinking and snogging was the absolute limit of our shenanigans.

harryhausen Fri 07-Jun-13 09:25:52

Digard, my sis has 3 dd's all very great kids with a good relationship with their DM - all of them communicate often through FB (as well as face to face). Especially her 16 yr old. Their mum even FB'd one of them last week to get of FB and go to bed!grin

It's quite normal in my eyes and not a significant pointer that their relationship isn't right.

ProperStumped Fri 07-Jun-13 09:36:24

I'll come back & answer questions later after work!

The reason she messaged me from upstairs was because dsd was with us last night & she didn't want to open a can of worms with her, as she's 12 and obviously not allowed the same privileges....She was trying to be sensible smile

MadBusLady Fri 07-Jun-13 11:08:31

Hm. The problem as I see it is they really need one person, minimum, to guarantee to stay sober and be ready for any emergencies or concerns or general hysteria. Actually I think most adults would do that - at parties or well organised stags/hens I've been on there's always someone not drinking for one reason or another who can be "on watch". No-one's likely to volunteer to be that person in this case (and probably not fair to suggest it to your DD either).

ThingummyBob Fri 07-Jun-13 11:15:57

digerd dd and I often communicate via fb/text whilst in different rooms of the house. Not sure its an indicator of anything other than teenage laziness grin

OP, I'd let her go if your gut instinct is that you trust her and her friends, I would.

afrikat Fri 07-Jun-13 11:37:29

At that age I probably wouldn't have asked, I would have done it anyway... Be glad she is asking and if you think she is pretty sensible, let her go. If she comes back hungover make sure you give her lots of horrible chores to do and don't say yes again for a while!

Once I turned 16 I felt like my mum gave me way more freedom and I actually got up to a lot less dodgy stuff. It helps to be trusted

bonkersLFDT20 Fri 07-Jun-13 11:47:22

I'd let her go. You just have to trust her really. There might get up to stuff, but you know where she is and who she is with. It sounds like she's being honest with you.

I'd be most worried about fire. A lad on my son's D of E camp accidentally set fire to his over trousers and boooosh....they saw how quickly nylon catches fire. They were all fine though I'm not sure the leader believed that he had been attacked by a sheep!

I'd say that if she's not got the head to be sensible re booze, fags and sex at nearly 16, then she won't have at 18.

OrangeLily Fri 07-Jun-13 22:17:46

Me and DH also communicate by text when in the house because we are lazy and have an unusual layout in our house!

iwantanafternoonnap Fri 07-Jun-13 22:23:00

I went camping at 16 and lost my virginity when drunk.......I'd only ever kissed one boy before then!!

VitoCorleone Fri 07-Jun-13 22:25:06

Hmm i went camping at that age with friends, lots of alcohol, weed and <ahem> heavy pettting went on.

No way in hell id let my 15 year old daughter go (if i had one)

beachyhead Fri 07-Jun-13 22:33:13

I would let her go.... it will be cold and they won't take their onesies off once the night comes down...

Seriously, depends on how far away it is... I would let her know your concerns and say she can ring you at any time to collect... make sure they have phone network where they go.

chocolatespiders Fri 07-Jun-13 22:43:21

I would let me dd go who is the same age. Sensible talk before she leaves, make sure phone is charged etc and make sure a friend has your contact details should something happen to her phone.

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour Fri 07-Jun-13 22:47:36

I'd let her go as long as she's normally pretty sensible

There's not much they could get up to that they couldn't do anyway if they wanted to

Poppylovescheese Fri 07-Jun-13 22:51:45

I would let her go. I went away for a weekend at 15 with a mixed group and was v sensible.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Sat 08-Jun-13 00:42:11

I'd let her but:

No one goes off alone, smartphone tracking enabled, coming back hungover=grounding.

Have a pre-trip barbie and leave a meat cleaver out. Yes, really.

PS: has she experimented with booze to the point of stupidity yet? DD got through a bottle of vodka and the resulting faceplant and hangover cured her of drinking more than a glass of wine a month.

blueemerald Sat 08-Jun-13 01:06:16

When I was 15 I went to Spain for two weeks to celebrate the end of GCSE exams (I was very young for my year, didn't turn 16 until after results day) with my boyfriend and 5 friends. Yes, we drank. Yes, my boyfriend and I had sex (and went on to be together for 8 and half wonderful years [cheesy]) but no one else did, I didn't get pregnant and no one died. We were staying in one girl's parents' villa in a teeny tiny village so it was quite safe.

What's the boy:girl ratio? If they only have two tents (boys and girls) then the likely of sex is slim...

I think the safety concerns are much more valid that any sex/drugs/rocknroll concerns.

DumSpiroSpero Sat 08-Jun-13 04:10:43

I'd let her go - it's one night, locally with friends you know and like, and you've said yourself she's sensible.

At 15 I went with a friend to a holiday camp 150 miles away for a week and we both came back in one piece, drink & drug free and still virgins grin !

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